Mind Your P's and Q's

When your marriage is ending, your gut says “I want to win.” But here’s the truth: chasing victory in family court will cost you tens of thousands of dollars, years of your life, and your kids’ peace of mind—all to get roughly the same outcome you could’ve reached in mediation. In this episode, I’m breaking down why “fair” isn’t about being nice to your ex—it’s about saving your money, your sanity, and your future. Fair doesn’t feel as good as winning, but it’s the only thing that actually works.

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Newsletter: https://mymm.substack.com/

Website: www.modernlegalsolutions.com

Instagram: @modernlegalsolutions

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mindyourmannersmediation/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/mind-your-manners-mediation

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Credits

Intro and Outro Music: “Motivational Day” by AudioCoffee, available under the Pixabay License

Recording and Editing Software: Audacity® software is copyright © 1999-2021 Audacity Team. The name Audacity® is a registered trademark.

When you’ve been wronged, you want vindication—you want someone to declare you were right and they were wrong. But being right in family law is expensive as hell: it costs you tens of thousands of dollars, years of your life, damage to your kids and your co-parenting relationship, and your ability to move forward. In this episode, I’m breaking down what “being right” behavior actually looks like (relitigating the past, fighting on principle, proving who’s the better parent), what it really costs in money and sanity, and when standing your ground actually matters versus when you’re just setting money on fire to feed your ego

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Newsletter: https://mymm.substack.com/

Website: www.modernlegalsolutions.com

Instagram: @modernlegalsolutions

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mindyourmannersmediation/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/mind-your-manners-mediation

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Credits

Intro and Outro Music: “Motivational Day” by AudioCoffee, available under the Pixabay License

Recording and Editing Software: Audacity® software is copyright © 1999-2021 Audacity Team. The name Audacity® is a registered trademark.

In the last episode, we talked about why you’re not a “we” anymore—today, we’re building on that with a hard truth: mediation requires equal participation from both people, and if one person won’t engage, mediation fails. I’m breaking down what equal participation actually means, the red flags that tell me someone’s not really committed (no-shows, incomplete homework, one person dragging a resistant partner along), and why I won’t chase you or let one person carry the entire process. This isn’t me being harsh—this is just how mediation works, and I’d rather be honest upfront than take your money knowing it won’t succeed.

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Newsletter: https://mymm.substack.com/

Website: www.modernlegalsolutions.com

Instagram: @modernlegalsolutions

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mindyourmannersmediation/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/mind-your-manners-mediation

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Credits

Intro and Outro Music: “Motivational Day” by AudioCoffee, available under the Pixabay License

Recording and Editing Software: Audacity® software is copyright © 1999-2021 Audacity Team. The name Audacity® is a registered trademark.

When couples come to me for mediation, I hear a lot of “we” language: “We want to do this amicably,” “We’ve already decided,” “We’re on the same page.” But here’s the hard truth—if you’re getting divorced, you’re not a “we” anymore. You’re two separate people with separate interests, and pretending otherwise doesn’t make mediation easier, it makes it impossible. In this episode, I’m breaking down why letting go of “we” is one of the hardest but most essential shifts you need to make, what “we” behavior actually looks like (and why it’s a red flag), and why mediation can only work when both people can advocate for themselves as individuals.

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Newsletter: https://mymm.substack.com/

Website: www.modernlegalsolutions.com

Instagram: @modernlegalsolutions

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mindyourmannersmediation/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/mind-your-manners-mediation

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Credits

Intro and Outro Music: “Motivational Day” by AudioCoffee, available under the Pixabay License

Recording and Editing Software: Audacity® software is copyright © 1999-2021 Audacity Team. The name Audacity® is a registered trademark.

Co-parenting with someone who was abusive to you requires different strategies than typical co-parenting. In this episode, I break down practical communication strategies, how to choose the right communication medium, what messages to respond to versus ignore, and how to set and enforce boundaries around timing and access. I also cover red flags that co-parenting may not be safe and what alternative options you have. You’ll leave with concrete tools to communicate only what’s necessary while protecting your mental health and safety.

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Previous Episodes Mentioned

Ep. 21 - Parenting Plans in Cases Involving Domestic Violence - https://mymm.substack.com/p/ep-21-parenting-plans-in-cases-involving-e1a

Ep. 42 - Parallel Parenting - https://mymm.substack.com/p/ep-42-parallel-parenting

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Newsletter: https://mymm.substack.com/

Website: www.modernlegalsolutions.com

Instagram: @modernlegalsolutions

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mindyourmannersmediation/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/mind-your-manners-mediation

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Credits

Intro and Outro Music: “Motivational Day” by AudioCoffee, available under the Pixabay License

Recording and Editing Software: Audacity® software is copyright © 1999-2021 Audacity Team. The name Audacity® is a registered trademark.

Technology-facilitated domestic violence is when abusers use technology to harass, stalk, monitor, intimidate, or control current or former intimate partners. In this episode, I break down what tech abuse actually looks like and walk you through practical safety steps you can take right now. I also explain your legal options here in Arizona. You’ll leave with clarity on how to recognize tech abuse, protect yourself, and understand the legal remedies available to you.

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Previous Episodes Mentioned

Ep. 7 - Legal Fundamental - Orders of Protection - https://mymm.substack.com/p/ep-7-legal-fundamental-orders-of-c62

Ep. 77 - Navigating DV and AI - https://mymm.substack.com/p/ep-77-navigating-dv-and-ai

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Statutes Mentioned

A.R.S. § 13-2915 Preventing use of telephone in emergency; false representation of emergency; classification; definitions - https://www.azleg.gov/viewdocument/?docName=https://www.azleg.gov/ars/13/02915.htm

A.R.S. § 13-2916 Use of an electronic communication to terrify, intimidate, threaten or harass; unlawful use of electronic communication device; applicability; classification; definitions - https://www.azleg.gov/viewdocument/?docName=https://www.azleg.gov/ars/13/02916.htm

A.R.S. § 13-2923 Stalking; classification; exceptions; definitions - https://www.azleg.gov/viewdocument/?docName=https://www.azleg.gov/ars/13/02923.htm

A.R.S. § 13-3019 Surreptitious photographing, videotaping, filming or digitally recording or viewing; exemptions; classification; definitions - https://www.azleg.gov/viewdocument/?docName=https://www.azleg.gov/ars/13/03019.htm

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Resources (non-exhaustive list)

National DV Hotline - 1‑800‑799‑SAFE, text “START” to 88788, or thehotline.org

Safety Net - www.techsafety.org

Refuge Tech Safety - refugetechsafety.org

Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence - acesdv.org, 602-279-2980 or 800-782-6400, Arizona Relay Service 7-1-1, [email protected]

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Newsletter: https://mymm.substack.com/

Website: www.modernlegalsolutions.com

Instagram: @modernlegalsolutions

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mindyourmannersmediation/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/mind-your-manners-mediation

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Credits

Intro and Outro Music: “Motivational Day” by AudioCoffee, available under the Pixabay License

Recording and Editing Software: Audacity® software is copyright © 1999-2021 Audacity Team. The name Audacity® is a registered trademark.

AI can help name abuse patterns, but it can also create digital risks. In this episode, I explain what’s safe to ask a chatbot, what to never upload, and how to use survivor‑focused tools like Aimee Says thoughtfully. I discuss how these tools can support reflection without replacing confidential help and leave you with clear, practical steps you can use today.

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Links Mentioned

Aimee Says - https://www.aimeesays.com/en/home

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Resources (non-exhaustive list)

National DV Hotline - 1‑800‑799‑SAFE, text "START" to 88788, or thehotline.org

Safety Net - www.techsafety.org

Refuge Tech Safety - refugetechsafety.org

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Newsletter:

Website: www.modernlegalsolutions.com

Instagram: @modernlegalsolutions

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mindyourmannersmediation/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/mind-your-manners-mediation

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Credits

Intro and Outro Music: “Motivational Day” by AudioCoffee, available under the Pixabay License

Recording and Editing Software: Audacity® software is copyright © 1999-2021 Audacity Team. The name Audacity® is a registered trademark.

Arizona’s 2025 Spousal Maintenance updates are here. In this episode, I break down the effective date, what changed to the guidelines, and the associated changes to the calculator. I also touch on what these shifts mean for planning under the revised framework.

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Links Mentioned

Spousal Maintenance Guidelines - https://www.azcourts.gov/familylaw/Child-Support-Family-Law-Information/Spousal-Maintenance-Guidelines

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Previous Episodes Mentioned

Ep. 29 - Legal Fundamental - NEW Spousal Maintenance Calculator

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Newsletter: https://mymm.substack.com/

Website: www.modernlegalsolutions.com

Instagram: @modernlegalsolutions

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mindyourmannersmediation/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/mind-your-manners-mediation

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Credits

Intro and Outro Music: “Motivational Day” by AudioCoffee, available under the Pixabay License

Recording and Editing Software: Audacity® software is copyright © 1999-2021 Audacity Team. The name Audacity® is a registered trademark.

The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) has released a major update to its Model Standards for Family and Divorce Mediation, the first comprehensive overhaul since 2000. In this episode, I break down what stayed the same—like self‑determination, impartiality, confidentiality, and competence—and what’s new, including stronger screening, clearer guidance on domestic abuse and child maltreatment, technology and online mediation, and a more robust child‑centered approach. You’ll hear how the reorganization and clarified definitions translate into what families, attorneys, and self‑represented parties can expect in mediation today.

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Links Mentioned

2025 AFCC Model Standards for Family and Divorce Mediation - https://www.afccnet.org/Portals/0/PDF/Model-Standards-for-Family-and-Divorce-Mediation-Updated 2025-7-22.pdf?ver=5LBqekcLCogrlS03SVYwqA%3D%3D

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Newsletter: https://mymm.substack.com/

Website: www.modernlegalsolutions.com

Instagram: @modernlegalsolutions

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mindyourmannersmediation/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/mind-your-manners-mediation

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Credits

Intro and Outro Music: “Motivational Day” by AudioCoffee, available under the Pixabay License

Recording and Editing Software: Audacity® software is copyright © 1999-2021 Audacity Team. The name Audacity® is a registered trademark.

This episode tackles day-to-day high-conflict patterns in divorce and custody and offers practical steps to reduce flare-ups and increase predictability for kids. It walks through Bill Eddy’s BIFF and EAR methods and clean “I” statements, with process-agnostic tips that work in both mediation and litigation. You’ll hear clear decision-making models including parallel parenting, plus calmer exchange structures and plug-and-play scripts to keep messages short and effective.

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Previous Episodes Mentioned

Ep. 38 - Co-Parenting Apps - https://mymm.substack.com/p/ep-38-co-parenting-apps-1fe

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Newsletter: https://mymm.substack.com/

Website: www.modernlegalsolutions.com

Instagram: @modernlegalsolutions

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mindyourmannersmediation/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/mind-your-manners-mediation

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Credits

Intro and Outro Music: “Motivational Day” by AudioCoffee, available under the Pixabay License

Recording and Editing Software: Audacity® software is copyright © 1999-2021 Audacity Team. The name Audacity® is a registered trademark.