The Reframe (You Already Know How to Say No)

You might think you can’t say no — but the truth is, you’re saying no all the time.

There is a universal principle at play — the law of polarity, the law of opposites:

Front and back. Up and down. In and out. Yes and no.

Every time you say yes, you are automatically saying no to something else.

Saying no isn’t negative.

It’s directional.

Every no is really a yes in disguise.

3-Step Practical Takeaway

1. Pause – “Let me check and come back to you.”

2. Be clear, not detailed – “That doesn’t work for me right now.”

3. Stay calm in your body – breathe, drop the shoulders.

I’m not saying no – not now

“What am I saying yes to if I say No to this.

Our series Tune into the Confident You — where clarity meets calm and confidence follows.

And with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, today we’re talking about relationship

“We often think confidence comes from outside — from approval, success, or what other people think.”

“But real, steady confidence comes from the relationship you have with yourself.”

“The way you speak to yourself. The way you treat yourself. The way you respond when things go wrong.”

“If that inner relationship is harsh, critical, or full of comparison, confidence struggles to grow.”

“But when that inner relationship becomes calmer, kinder, and more supportive, confidence naturally strengthens — and so do your relationships.”

THE HIDDEN TREASURE STORY

“A long, long time ago, when the world was very new, the Great Creators wanted to give humanity a special gift — the secret of happiness and peace… the spark that allows a person to feel calm, whole, and capable of anything.”

“They wanted to hide it somewhere safe, so it wouldn’t be taken for granted.”

“One said, ‘Let’s hide it on the highest mountain.’ But the others said, ‘No, humans will climb it.’”

“Another said, ‘Let’s hide it in the deepest ocean.’ But again they said, ‘No, they’ll explore there too.’”

“Finally, the oldest and wisest Creator said, ‘Let’s hide it deep within their own hearts. It’s the one place they’ll only look when they’re ready to be still… and ready to listen.’”

“And that’s where they placed it — the spark of peace and confidence — inside every human being.”

“So while we travel the world looking for answers, the real treasure is already inside us, waiting for us to turn inward.”

“As part of this series, I’m giving you a simple affirmation each week. Choose one and say it out loud this week — while driving, walking, or getting ready.”

Choose ONE:

“I am kind and supportive in the way I treat myself.”

“I release comparison and trust my own path.”

“The confidence I seek is already within me.”

THREE CALLS TO ACTION

Notice your inner voice

“This week, notice how you speak to yourself — especially in difficult moments.”

Interrupt comparison

“When comparison shows up, gently replace it with your affirmation.”

Create one quiet moment

“Take one minute a day to sit quietly, breathe slowly, and reconnect with yourself.”

“Small moments of self-connection are where confidence is rebuilt.”

Tune Into the Confident You

Where clarity meets calm — and confidence follows

WEEK THEME: FINANCES

Building Confidence with 

Money

“We’re continuing our series Tune into the Confident You — where clarity meets calm and confidence follows.

Each week stands completely on its own, so you can join us at any point.

Today we’re talking about money — because for a lot of people, confidence quietly leaks through financial stress, worry, or avoidance.”

“This series is about building real confidence — not by pushing harder, but by creating clarity and calm first.”

“Each week we start with a simple tool called the Snapshot Circle — a powerful way to tune in and  take a clear look at where you are currently your life ( always without judgement.)

(Draw • Mark • Join • Balance)

1.  “If you can, grab a pen and a bit of paper — even the back of an envelope will do.”

2.  “First, draw a large circle in the middle of the page — like a clock face.”

3.  “Now draw one line straight down the middle of the circle, top to bottom.”

4.  “Then draw one line straight across the middle, left to right.”
“You now have four sections.”

5.  “Label the sections like this:

o   Relationships Health 

o   Finances Purpose. 

6.  “Now here’s the scale.”
“The very centre of the circle is zero — that’s the lowest point.”
“The outside edge of the circle is ten — that’s the highest or most satisfied you feel.”

7.  We’re just taking a snapshot.”

8.  “For each section, ask yourself one simple question…”
“On a scale of zero to ten, how satisfied do I feel in this area of my life right now?”

9.  “Start with Relationships.”
“Along that line, mark an X where it feels right — closer to the centre if it’s low, closer to the edge if it’s strong.”

10.               “Now Health “Mark an X.”

11.               “Now Money “Mark an X.”

12.               “Now Purpose “Mark an X.”

13“Once you’ve marked all the Xs, gently join them together.”

“What you’re meant to see is a circle.”
“Because when life is balanced, the shape is round.”

“If what you see isn’t a circle — and for most people it isn’t — 

“It simply shows that some areas of life are getting more attention than others.”

“And when life isn’t balanced, we feel it — in our energy, our mood, and our confidence.”
“It’s about noticing where things are uneven and gently bringing more care there.”

“Confidence grows when you keep small promises to yourself.”

Tune Into the Confident You

Where clarity meets calm — and confidence follows

WEEK THEME: PHYSICAL HEALTH

(Confidence through daily care of the body)

We’re in a short series called Tune into the Confident You — where clarity meets calm and confidence follows.

Each week stands completely on its own, so whether this is the first or only one you hear, you’ll get something practical you can use straight away.

“Most people think confidence comes from pushing harder or being more disciplined.

In reality, confidence grows when your life feels more balanced, your body feels more supported, and you keep small promises to yourself.

Today we’ll start with clarity — because confidence can’t grow in confusion.”

And this is how we get clear.

Snapshot circle.  

1. “If you can, grab a pen and a bit of paper — even the back of an envelope will do.” 
2. “First, draw a large circle in the middle of the page — like a clock face.” 
3. “Now draw one line straight down the middle of the circle, top to bottom.” 
4. “Then draw one line straight across the middle, left to right.
   You now have four sections.” 
5. “Label the sections like this:
   • Relationships
   • Health & Energy
   • Money & Work
   • Purpose & Direction” 
6. “Now here’s the scale.
   The very centre of the circle is zero — that’s the lowest point.
   The outside edge of the circle is ten — that’s the highest or most satisfied you feel.” 
7. For each section, ask yourself one simple question:
   On a scale of zero to ten, how satisfied do I feel in this area of my life right now?” 
8. “Start with Relationships.
   Along that line, mark an X where it feels right — closer to the centre if it’s low, closer to the edge if it’s strong.” 
9. Now Health & Energy.
   Mark an X. 
10. Now Money & Work.
    Mark an X. 
11. Now Purpose & Direction.
    Mark an X. 
12. Once you’ve marked all the Xs, gently join them together. 

What you’re meant to see is a circle — because when life is balanced, the shape is round.” 

If what you see isn’t a circle — and for most people it isn’t — that doesn’t mean anything is wrong. 

It simply shows that some areas of life are getting more attention than others. And when life isn’t balanced, we feel it — in our energy, our mood, and our confidence. 

Balance isn’t about being perfect in every area.
It’s about noticing where things are uneven and gently bringing more care there. 

Now choose just one area to focus on this week. The section that feels like it needs the most care or clarity.” 

1. “Under that section, write one small step you can take this week.” 
2. “Small is powerful — confidence grows when you keep small promises to yourself.” 
3. “And finally, say this to yourself:
   This is a snapshot, not a verdict. No judgement — just information.” 
4. “When life becomes more balanced, your mind calms, your choices clear — and confidence follows.” 

Today has been dubbed Blue Monday, it’s worth knowing that Blue Monday didn’t come from science. It actually started years ago as part of a marketing campaign.”

“But it stuck — not because it’s factual — but because January can genuinely feel heavier for a lot of people.”

So, Frank, when life throws you a curveball, what usually helps you stay steady?

1. Perspective? People?

1.Perspective how we see what’s happening. “This is a hard moment, not a hard life.”

2.People Reaching out to someone - a text or a chat.

What This Time of Year Really Reflects 1.Shorter days, less daylight,

2.Back to routine,

3.Bills arriving, the buzz of Christmas wearing off.”

“So it’s not that today is ‘bad’ — it’s that this time of year invites us to slow down and check in.”

This week also marks the anniversary of my father’s passing by suicide.

In the depths of such pain, I found the core of my truth. What success really is.

Emerson (the heart of the poem):

To laugh often. To win the affection of children. To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others. To leave the world a bit better. Whether by a healthy child. A garden patch... To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived this is to have succeeded.

“This poem reminds me that success isn’t about a perfect life.

It’s about kindness, connection and peace

towards ourselves and others.

Peace in Action -Walk for Peace – I am reminded of the Buddhist monks in the United

States who are currently walking across the country to promote peace — step by intentional step.”

It’s all about The Power of Peace. The Power of Connection. The Power of Love.

MMM 2-Step Action

Step – Connect Kindly with yourself. Be gentle- go easy – Rest. Sleep.

2. Be kind to others “Reach out to one person — a text, a call, or a walk — and remind yourself you’re not doing life alone.”

Close “Blue Monday doesn’t have to be something to fear. It can be an invitation to walk through life a little more gently.”

P — Presence 

What it means:
Being with the moment instead of racing through it. 

Practical example:
You’re sitting having a cup of tea, the lights are on, music in the background.
Instead of scrolling or mentally planning tomorrow, you pause and actually notice: 

• the warmth of the mug 
• the sound of laughter 
• the comfort of the moment 

That’s presence — and it costs nothing. 

 E — Expectations (Lower Them) 
Letting go of the “it has to be perfect” story. 

Practical example: 
Dinner isn’t on time. Something burns. Someone’s late. 
Instead of tightening up, you say: 
“Sure, this is still Christmas.” 

Lowering expectations doesn’t lower standards — it raises enjoyment. 

A — Atmosphere (Protect It) 

What it means: 
Not every comment needs your reaction. 

Practical example: 
Someone makes a remark that would normally hook you. 
This time, you smile, take a breath, and change the subject — or step away. 

You protect the atmosphere, not your ego 

C — Calm the Body First 

What it means: 
Regulate before you respond. 

Practical example: 
You feel yourself getting snappy or overwhelmed. 
Instead of reacting, you: 

• slow your breathing drop your shoulders 
• count to 3 (Creating a gap) 

E — Enjoyment (Define Your Own) 

What it means:
Deciding what success looks like for you. 

Practical example: 
You decide: 
“If we have one good laugh, one meaningful chat, and I go to bed feeling peaceful — Christmas is a success.” 

That’s your win. No comparison required. 

 Wrap it up  

“So remember P.E.A.C.E.: 
Presence. 
Expectations. 
Atmosphere. 
Calm. 
Enjoyment. 

That’s your Christmas checklist — for fun, success and peace.” 

 Closing Quote  

“It’s not what’s under the tree that makes Christmas — it’s the presence you bring with you.” 

TEACHING – WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON

The simple truth.

Food stops being fuel when it starts doing a job.

Food becomes relief.

Evening alone → food becomes company

Stress, boredom, distraction/reward →

food steps in.

So it’s not about hunger anymore —

it’s about how we feel.”

PRACTICAL EXAMPLES

You’ve had dinner. You’re not hungry. You open the fridge anyway.

Or you say, ‘I’ll just have one’… and suddenly the packet’s empty.

That’s not greed.

That’s a habit the brain has learned because it worked. It solves a problem

That’s why will power doesn’t win this battle.

You’re not weak. You’re not broken.

You’re just running an old programme — and programmes can be changed.

THE MMM 3-STEP SOLUTION

STEP 1 — Notice the Moment

Like Frank did. Noticing(non-judgement) beats guilt every time.

Instead of: ‘What’s wrong with me?’

Ask: ‘What’s going on for me right now?’

STEP 2 — Small shifts break the pattern – do something different

· A short walk- Get outside

· A conversation instead of a cupboard raid. Talk to someone

STEP 3 — Think Identity, Not Diet

Instead of asking: ‘Will this help me lose weight?’

Ask: ‘Is this what the version of me I’m becoming would do?’

Not perfection. Consistency.

Not the goal. The person you’re growing into.

“And when this clicks, life feels different.

You drive past the shop and don’t even think about it. You open the fridge… and close it. Not because you’re being ‘good’ —

but because food isn’t running the show anymore. You are. That’s freedom.”

COMMUNITY & SUPPORT Accountability Freedom Community

“And this is where support matters.

When people feel backed up instead of judged, habits soften.

That’s why connection works. That’s why accountability works. That’s why community works.

No pressure — just progress.”

Join us today: https://deirdremaguire.com/progreammes/freedom-community/

When you hear the word January, which one are you?”

A) Fresh notebook, new start, full of hope
B) Long, dark, cold… just get me to February
C) A bit of both — optimistic one minute, tired the next

January gets such a bad reputation. 

Bad PR over the years.

It’s blamed for the weather.
 It’s blamed for the bills.
 It’s blamed for broken resolutions.

“But what if January isn’t the problem at all?” It’s how we look at it!

Lets Reframe January 

January isn’t a punishment.
January is a foundation month.

1.It’s quieter — and that’s a gift.

2.Less pressure — and that’s a gift.

 3.There’s space to reflect and  reset — and that’s a gift.

 It’s the Month where:

• We eat a little better.
• We move our bodies a little more.
• We spend less.
• We reconnect at home.
• We start asking better questions  to plan for  the year ahead

And when you change your habits — even slightly — your mental health and physical health improve together.

Key Reframe (Core Message)

“January isn’t meant to be glamorous.
 It’s meant to be grounding.

It’s the month where the foundations are laid — quietly — for everything that follows.”

 MMM 3-Step January Reset

Step 1: Stop Fighting January

“Instead of wishing it away, ask:
 What is January actually giving me?

More time.
 More stillness.
 More chance to refocus.”

Step 2: Choose One Small Upgrade

“Not a full life overhaul — just one thing:

• One better food choice
• One daily walk
• One earlier night
• One calmer morning

Small changes done consistently in January set the tone for the whole year.”

Step 3: Find One Thing to Look Forward To

“January needs a cheerleader.

It might be:

• A birthday
• A family gathering
• A weekly routine
• A personal goal.

When you give January a better  meaning, you feel better.

When you meet someone difficult or moany at Christmas — like Uncle Colm from Derry Girls type — 45-minute monologue of misery…

Which one are you?

A) Do you smile politely and slowly lose the will to live? B) Do you try to fix their problem just to get out alive? C) Or do you suddenly remember you “need to check the oven”… even though you don’t have one?

Christmas is emotional, noisy, nostalgic… and full of people and personalities we don’t always choose.

But here’s the truth:

We can’t change difficult people. We can change how we meet them — internally. And that’s where the peace begins.

Most of us jump into their drama, take on their emotions, and end up irritated or drained.

Empathy is different. Empathy is steady. Empathy says: “I see you — but I’m not losing myself in your story.”

And the good news is you only need two steps to do this at Christmas.

THE TWO-STEP CHRISTMAS PEACE SOLUTION

STEP 1: Say something that starts with “I hear you…”

This helps the other person feel seen — without you taking on their feelings.

Use whichever feels most natural:

· “I hear you — that sounds tough.”

· “I hear you — I get why you’d feel that way.”

· “I hear you — and I hope things get easier for you.”

Short. Kind. Boundaried.Job done.

STEP 2: Say something silently in your own mind:

“Just like me…” This is the internal shift —the part they never hearbut you always feel.

Examples:

· “ just like me. They’re doing their best…”

· “ just like me.” They want to feel loved and safe…

· “ just like me.” They get overwhelmed sometimes…

This softens how you see them. It keeps you calm, grounded, and in control of your own state.

Together, these two steps mean you can be kind without being consumed.

If you want more peace and less emotional turbulence…

Don’t try to fix people. Don’t join their drama.

Just: Step 1: “I hear you…” Step 2: “Just like me…”

Two steps. Big difference.

That’s how you stay centred, compassionate, and still enjoy your Christmas dinner.

Peace isn’t a mood. 

Peace is a decision. 

It’s why it’s called the present — because peace only exists in this moment. 

Three Key Teaching Points 

1. Recreate the Feeling 

Your happiest memories aren’t in the past — they’re in your nervous system. You can activate joy, gratitude, and calm any time. 

2. Happiness Without Agenda 

You can feel good without waiting for circumstances to be perfect. Choose peace now, before anything improves. 

3. Choose Peace Over Pressure 

This season, decide to respond from calm instead of chaos. 

Faith over fear. 

Love over control. 

Presence over pressure. 

Three Practical Steps for Listeners 

Step 1 – Pause for ten seconds before reacting. 

Peace lives in that gap. 

Step 2 – Ask: “What would the peaceful version of me do right now?” 

Instant clarity. 

Step 3 – Be the reason someone believes the world is still good. 

A small kindness changes everything. 

The Reframe 

When you choose peace again and again, happiness becomes your default state. Not because everything went right — but because you did. You showed up for yourself. You mastered your mind.