Pottymouth is in Ted Williams heaven and Patti wallows at the top of the Misery Index as we kick off the St. Patti’s Day show. The Blue Jays make some excellent promises around minor league pay. Astros manager AJ Hinch wins the dubious honor of the first premature ejection of the (pre)season, Bryce Harper makes news by falling down and getting back up, and both Adam Jones and Carlos Gonzalez land safe and sound. We share our starting lineups for our Fantasy Boyfriend Baseball League and invite you to play along. We break down the new rule changes, from the big deals to the barely shrug-worthy. Season 3 of No Crying in Baseball starts with a LOOGY and a Zoom-Zoom.