From new customs to new costumes, we're all adopting novel habits and hairstyles here in quarantine—especially Josh. This week, your resident hairline hardliner has his Travis Bickle Britney moment, while also-host Mike allays all his anxieties among avian-adjacent allies in alleys, and equal-host Tapan tries triumphantly to stamp a talkative teen tiger's ticket to the Ivy League. Pull up a stool, pour yourself a delicious chicken parm smoothie, and say hey to our moms for us, would you?

Pairings: crust aroma; renewable China; LaxPact.com: "Legal; advice?"