Monique is standing up for herself, and she wants you to know that while she is the Most Beautiful Woman in America, she is NOT Teri Spencer.  Depsite, actually, being Teri Spencer.  She won't date Brian, but the woman who is played by the Most Beautiful Ghost in America seems to have taken a shine to Reed Carter (called "Adam") - who can only be described as the Most Mansexy Ghost in America.  Two murdered characters hooking up?  This is the Melrose Place spin off we needed.

Paul is back, and Carrie suddenly doesn't want to see her son.  So she sends him away.

We are joined by Ursula the Sea Witch, who gives a job promised to Sarah to Monique.  Julie gets the job of a lifetime, a six week tour of Europe, and Hillary makes it clear to David that the relationship is over.  So David quits, loudly, in front of everyone.

But the story of the episode is that Linda, who wears hats, is dating Chris, who was arrested for killing his maid as a child.  Eric finds this out, attempts blackmail, fails, and ends up pushing Linda further away.

We are ten episodes in, and zero percent closer to convincing Mary to watch the series.