Well, Teege and Mary are running the tape on Kimberly's runway on this show. Will she make it? Will she survive? How long will she last? Will she be brought back?

Who knows?!?

Well, Teege does, but he's not saying. #nospoilers

This week, we have this odd jealousy thing bubbling up between Megan and Kimberly. Not that Michael making them jealous of each other is odd, but the way this love triangle started now makes it odd to have jealousy bubbling up, especially as Kimberly is nearing the end of her rope.

What is that Greek mythology of a God cutting all of our strings at some point? Eh, whatever, we're not scientists.

Kyle has a new sparring partner, his old military / army / navy / other tough guy thing buddy, where they launch into a deep debate over who is the butt and who is the wipe.

Teege and Mary of course come in to add an artistic flair to the question, attempting to answer: is it better to be the butt or the wipe?

Bonus appearance in this story of one of Teege's old red neck uncles. (Not that he's aged, just that he's long gone from Thanksgiving dinners, due to divorce.)

Sydney and Sam are having a spat, as Sydney kicks Sam out, but Sam gets help from her hunky ex-boyfriend lawyer who threatens Amanda, and, oh geez who cares.

As I write this, I don't remember what happened with Amanda and Craig, but pretty sure they're starting to feud now, in part because Amanda's demand for $5,000,000 from daddy may have caused his heart attack? Or maybe because Amanda said "hike it up, Nancy, and get back to work, the funerl's over!"

Whatever. We're really struggling here.

Well, dear listeners, it appears that we need to admit mistakes (made by our intern), take accountability (for our intern's screw up), and apologize to you (about our intern) for the long run of non-episode episodes.

Heading into a new year, we imagine what the characters of Melrose Place are going to resolve going into the new year.

Will Michael resolve to be faithful to his fourth/fifth wife? (Fourth woman, fifth marriage ... right?)

Will Sydney operate as a legit businesswoman?

Will Kimberly live through the year?

Let's see together!

Look, Mary agreed to do a holiday special episode of the podcast. However, she had no idea that I was going to switch up the actual holiday we were celebrating.

So, please forgive the lack of cultural preparedness, as we stumble through our own ignorance of how poorly we understand one of the most significant religions in our world.

That said, lack of expertise wouldn't stop us from delivering you this sweet, sweet Melrose Place content.

You're never going to believe what happened next. Melrose Place has installed an experimental Black Box theater in the apartment that Peepin' Ted used to creep on Amanda.

Or: ... black box theatre. However you want to say it. Or read it.

Anyway, for the first production, Melrose Place went big budget, and got the rights to Wicked, The Musical, and Teege and Mary are the casting directors.

Let's see how things go with this casting couch, shall we?

In the grand scheme of the world, it turns out that St. Nick's Day is only celebrated in a few cities in the country. That includes urban paradises such as New Ulm, Minnesota, Pella, Iowa, and for our purposes, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Of course, one of the Melrose Place women from indescript Midwestern States certainly brought the tradition with them. So we investigate how each of our favorite characters celebrated this good holiday.

Who got fruit in their stocking?!?

In 2025, Black Friday is a relatively calm, largely online affair. But in the 90s? Chaos. Injury. Retail *war* with actual fists.

So what do you think our season five girlies were like during Black Friday on Melrose Place?

Your Melrose Super Fans provide the definitive, *cannon* answer.

Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking, into the future.

It's 2025. 30 years after 1995. So what would a Melrose Place reunion for Thanksgiving look like?

Who has too many grandchildren?

Who is Michael trying to sleep with?

Who is just happy to be included?

We got you.

What, exactly, would Americans do if we found an underground cavern of a vast unicorn society?

By Americans, of course, we mean capitalist corporations. Because, at Mitt Romney taught us, corporations are people, my friend!

Yes, the fast food industry would be grinding up those unicorn hoofs and deep frying them faster than you can say "have that unicorn your way!"

In the archives of major American rhetorical moments, "Leave Britney Alone!" by Cara Cunningham (formerly known as Chris Crocker) is one of the most impactful. She taught a generation about the dangers of gossip magazines and criticism culture in one poorly-lit youtube video.

Well, Cara is in good company. Won't people ever Leave Jane Alone?