Melrose Place is back for another season, and so are we!

We come back to see what happened with the fact that Richard, while dead, was literally crawling out of the ground. His psychological warfare on Jane Mancini is epic. Also, who exactly is the villain in this scenario?

Alison and Jake are dating behind Billy's back, to spare his feelings. I can't wait to see how this turns out.

Peter is in jail, and his arrest apparently makes front page news in ::checks notes:: BOSTON - where Taylor sees it and decides to blackmail her husband into moving to LA immediately, given the things he's done to her in the past. They own restaurants.

Jo is officially gone.

Matt is on drugs.

Kimberly can't remember having dinner with Peter, and shockingly, her memory is the only thing that would save Peter from the death penalty over the murder of ::checks notes:: Bobby Parezi, not his first wife or the attempted murder of his second.

Okay, fine - so the incest was creepy. Let's try to jazz this up with two former fiancés who always seemed like a better brother and sister than they did future spouses.

However - is the Folgers ad too boring without the incest overtones?

Okay, so a brother / sister remix weirded Mary out.

So did big brother / little brother even though they just act like they're full brothers, when in reality, they're half brothers.

So let's go in another direction. We asked robot to write us a version of the ad that even frat boys wouldn't be weirded out by.

Well, perhaps robot understood frat boys better than us.

We're continuing our journey to use robot to rewrite a more acceptable ad than what Folgers delivered fifteen years ago.

Let's see what robot thinks would happen if we rolled the Hanson brothers into the ad, with the Jo walking in at an inopportune moment.

The Folgers ad really shocked the conscience of a troubled nation.

Robot helps us imagine what that commercial would have looked like if the brother / sister combo were indeed Amanda Woodward and David Michaels, with Hillary Michaels stepping in at an uncomfortable moment.

Folgers Incest Ad: The Oral History of "Coming Home" for the Coffee Commercial's 10th Anniversary | GQ

Mary had never seen the ad.

Until now.

With Richard literally crawling out of the ground after being buried, we ask robot to help us imagine a scenario where Melrose Place and The Walking Dead cross over.

Who will win in a leadership battle between Amanda Woodward and Rick Grimes?

Is Daryl Dixon or Alison Parker the better sidekick?

Which Melrose Place characters will take advantage of the zombie horde to begin an illicit affair?

Also, who was the Scud Stud?

As is custom, we wrap up the season with an overarching view of this entire season as one contribution to the culture.

But is it art or is it trash?

We both take our best shot at winning this argument before, mercilessly, burying the season right alongside Richard, where I'm sure it will never be heard from again. Certainly it won't be literally crawling out of the ground in a few months.

We're nearing the end of our legally-required human resources intervention.

At least as it relates to Melrose Place.

Let's round out this mini-series with a thorough analysis of what an HR professional thinks might be uniquely problematic in the Melrose (work) Places during season four.

In a recent special episode, expert guest Christopher (of Melrose Sheltering In Place infamy) told us that Sam was the worst character on Melrose Place - and her actions led directly to the worst thing that happened in the entire series.

Of course, Mary and Teege have no idea what he's referring to.

Of course, that won't stop us from throwing out haphazard guesses anyway.

Join us in trying to guess, "What did Sam do?!?"