Okay, we get it - these episodes are getting a bit on the long side.

That said, Melrose Place is adding layers of depth and content and sudsy trashy soap.

This week alone, we find out that Megan Lewis has a magical blouse that reveals all Michael needs to know. Kimberly is dangerously sick. Mary has yet to put together the connection between those two things.

Sydney continues to scamp about, while falling in love with Kyle and treating us to a wonderful season where a naked man runs out of her apartment.

Peter and Amanda continue to bounce back and forth between fighting, bickering, staring longingly at the phone, and making up. Just in time for Taylor to reveal that she is actually Peter's former sister-in-law.

Matt is going to hook up with his therapist so that's fun. Unrelated, Teege is going to start the arduous task of becoming a therapist.

Well, now the full origin story of Victoria Taylor McBride (or whatever her given first name was - we already forgot) is coming to light - but she's still deceiving Peter. And Peter is lying to Amanda, and immediately kicking himself about it.

Jake, Alison, and Jane. Whatever. Jane has apologized, admitting she lost control. Jake believes it to be sincere, Alison is suspicious.

The real fun is over with Michael, Megan, and Kimberly. Kimberly sees a priest, who doesn't die from the interaction. Kimberly is going to die, however. The episode ends with Kimberly approaching Megan after seeing Michael and Megan canoodling through the window.

Matt is dating Dr. Hathaway.

Catching up on the early seasons, join us as we splash back in time to simpler days: season two of Melrose Place.

Which guest star would we MOST want to join us in our podcasting studio? The answer may surprise you.

We had 17 people to choose from, so we built a 16 person/team bracket, with one wild card, who can be brought in whenever the choices are too bad.

The brackets:

Wildcard if needed: Celia Morales

Katya & Nikki Petrova

v.

Lauren Etheridge

Stanley Levin

v.

Bruce Teller

Meredith Parker

v.

The Parkers

Katherine Andrews

v.

Palmer Woodward

Hillary & Chaz

v.

Sarah & Hank

Jeffrey Lindley

v.

Reed Carter

Robert Wilson

v.

Chris Marchette

Steve McMillan

v.

Keith Gray

Who wins the second season of the tournament of guest stars? Let's revisit the recent (30 years ago) past and consider.

Well, it's been a while since Mary and I recorded, so we got a little long and rambly.

But, Jane continues to be interesting, which is distressing. She is also stalking Jake, and she gets busted. Of course, we are a little shaky, because it was Billy of all people that cracked the case. Weird.

Also weird: Samantha. She is going along with Sydney's scheme to hide Sam's identity while Syd sells her art. Adding to the weird: Sydney tells the truth immediately upon being challenged in her web of lies. What exactly is going on?

Taylor is clearly making inroads with Peter, and we can now 100% know he doesn't know her, but she knows him. Amanda is getting jealous, and acting it, which is weird for her.

Matt has a confrontational moment with gay rehaber, and has a deep moment of saying "right back at ya'" to demonstrate a mutual likeness.

Michael and Megan start making out, but Michael's conscience gets the best of him. Then Kimberly won't have sex with him so he goes back to Megan and loses his conscience. Or regains his original conscience? Either way, things are moving forward with Megan. Which means, if you've seen the show before, you know what's happening with Kimberly to explain why she is also being weird.

But perhaps the weirdest thing: Craig delivers a cup of coffee in a paper bag so he is lucky he is beautiful or he'd be kicked out of the story in Teege's mind.

Since we were so fortunate to have our resident Gen Z expert join us to discuss 5.5 - we posed an intriguing query:

If you had to spend a weekend with the characters of Melrose Place, who are you taking where?

Which character would be serving at the Chappel Roan concert? Who is more of a classical music girlie? Who doesn't get invited?

Let's let our Gen X hearts view ourselves through a Gen Z lens.

Listen ...

You just want to hear this story about what's happening in the good town of West Allis, Wisconsin.

Not the worst title they've had in a while.

We are to believe that Jane's brief love affair with Jake last season was so deep that she'd now stand by and watch Jake and Alison burn in a fire she accidentally caused. But she did not get this obsessed over Michael and his magical ... okay.

Taylor and Peter continue to be an intriguing slow boil. She keeps finding ways to bump into him, including hearing that he is in Palm Springs and convincing her husband to show up at what is apparently the only hotel in the area, right when Peter is alone.

And Kyle, the dumbass, doesn't think anything is suspicious about that.

Kimberly is winding down, since Megan is arriving. She does her job passed Michael, who is experiencing sexual frustration with his wife and so we see where this goes. (So does Kimberly...)

Craig has shown up, and he is a little nepo-bitch. Cute, sure, but a bitch.

Matt is leaning on Michael to rescue him from his addiction. Michael reveals he had done drugs to get through medical school but I guess we weren't supposed to dig in on that.

We are back for another flashback episode - this time digging into the archives of our notes to remember what happened to our main characters in season two of Melrose Place. Which main character had the *worst* time of it in season two?

Join us on this walk down memory lane as we work our way through this tournament of ten.

The brackets:

Alison

v.

Billy

Jo

v.

Amanda

Matt

v.

Jake

Then for the final pairing, we have a qualifying round. The winner of each of the brackets below advances into the regular tournament, making their way through this sad, sad, group of main characters.

Mrs. Mancini (Jane)

v.

Mrs. Mancini (Sydney)

Michael

v.

Kimberly

Who do you think should make it all the way to the end?

There is no apostrophe in this title and yes that is absolutely incorrect but we do not make the laws of America.

And tbh, if we did, we wouldn't start with Melrose Place titles. So Burnin Love it is, even if the red squiggly line appears.

Big news - Jane sets Alison's apartment on fire and fade to black while she watches it burn. Bigger news - it's been a long time since Jane was boring. It just kind of snuck up on us.

Billy and Sam are getting together. Okay, fine. At least they're not inevitable.

Jake and Alison are now outed as lovers, but Jane is not having it. What? Sure, that makes sense with her story arc.

Kimberly is giving up her medical license to become Michael and Peter's secretary. She might have other plans.

Matt is in some of his hottest scenes - at a gay bar - picking up a prostitute - going to jail. BUT OOOHHH NOO we didn't get the blue jumpsuit. Next time.

Well, here's what happened - we finished the Models, Inc. 'Cast, with sadness in our hearts, thinking we would never again enjoy the entertainment of this arm of the fictional Melrose Place / 90210 / Models, Inc. universe.

Alas, building towards our final episodes of the entire podcast, probably still a few years out, we realized that we needed to identify which characters from Models, Inc. would be elevated into the final tournaments - exploring each season for the saddest main character, and most awesome guest star.

So, we have it - enjoy this flash back to the simpler times, when models didn't have cell phones.