Modern Dadhood | Unpacking Fatherhood + Parenting for Dads (and Moms!)

Parents are teachers. Even those of us without degree in education. Our children are constantly observing us and learning from our behaviors, personalities, and how we navigate adventures, crises, relationships, and life in general. Musician, activist, and rockstar dad Ben Lee joins the conversation for a deep dive on fatherhood, leading by example, and promoting a love for lifelong learning to our children. Plus, Marc recalls a time he got the flop sweats, and Adam's children drive him to literally question his very sanity!

Episode is Part 1 of a 2 Part conversation with the multi-talented artist Ben Lee.

The episode opens with a quick recap and reflection on Episode 45: Mom Takeover. The guys tee up the conversation with Australian musician, activist, and dad, Ben Lee, by discussing the unique challenge of trying to teach our children without OVER-teaching. How to impart wisdom without forcing a teachable moment into every experience. And how to allow yourself to step back and let them experience things for themselves when it’s appropriate.

The guys welcome Ben Lee into the conversation. Ben is an artist in every sense of the word, and along with his wife Ione Skye, they are parents to 19 year old Kate (a stepdaughter to Ben), and 11 year old Goldie. Ben discusses post-pandemic life in Sydney, returning to live performance, and offers a deep dive on fatherhood, sharing candidly about topics including:

• How live music has changed post-pandemic
•  Meeting his future wife at 18 years old
•  The beauty of "blended" family structures
•  Kids and technology
•  The value of expressing interest in their interests
•  Giving people space to have their own experiences
•  And more

The conversation with Ben will carry on in Episode 47. Adam shares about what’s “a thing now” in the Flaherty home to round out the show... a "thing" which has led him to questioning his own sanity. And the guys close with well-wishes to all the dads on this Father’s Day Weekend 2021!

[Episode Transcript]
 

Links:
Ben Lee on Instagram
Ben Lee on Twitter
Weirder Together
B is for Beer
Ben Lee in Quarantine
Author Jordan Shapiro
Colleen Ballinger
Red Vault Audio
Caspar Babypants
Spencer Albee
Stuffed Animal
Adam Flaherty

#moderndadhood #fatherhood #parenthood #parenting #parentingpodcast #dadding #dadpodcast

Episode 45 of the podcast takes a slight detour from the usual format. The guys turn their mics over to their wives and hand over a bowl full of questions for the podcast’s first-ever Mom Takeover. Sarah Flaherty and Jamie Checket chat about everything from dad tropes and mom myths to “aha!” moments and moody kids. Finally, some real talk from the moms behind the dads behind Modern Dadhood. Perhaps this is the beginning of an annual event.

A concept originally teased in Episode 43, hosts Adam and Marc turn the show over to their wives, Sarah and Jamie. With little instruction and a batch of questions and prompts to address at their will, the goal of the exercise was to celebrate and honor mothers by giving them the floor and full control of the show. How did they spend their time? Well, they discussed topics including:

•  How they learned about (and didn't learn about) the "Mom Takeover" concept
•  Motherhood myths
•  The benefits and pitfalls of social media to a new mother
•  Being your child's "entertainer"
•  Letting go/stepping back
•  Listening vs. problem solving
•  Pregnancy mindsets
•  Sleep deprivation
•  Mom confessions
•  Dumb dad moves
•  And more!

We celebrate you, Sarah, Jamie, and ALL moms, step moms, bonus moms, and moms-to-be! THANK YOU for being you! (And for accepting us and loving us for the idiots we are, too.)
 

[Episode Transcript]
 

Links:
Hunt, Gather, Parent
How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen 

#moderndadhood #fatherhood #parenthood #parenting #parentingpodcast #dadding #dadpodcast

Episode 44 of Modern Dadhood is a bit different than what you’ve grown accustomed to. Adam had a significant and deeply personal event in his life recently, spurring an impromptu recording session. The guys take a little time to catch up about family, life, and playing the role of dad—even if, at times, it’s hard to think about playing any other role besides son.

Stay tuned for the Mother's Day "takeover" episode which will be our next release.

Links:
Red Vault Audio
Caspar Babypants
Spencer Albee
Stuffed Animal

#moderndadhood #fatherhood #parenthood #parenting #parentingpodcast #dadding #dadpodcast

At the end of the COVID tunnel, the thought of light is very appealing — 2020 was a whopper. The pandemic has affected us all differently. We’ve developed our own ways of navigating hurdles and managing emotional stress. Middle and high school kids faced unique challenges as they missed iconic milestones and were robbed of social lives. While drugs and alcohol have always been a concern for parents, 2020 saw a rise in addiction among adolescents looking for a coping mechanism. Author Richard Capriola brings decades of experience to the conversation and shares ideas on how parents can best support their kids. His book, “The Addicted Child,” lays out the warning signs and offers seasoned advice to help turn this trend around.
 

Episode 43 of Modern Dadhood opens with a brief catch-up on Marc’s solo-dadding weekend and a realization that the release of this episode falls on the Friday of Mother’s Day weekend. The guys quickly formulate a plan to let their wives take over the next episode and mom it up for half an hour!

The guys discuss their (quite different) experiences with their second doses of the Pfizer vaccine, which leads into a conversation about the pandemic, the light at the end, and the impacts that the past year has had on people of all ages. The guys discuss the differences between younger children and high school aged adolescents and coping mechanisms for stress, depression, and trauma—including drugs and alcohol. Marc brings up a recent episode of NHPR’s The Exchange, covering a similar topic with guest Jessica Lahey, before playing back a recent conversation with author Richard Capriola.

Richard is a father one grown son who has spent much of his career counseling young people with alcohol and substance abuse issues, and recently published the book The Addicted Child, A Parent’s Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse. Rick joins to promote his book, and we discuss topics including:

•  Raising his son as a widower
•  The importance of writing a simple and clear guide for parents
•  The harm in labeling someone an "addict"
•  When is the right time to discuss substance misuse with your kids?
•  The neuroscience of adolescent substance use
•  What has changed from the "Just Say No" era to now?
•  Warning signs to watch out for in our kids
•  The importance of listening to words and the feelings behind them
•  What assessments are, and why they're important
•  The impact of the pandemic on young people
 

The episode culminates with a no-explanation-needed installment of Did I Just Say That Out Loud? in which Adam finds himself doing... some dirty work.

Stay tuned for Episode 44, when our wives will take over the podcast—and do whatever the heck they want with the time!

[Episode Transcript]

Links:
Richard Capriola [website]
The Addicted Child [Amazon]
DrugFree.org
Red Vault Audio
Caspar Babypants
Spencer Albee
Stuffed Animal [Marc's musical project]

#moderndadhood #fatherhood #parenthood #parenting #parentingpodcast #dadding #dadpodcast

Does being a parent to twins simply mean two of everything? There are certainly twice as many diapers to change, two bladders to potty train, and double the tears during teething. But to twin parents, the emotional impact and physical toll often feels more than double… it feels exponential. In this episode, Adam and Marc welcome Shaw Flick, a fellow dad of twins, to examine the unique challenges that twin parents endure. Also, Marc and his wife try not to bust a gut when their three-year-old son puts them in their place, in an installment of So That’s a Thing Now.
 

Adam and Marc open the show by catching up on Marc’s new Disney+ subscription, and Marc shares an update to one of his recent Confessions regarding a bouncy ball from hell which made a brief comeback recently, before being permanently banned from the Checket household.

The guys welcome creative copywriter and father of twin daughters, Shaw Flick, into the conversation. Shaw is a co-worker of Marc’s, though living in Portland, Oregon, they have only meet and collaborated virtually. As fathers of three-year-old twins, Marc and Shaw have plenty of twin-dad experiences to compare and contrast. Topics of the conversation include:

•  The annoying things that people call out when they see twins
•  Shaw’s history as the front man of the band Ra Ra Riot
•  The unique set of challenges that twin parents are faced with
•  The chaos of newborn multiples
•   Encouraging individuality
•  How to address when one twin takes on an alpha role
•   Twin parent camaraderie
•   And more

Post-interview, Marc shares a So That’s a Thing Now which finds him getting scolded by one of his boys (and trying not to laugh when it happens).
 

[Episode transcript]
 

Links:
Shaw Flick (LinkedIn)
Shaw Flick (Instagram)
Ra Ra Riot
Red Vault Audio
Stuffed Animal (Marc's musical project)
Caspar Babypants
Spencer Albee

#moderndadhood #fatherhood #parenthood #parenting #parentingpodcast #dadding #dadpodcast

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, nearly one in five adults in the U.S. lives with a mental illness. If anything, that statistic tells us that those who are struggling are not alone in their struggle. Still, reaching out for help can sometimes feel insurmountable. In this episode, guest Brian Manor, a dad to two, shares his personal story and talks openly about his challenges with clinical depression, social anxiety disorder, and seasonal affective disorder. Stick around to the end for another round of the infamous recurring segment, Confessions. 
 

Episode 41 opens with hosts Adam and Marc briefly recounting their experiences getting their first doses of the Covid-19 vaccine, coincidentally scheduled on the same day. The guys transition to a discussion of mental illness; specifically the ways in which society addresses mental health, and how the conversation has shifted over the past 30 years. The guys welcome Brian Manor to the conversation. Brian is a husband and a father of two. He lives in Wisconsin, works for a blood donation organization, and writes for his fatherhood-themed Fatterhood: A Humorous New Dad's Blog. Brian shares openly, (both in his blog and during our conversation), about his history with mental illness and how it has affected his life, his job, and his role as a father. The conversation covers many topics including:

•  Why Brian is not ashamed of his mental health
•  The difficulty in diagnosing mental health conditions in children
•  Overlapping symptoms of clinical depression and anxiety disorders
•  The importance of SEEKING HELP!
•  The importance of checking on your friends if you’re concerned about them
•  The rise of discussing mental illness publicly and without shame
•  How educating his support system is helpful
•  How finding the right provider led to significant improvement
•  Being aware of potential signs in your children
•  Shop around for the right provider if you are able to
•  "It's not your fault, but it's your responsibility."

The episode culminates with  arguably one of the strongest Confessions sessions to date.

On a personal note from Adam and Marc, in each episode, we invite our listeners to reach out to us by e-mail. If you can relate to Brian's experience or you connect with this episode for any reason, you are more than welcome to reach out to us. While we are not experts on mental illness, fatherhood, or much of anything, really—we are good listeners. And we are here for you.

We've included links below that pertain to our conversation with Brian, as well as some additional resources that we'd encourage you to explore. But as a reminder, there is no shame in seeking help. And, despite how it may feel, you are NOT alone. We love you and appreciate you!

[Episode Transcript]


Links:
Fatterhood: A Humorous New Dad's Blog
Chris Gethard "Career Suicide"
Hannah Gatsby "Nanette" (Netflix)
Marcus Parks / The Last Podcast on the Left
Jordan Raskopoulos "Living With High Functioning Anxiety" TEDxSydney
5 Minute Guide to Men's Mental Health
BeThe1To
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Anxiety & Depression Association of America
Red Vault Audio
Caspar Babypants
Spencer Albee

#moderndadhood #fatherhood #parenthood #parenting #parentingpodcast #dadding #dadpodcast

Sometimes, two people fall in love and choose to get married, one or both of those people have young children from a previous relationship, and a wonderful new blended family is formed. But it’s not always so clear cut. Enter Sean Carrillo, a media maker, technical director, writer, former-famous-coffee-shop-owner, and family man. Sean also happens to be the stepfather of accomplished musician Beck and artistic polymath Channing Hansen. Sean joins the Modern Dadhood conversation to discuss his family of artists, and how his parenting experience has felt a lot like hanging out with a group of friends. Also, find out why Marc’s wife is less than thrilled with her doctors!
 

Episode 40 is a very special and personal one for Adam, and he wastes no time sharing about it. The episode is a continuation of Modern Dadhood’s exploration on what it means to be a stepfather. In a sharp contrast to Episode 39’s guest Rafael Torres, the guys welcome Sean Carrillo into the conversation. At 60 years old, Sean’s career has taken him from the performing arts to commercial and film production, directing, and editorial, to curating live events... and that’s only the tip of the iceberg. Sean has been a stepfather for almost 40 years, and his family dynamic is far from typical. His wife Bibbe Hansen is a performance artist and actress, a protégé of Andy Warhol when she was young. Bibbe’s late father is Al Hansen, the renowned Fluxus artist. And his stepchildren are artist Channing Hansen, and musician Beck—a longtime favorite of Adam’s.

Sean shares about growing up in Los Angeles in the 60s and 70s, meeting Bibbe while a member of the performance art group ASCO, and marrying her in the early 1980s when Beck and Channing were 12 and 10 years old, respectively. In a particularly unique step-parenting situation, Sean found that hanging with Bibbe and the boys, along with Rain Whittaker, a family friend who they took under their wing, felt more like hanging out with a group of peers than a  traditional parents/kids dynamic. Topics include:

•  The idea of marrying someone with kids close to you in age
•  Beck and Channing’s biological father David Campbell
•  Los Angeles’ Troy Cafe, owned by Sean and Bibbe
•  Did being a stepfather change when Beck and Channing began seeing commercial success?
•  Beck and Channing as fathers
•  And more
 

To close out an epic episode, in a spinoff of the hit segment Did I Just Say That Out Loud?, Marc shares a story about his wife, his twin boys, a surgery, and some less than desirable operating conditions.

[Episode Transcript]
 

LINKS:
Sean Carrillo
Bibbe Hansen
Beck
Channing Hansen
Beck and Al Hansen: Playing With Matches
Troy Cafe
Red Vault Audio
Caspar Babypants
Spencer Albee

#moderndadhood #fatherhood #parenthood #parenting #parentingpodcast #dadding #dadpodcast

Parenthood is a challenging adventure. And in a blended family, step parenting comes with its own set of unique obstacles. From custody arrangements to personal conflicts to social stigma, step-fatherhood, in particular, has developed a curious reputation over the decades. Rafael Torres, a father to two young daughters, (one biological and one step), shares perspective and advice that all dads could benefit from hearing—and why he prefers the term “Bonus Dad" to step dad all day long. Stick around to the end for the special subsegment of "So That’s A Thing Now:" So Those Are Things Now.

Modern Dadhood Episode 39 opens with a quick catch-up between hosts Marc and Adam in which Marc shares about his twin boys’ recent third birthday celebration. They briefly discuss Adam’s uncharacteristic (and moderately unbecoming) mustache, and a miraculous and unlikely victory by Modern Dadhood on TheOnlyPodcastAwardThatActuallyMatters.com... before transitioning to the episode’s ACTUAL topic: step parenting.

Neither Adam nor Marc have step parents or step children, so the perspective discussed prior to guest Rafael Torres joining, are solely based on observations of their friends, and cultural interpretations and stigmas. They quickly welcome Rafael, a father to one biological daughter and stepdad a second daughter, into the conversation. Rafael is a structural steel designer and drafter, as well as the moderator of the Bonus Parents Facebook group. Through a candid discussion about Rafael’s own experience as a stepfather (which he proudly refers to as a “Bonus Dad,”) as well as his observations from moderating a group of fellow bonus parents, Rafael sheds light on the best parts, and the most challenging parts, of a blended family. Topics include:
 

• Witnessing your partner as a parent from the beginning of your relationship
• ALL the parenting acronyms!
• References and support for step parents
• Custody and other common blended family issues
• Navigating relationships with biological parents
• Overcoming misconceptions and stigmas around step parenting
• Learning to decode your stepchild’s language

Marc shares a So That’s A Thing Now involving one of his three-year-olds and a new recurring question before closing out the episode.
 

[Episode Transcript]
 

Links:
Bonus Parents (Facebook)
Co-Parenting SubReddit
Blended Family Frappe
National Stepfamily Resource Center
The Stepfather
The Only Podcast Award That Actually Matters
Red Vault Audio
Caspar Babypants
Spencer Albee

#moderndadhood #fatherhood #parenthood #parenting #parentingpodcast #dadding #dadpodcast

How do we maintain a positive dialogue with our kids when examples of adversity seem ever-present in daily life? Journalist and Parenting Editor at Fatherly, Patrick Coleman, joins Adam and Marc to discuss how a set of family values can provide a foundation for engaging in challenging conversations. And how complex, real-world examples, if framed the right way, can be valuable in helping our kids become resilient. Also, the guys each take a deep breath and leap into another installment of the fan-favorite segment, Confessions.  [This is part one of a two-part interview.]

Episode 38 is Part 2 of a two-part episode featuring guest Patrick Coleman, a father of two and journalist who serves as the Parenting Editor for Fatherly.

The episode opens with a comedy of errors as hosts Adam and Marc struggle to nail their timing. They briefly discuss some key takeaways from the first previous episode in which Patrick recounts watching (and discussing) the January 6th, 2021 insurrection at the US Capitol building with his family. Patrick offers some wonderful (and applicable) insight into how to approach conversations about tragedies such as the insurrection with young people, and encouraging questions and dialogue as they process what they are learning or seeing.

Part 2 of the conversation takes a step back and looks at how we as parents can help our kids understand and process larger overarching problems such as racial injustice, terrorism, or climate change. Topics include:

•  What is "Ecophobia?"
•  Approaching and navigating tragic topics with your kids
•  How to build a set of family values
•  Passing our opinions and biases onto our kids
•  Being comfortable with not having all the answers
•  How to raise curious kids
 

The episode wraps up with the hosts releasing some deep, dark dad Confessions.
 

[Episode transcript]
 

LINKS:
Fatherly
Patrick Coleman (Twitter)
How To Watch A Coup Attempt With Your Kids
Patrick Coleman’s articles
Researcher David Sobel on Tragedy
Ask The Goodfather
Red Vault Audio
Caspar Babypants
Spencer Albee

#moderndadhood #fatherhood #parenthood #parenting #parentingpodcast #dadding #dadpodcast

Our world is full of big, heavy topics: War, politics, racial injustice, poverty... The list goes on. What’s the best way for dads and moms to approach these topics with our kids? Do we let them come to us? Avoid them at all costs? Hope that through some combination of teachers, YouTubers, and headlines, our kids will draw their own conclusion? Adam and Marc sit down with Patrick Coleman, father of two and Parenting Editor at Fatherly, to discuss his work exploring big topics, and sometimes big feelings, with our children. Plus, Adam’s kids learn a new phrase and get introduced to a classic 90's cartoon.
[This is part one of a two-part interview.]

Modern Dadhood’s 37th episode opens with a brief reflection on the trying year of 2020 and a chat about broaching major current events with children. Marc and Adam discuss the Oklahoma City bombing of 1995. At 12 or 13 years old, both hosts share their experiences of learning about it via the news, and how as young teenagers they processed the tragedy.

The conversation shifts to the rage-fueled insurrection at the US Capitol building on January 6th, 2021, and the guys tee up part one of their recent conversation with journalist Patrick Coleman, a father of two boys and the Parenting Editor for Fatherly. Patrick’s recent article How to Watch a Coup Attempt With Your Kids provides some powerful and applicable strategies for contextualizing heavy current events for our children in a way that promotes discussion… and doesn’t scare the shit out of them. Other topics include:

•  Being a “buffer” for your partner, and leaning on them as your own buffer.
•  Processing your own feelings and emotions first
•  Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory
•  Explaining current events in real time
•  The value of Inviting your kids to ask questions
•  When the heavy news doesn’t have a happy ending


To round out the episode, Adam recalls a recent moment of craziness which involves Ren, Stimpy, and the phrase “skinny dipping,” which is a new addition to his children’s lexicon. Episode 38 will feature the second part of our conversation with journalist Patrick Coleman.
 

[Episode Transcript]
 

LINKS:
Fatherly
Patrick Coleman (Twitter)
How To Watch A Coup Attempt With Your Kids
Patrick Coleman’s articles
Ask The Goodfather
Social Learning Theory
Oklahoma City Bombing 1995
US Capitol Insurrection 2021
Resource: Explaining The News To Our Kids
Resource: How To Explain Scary News To  Kids
Resource: How To Talk To Your Child About The News
Red Vault Audio
Caspar Babypants
Spencer Albee

#moderndadhood #fatherhood #parenthood #parenting #parentingpodcast #dadding #dadpodcast