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How do you deal with an ex in the middle of a divorce (or even after a divorce) when emotions are running high and a new conflict may erupt at something unexpectedly? Therapist Erik Gagnon explains some of the rules to avoid and resolve conflict using these key elements:

• use I-statements as opposed to You-statements
• avoid blaming or shaming
• Keep things in the present

"We don't want to go back to something that happened six months ago or six years ago," Erik explains in the podcast. "Because then we bring up more of those kind of specific resentments that won't get us to resolving the conflict. It really needs to be about how we're feeling at this time and how those feelings interject in our arguments or our discourse."

This discussion, with divorce attorney Billie Tarascio, takes a critical look at the things that need to happen to put out the emotional fires in those unavoidable conversations with your former partner.