Michelle Johnstone  0:01  Hola Funky Media listeners and greetings from a very hot and humid Costa del Sol.     Hi, of course, it's me Essex with another round of what's going on here, there and everywhere. Seems tourism has definitely taken off. People and traffic are everywhere, which is a good thing. I'm not complaining as we need the people here spending their hard-earned euros. The weather here is absolutely sweltering and we've been warned that temps could rise into the 40s within the next couple of weeks........... Deep joy.            I must admit, I understand why people living here go back to the UK for July and August. It is way too hot to do anything but as summer was late starting for us this year, I suspect September isn't going to be too comfortable either but we shall see.              So, life is resuming on the Costa del Sol, I've even noticed it´s much harder to get seated in some restaurants and therefore the best thing to do is make a reservation. Traffic is heavy and parking well, don't even get me started on the parking here. This is something we haven't seen in a while. In the coastal resort of La Cala de Mijas, a lovely little beach town. Some restaurants have extended their terrace space into the actual parking spaces. So, if it wasn't hard enough to park there before, due to the lack of spaces in the summer, now it's nigh on impossible. I understand that the cafes and restaurants are touting for more business and goodness knows they need the extra bucks but there are other businesses there and us locals need to use them and now you can't get parked for love nor money. The Junta de Andalucia have announced another new COVID measure but this time affecting nightlife in the region.  From Thursday, the 5th of August, customers going into nightclubs and disco bars will be required to show a COVID certificate or a negative PCR or antigen test result first. This was announced this Monday by the president of the Junta,  Juanmar Moreno on his Twitter account.        errr.....Like we're all on Twitter !!  I live here and I didn't even know Juanmar Mareno had a Twitter account.  The legality of the measure is not entirely clear. We'll have to see what happens is the last lot of rules and regs that were enforced during our initial lockdown are now being thrown out of court as they're not legally binding.

The theatre is opening back up in Fuengirola,  the Salon Varietes was built back in 1925 and it actually ran as a theatre until 1956 when it was turned into a cinema. It then showed films in Spanish but once a week, they would show films in English, which was a wonderful treat for the Expat´s back in those days. Now, the Salon Varietes has been there many years. It opened its doors again for the first time on June 14th, 1985 as the theatre and on the bill was one Bernard Stanley Bilk, better known as ´Acker Bilk´.   Now there is a bit of history for you. I wonder if you wrote that famous piece. ´Strangers on the Shore´ here in Spain. They put on a number of really good shows throughout the year in English and it's good to see them resuming back into a normal life, if you can call this a normal life. The salon offers a variety of choice of productions. They have musicals, dramas, reviews, comedies and farce and it makes it a unique cultural centre for foreign visitors and residents alike. So if you find yourself in Fuengirola on holiday, I recommend you go see a show there. I'll be waiting until after the holiday season to be venturing up to Fuengirola, which is about 15 to 20 minutes from my house but once again, it's that parking issue. 

Now apparently, there was a mutiny incident on an EasyJet flight from Gatwick to Malaga this week, when it was turned back from the runway.   Two passengers accused of being unruly by staff for taking their shoes off........... Is that it ??  I've seen much worse than that. They were then asked to put them back on which is standard procedure for takeoff, so they say.   Seems the two passengers got a bit ´hissy´ with the staff and so armed police were brought on.  Armed police ??  That seems a bit drastic. Their luggage was removed and their passports confiscated for disobedient behaviour. I didn't know you could get your passport taken off you for disobedient behaviour but their fellow passengers came to their defence and staged a mutiny.   Their fellow travellers advised them to stay on board and explain to the armed forces or police how they the crew had excessively over acted. The captain then announced the flight crew would be replaced before heading out to Malaga. Oooooh, I bet they got telling off !!   Not only that, but what did it cost them in losing their flight slot? Not the way you want to start your holidays but they got here in the end. Sounds like a palaver over nothing really but this is the world we now find ourselves living in, where everyone is offended by something and mountains are made out of molehills. 

A total of 40,000 Coronavirus antigen self kit,  test kits have been sold in Malaga pharmacies in their first week on sale to the public and they're forecasting that the number of this is likely to increase.  They´re retailing at the moment and I've seen them there for about eight euros a test. So I suppose that's for like if you want to get into nightclubs, etc, etc, you can use those.  Ummmm makes a change for the Sombreros and Castanets that people use to take home from here as mementos but I guess times have changed and so must we.  I just want to add, they cannot be used for travel. You have the official COVID test, which is definitely pricier but not as pricey as in the UK. At least travel is becoming a little bit more accessible and a little less complicated. Although I'm still unsure of the actual travel rules for expats at this moment, returning home as a visit, and the rules seem to change constantly. If it would help if Boris would quit moving the goalposts I'm really not sure after entering the UK with the negative tests and two jabs, what I'm required to do next.  Is it still day 2,  day 5 or day 8 ??        So many confused travellers with so many different opinions is hard to know for sure. I think I'll wait for Christmas time to come and visit my loved ones when maybe a concrete plan would have been drawn up. To be honest, I was trying to get a break to the Balearic Islands but even those rules are a little confusing and that's essentially travelling from Spain to Spain. October I´m due to travel to Portugal, which we'll have to wait and see what that entails. When did holiday travel becomes such a pain in the neck. Remember, when going on holiday used to be fun. Now it's fraught with do's and don'ts, regulations, rules and tests. It's made the fun family vacation something to be navigated like a minefield, my how things change in a couple of years. 

Business entrepreneurs are popping up all over the place the beginning of this pandemic and now, these are some really odd times and I'm thinking ´I am in the wrong business´. According to a newspaper article this week, there is a woman who once was a travel agent. I used to be a travel agent I worked for Thomson holidays, who is now making $4200 a month from selling her Trump's online and I'm not talking about Donald J here. Emma Martin, age 48 has been recording her flatulence since 1999 hmmm......and now she charges $4.99 a month from people to view her content. This takes working from home to a whole new level. Don't you think? You can't help but ask why? What has society become that we now need to watch and pay for this sort of thing on the internet? We´d make a fortune in our house, between my husband, our dog and myself, we could rack it up. The former travel agent follows a diet specially designed to help her perform better at her smelly job. She said she is lots of salad, asparagus and avocados. She also eats a lot of Mexican food. One of our favourites is coleslaw and baked beans mixed together. Hmmm, sounds delicious girl !!  What fine cuisine for a hot summer night. The mother of two ensures that she records videos of herself passing gas only when our family members aren't around. She said her husband knows but he's not into farts at all. No one else in her family knows. I don't think they would approve, but I'm a grown woman. If my old man thought I could make money doing that, he would force-feed me coleslaw and beans. This is insanity. Emma uses the ´Onlyfans´ website to sell her videos and produces custom made videos for her more dedicated followers. She charges $7 per minute for custom made videos. That's the same website used by Kerry Katona and a lot of other ´so called´ celebrities to get their bits out for sale. Well, it's helped Kerry out of her bankruptcy. Thank goodness no one has invented smellivision yet, can you imagine? And she's not the only one. There are ladies on there selling their worn underwear too. Well, it sounds like the go-to website for that special and unique gift. We're only weeks away from Christmas decorations coming out, right? Before you know it. It will be time to drag the tree out again. So maybe it's time to get a little early Christmas shopping happening.                                 I'll leave you with that thought while I go off and see what else I can record, maybe somebody would like to hear or watch me cut my toenails. Until next week's madness. Keep your fabulous comments coming,  they do make me chuckle.   I'm off to the pool to cool my head after all this insanity. I hope you have a fab week. Stay safe and as always for me Michelle,  Hasta Luego from the Costa del Sol

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