Michelle Johnstone 0:01 Hola Funky Media listeners, well it's another week in paradise and things could be returning to a new kind of normal here next week, fingers crossed. Let's say we are expecting some good news by the end of this week. Hi guys, it's Essex here with your weekly review on what's happening on the coast and beyond. As I mentioned, we are all waiting with bated breath to see if mask restrictions are about to be lifted in public outside places, this week, as of the 26th of June. This seems to be the date that we are all glued to. This will come as a welcome relief to most of us, as the temperatures soar and wearing a mask in this heat is becoming unbearable. However, it all hinges on the numbers of infections and hospital pressure, which, if the current numbers are anything to go by, are looking pretty good. So far in Andalusia, 36.7% of the inhabitants have received both doses of the vaccine and at least 54% of us have received one dose but as I mentioned in previous weeks, the vaccine programme has been ramped up and they believe that most of the population would have received both doses by the end of July. They also now talking about bringing the AstraZeneca jobs forward by two weeks. So, instead of the 12 week waiting period, it will be reduced to 10 weeks with the National Health Service here informing people by text or by phone. Personally, I hope they do follow through with this as my next jab is on the 30th of June but to be honest, I'll be happy to get over this and finally get it out the way. Unfortunately, that doesn't bring me any closer to visiting my family in the UK as the ridiculous traffic light system out of lockdown still seems to be stalling. Even though Spain is a safe destination. Travelling into Spain is a doddle however, no PCR tests required just a locator form that needs to be filled out. Travelling back to the UK though seems to bring a lot of unnecessary expense and misery in the form of PCR tests. My neighbours, just came out for two weeks to check on their property and by the time they returned home, it has cost them an additional 1000 pounds on top of their trip in order to follow British protocol and are still having to quarantine for the next 10 days. Seems a bit unfair for a young family with two children. Especially in a time where money is tight, and people just want to get away for a holiday abroad. We need to get back to some kind of normal. Let's face it, this never seems to be going away although the numbers have dropped dramatically here but I think there's always going to be that threat out there. So, what do we do? Do we lock ourselves away for the rest of our lives or do we try and regain some semblance of normal and let grownups make their own decisions? Personally, I'm for the latter, after all, it's been nearly two years, and I feel our freedom of choice and speech is slowly being taken away from us. I'm sure people are sensible enough to do what is right for them. I think we've been controlled for way too long now. You Brits, can't get out and enjoy yourselves but your leaders can manage to have a nice barbecue on the beach with a lack of masks and social distancing when they think the cameras aren´t watching. These double standards have to stop before they diminish all of our human rights and tick off an entire nation who are already teetering on the edge. Costa hotels here are losing around 25 million euros a week, all the time Britain is on the Amber's list. It´s enough already, Boris, people have done everything you've asked, it's time to let common sense prevail, and let people decide for themselves. With our hospital pressure at 4% and our ICU´s coping at low levels. Is this really necessary? I think maybe Sir Cliff Richard should come out with a revised version of "We're not going on a summer holiday". Did you know that pantos are already being cancelled for Christmas? I can hear you saying already. Oh no, they're not. Oh yes, they are.

I noticed that the GB launched a new news channel this week too. GB news which is supposed to report the news, fairly and unbiased if that's at all possible. The BBC is already trying to sabotage it as they're only interested in reporting their left-wing propaganda at us so we view the news, the way that they want us to see it. Yes, this week, my rant is on the BBC, more interested in box-ticking, as opposed to employing the best candidates for the job. Has the BBC become a dinosaur in our emerging world? How can anyone justify paying 159 pounds for a TV licence after the covering up of people like Martin Bashir and Jimmy Savile with all the executives, deflecting the blame like a tennis ball, and no one is willing to put their hand up, tell the truth or apologise. Lord Hall is denying it was even his fault, even though this all happened under his watch and Tim Davie now doing the same. Now, on the subject of the BBC, there has been quite a bit of controversy as they employ people from a company called Capita, whose goons, which by the way, are only salesmen are employed to frighten vulnerable people into paying their TV licence. I have seen incidents this week of them reading, Miranda rights to the public, which in fact is not legal and can only be done by the police. If you do encounter any of these doorstep harassers don't engage with them. Don't let them into your home and invoke their right to harass you. Unless you are watching live broadcasts and they can prove it, there is nothing they can do. You can watch most shows that you watch now on catch up and if you're only watching things like Netflix, Amazon Prime or YouTube, you do not need a TV licence and they have absolutely no power. The way we view TV nowadays has changed so much, making the BBC antiquated and almost redundant. TV detector vans, what a joke! They are completely bogus and can't determine your TV signal from the house next door. Unless you give them access to your home, and TV, they can't actually check what you've been viewing. So, if someone knocks on your door, be polite, don't proffer any information or sign anything, and close the door promptly. You can also write to the BBC revoking their right to solicit on your property. Did you know that? If you receive a threatening letter, and it's usually addressed to the occupant, not a named person, the advice is bin the letter. That will teach them to start a war with the over 75´s. Less and less people are paying this now, so the BBCs choice will be to either go to a subscription or start courting advertisers. The BBC or the British Bias Corporation as I call it, have other ways of generating capital rather than holding a country to ransom. They own BBC Studios, which earns revenue, plus all the shows they make are syndicated to channels like Dave, which can be viewed without a licence. Seems to me, they just want their cake and eat it, well. don't we all?

Well I have a bit of a follow up for you this week on something I told you about weeks ago. I'll let you decide on this next story. Personally, I think there are definitely people on this planet that have clearly lost the plot. A few weeks ago, I reported a story to you about a pansexual man, a bodybuilder from Kazakhstan, called Yuri Tolochko who married a synthetic doll, to put it nicely and had a big ceremony. If you cast your minds back, I told you he met his plastic soul mate in a bar. Well, if that's not weird enough, it seems they are now getting a divorce, as he's cheated on her, not once but twice with a synthetic object and a supermarket chicken whilst Margo, the plastic doll was away having, can you guess ? plastic surgery. Makes you wonder what on earth could Margo have done been doing other than being patched up. Tolochko announced this on a dating show on a radio station this week, and to Instagram, of course, to announce her replacement, not one but to blow up dolls called Lola and Luna and he's now also expressed an interest in marrying a male doll, as well. Poor Margo must be feeling so deflated, as well as feeling properly used, I wonder how you go about raising divorce papers on an inanimate object and what grounds would be applicable for divorce in the first place. I mean, you couldn't go for irreconcilable differences and I'm sure it couldn't have been adultery. Nevertheless, Margo is now the outgoing Mrs Tolochko, who no doubt will become homeless, that is unless he kept her packaging.

Right, I'm off to have a torrid affair with my new multicoloured Lilo. If anyone needs me I'll be floating around my pool with the new love of my life. Until next week, take care, stay safe and as always from me Michelle, Hasta Luego from the Costa del Sol.

https://funkymedia.agency/calendar