Michelle Johnstone  0:01  Hola Funky Media listeners.......hi peeps it's me, Essex, with what's happening on the coast this week, and I've had a bit of a hectic one is I had a trip to the province of Valencia this last weekend, with my bit on the side or realistically, known as my long-suffering husband, who was playing football in a tournament in a place called Torrevieja.  Torrevieja is a province of Valencia for those of you that don't know and it's about a five and a half-hour drive from where I live in Mijas Costa. It was a long hot drive there with a couple of friends who very kindly drove us.   A few toilet and refreshment breaks as you do and we arrived safely early afternoon on Friday. It must have been about 34/36 degrees, so we checked into the hotel, got to our rooms and opened our cases to rummage through for a swimsuit, as you do.  Because the first thing on your mind is, to hell with the unpacking, I need that pool. We've all done it haveñ t we ?  A swim, some drinks, unwind and we'll go back up and unpack later and freshen up before we meet up with the rest of the team for dinner, at an Indian restaurant that had been arranged. I gotta say, it was one of the nicest rubies, or curry to those of you north of the Watford gap that I've had. The food was great. The resort was very quiet, which was a breath of fresh air from the madness on the coast here. So, I have a big shout out this week to the lads of Malaga, Walking Football Club, who were complete troopers and played four games in 38 degrees of heat and came third out of all the teams that were there. Walking football is a growing sport here. Well, they call it walking football but those guys will break it darn fast if you ask me, but they give it their all and when I say lads, what I mean is they are men in their 50s and 60s. They were ecstatic and all the wives and girlfriends or WAGS were happy for them afterwards. Of course, they were all the stories to regale afterwards but a good time was had by all, had a good few giggles also, not to mention the alcohol that we put away.                       I must admit, I didn't really watch too much of the tournament as a friend and I were busy trying to book a hot stone massage and a bit of shopping followed by coffee.    You can take the girl out of Essex but you can't take Essex out of the girl. Well done to Malaga, walking football team. It was a lovely hotel, a nice location, and a brilliant weekend. I can't wait for the next one in Portugal, in October. So, the COVID rules there seem to be a little bit more relaxed in Torrevieja Valencia, than they are here. We were only required to wear masks while inside the hotel lobby etc. Well, that's to be expected but they didn't seem to be any outside terrace rules, whereas here, we're still on a maximum of six people outside.   The numbers seem to be going up here a little but we are still under that 1000 mark, which could bring in new restrictions. Who knows, I guess we'll worry about that when and if it happens. In the meantime hospitalizations, are up slightly, and so is the ICU pressure, but that doesn't necessarily mean that that's all to do with this pandemic. People could be in ICU for a number of reasons, so it's not exactly clear. 

We are now all hoping that the UK Government will stick to its word when it says no quarantine for vaccinated Brits. It does seem a bit unfair that British people don't have to quarantine after returning from a holiday in Spain but us expats do. This means we will be able to fly over and visit loved ones we haven't seen for nearly two years. The only thing that makes me nervous is them suddenly changing the rules of the game and I'll get stuck over there. It's not such a bad thing but my life and my responsibilities, of course, are here. There is also a small matter of the cost and the amount of the COVID tests needed.  My gosh, you certainly are paying premium prices for them over there.  Someone is doing good business out of others but hopefully, things are moving in the right direction as government officials are expected to make 33 reciprocal arrangements with other countries, which hopefully will give the travel industry, a bit of a boost, and us Expats some hope of seeing the people that we love. Having said that, I've just read an article about travellers arriving into Heathrow last Saturday, where they were forced to queue for about three hours after only one official was there to check passports. Why only one official?  God only knows, the people missed connecting buses and taxis they booked.   A passenger who landed at around 7:30 pm local time complained that he didn't get through passport control until after 10:30 pm that night. I'd like to know, why one of the busiest airports in the world had only one official checking passport, that's ridiculous!  Welcome to Heathrow International Airport 2021!

Technology has really moved on in the last month Fuengirola has added drones to the beaches. They've flown over 900 missions in the last month. The Costa del Sol is the only municipality in the whole of Spain at the moment, who has these drones, and they're there to rescue swimmers, locate lost children, and to help prevent accidents.  They're also being used for surveillance in searching for missing people. This is really futuristic stuff. The drones also come equipped with loudspeakers, so they can relay a message to beachgoers or give out any warnings that people should be aware of. They also carry a life jacket and a defibrillator. Isn't that brilliant. They operate between the hours of 11 am and 8 pm and can fly for about 40 to 45 minutes at a time.  A bit Big Brother but an excellent gadget to save lives and keep the beaches safe. I'm quite impressed with that. Apparently, these will be an operation until September the 15th, when the summer season here ends. 

Now, here's a strange but scary story I read this week. Apparently, an Austrian man sustained eye-watering injuries to his genital area, when he encountered a five-foot Python hiding in his toilet. I would have pooped myself to say it mildly. I freak out if I see a cockroach, never mind a flipping snake.  The 65-year-old had nipped off to the loo plunked himself on the seat and got one hell of a surprise. Police said the man said he did feel a pinch on his bits, a pinch?  I bet he did, I bet he felt more than a pinch. When the unlucky beggar stood up to inspect the bowl, he was stunned to see a huge albino Python, staring back at him. Man, that would have sent me shrieking down the road with my drawers around my ankles. The snake reportedly belonged to a neighbour and had escaped before choosing the unsuspecting man's toilet for a nice spot for a rest.    A local reptile expert and police officers were called in to remove it. The man was bitten, was taken to hospital and treated for minor injuries, minor injuries, maybe he just had a small one but luckily he escaped with a little more than a nasty shock and a story to tell.  Fortunately, the snake wasn't venomous. The animal was also injured, thank heavens for that or you'd have had all the animal rights people up in arms, and it was returned to his 24-year-old owner next door after a quick clean..... yuck!           Police said the man keeps a total of 11 venomous snakes and a gecko in his apartment in specially designed cages and drawers. Sod that!   What's the phone number for the nearest estate agent?   His neighbour didn't even realise the Python was missing until the police brought it back. I'm so glad I don't live next door to him. 

Well, guys, I'm going to keep it short and sweet this week, as I'm still recovering from the mad weekend, all the alcohol and the screaming that I've done. I wish you a wonderful week. Take care,  stay safe, and as always, from me Michelle,  Hasta Luego from the Costa del Sol.

https://funkymedia.agency/calendar