Hola Funky Media listeners, ding ding year two, Essex here coming to you from a scorching and mega hot Costa del Sol. Man ! our temperatures went up a bit lively this week. We went from a pleasant and summer's coming to a rapid rise of 36 degrees so far within a couple of days and it's been like that ever since I spoke to you last. Some of the Spanish are saying that we're expecting our hottest summer on record. Well if it´s this hot in June, God help us in July and August. It'll be full tilt boogie with the air conditioning. Did I mentioned we've had a 20% rise in electricity costs this year ? The hottest part of the day is between 3 and 5pm so by 7pm you're wrecked. Still, no point in moaning, there'll be no stopping it, so we'll just have to deal with it. See, I told you we all like to have a good moan about the weather. And I see we're still on the amber list this week and Lord knows why. If you do travel to Spain from the UK, I found out this week that you do not need a PCR test or to quarantine coming this way but if we come to the UK, we need at least three or four tests, which is costing a fortune on top of the holiday costs. This is all a bit crazy now and I fear some people are taking advantage of the situation. When I looked at the Corona map for Spain last night, our numbers are really quite low. So, how can it be a risk coming to Spain for a break ? Personally, I think it should be the other way round as Britain is more a risk to us in Spain, than we are to the UK. I hear that Boris is not going to let you all free after all on June the 21st, as promised, so much for his roadmap to normality, eh ? That all seems to have gone pear shaped. I just knew he was going to make a U turn. It was obvious it was going to happen. In the meantime, EasyJet has set up a new base in Malaga airport which should create 100 jobs and added a new route from Birmingham as well as three new Airbus A 320s, which will be based on the Costa from March until October. Lord knows why, as we're not getting that much traffic from the UK at the moment and this is what we're hearing that British Airways have furloughed their staff once again and Virgin Atlantic is almost on its knees. I'll be surprised if you get some kind of normal before August or September and to be honest, I don't think the British will see a summer holiday abroad this year at all, unless you're prepared to do the quarantine. So, how does our friend Boris expect the travel industry, amongst others in hospitality to survive ? I don't think he's got a bloody clue to be fair. While here in Spain, we are waiting for word that we can dispense with mask wearing in outside spaces sometime this month, fingers crossed. Our restaurants are open and operating and us locals are trying to make sure it stays that way. Things are a lot more normal here but the hotel industry is going to suffer this year, they already are. I went out for a night out on Saturday which was fabulous with food and entertainment. It was a cracking night, some of us even had a bit of a boogie. Shhhh ! It felt normal, which is something we all haven't felt in a while. Elliott Wright of T.O.W.I.E. fame has reopen the terrace of his restaurant Olivia's this week, after being nearly burnt to the ground in April. Work there is going at a really great speed. The only thing he has to do is open his upstairs terrace, which I'm sure will happen at breakneck speed judging by how the rest of the building work has come along but I think he's also going to hurt through the lack of tourism. Hopefully not. Can you guess who's doing his Awnings ? Yep, Ace of Shades, so I have a bit of the inside scoop of what's going on there. The refurbishment is starting to look fabulous and although it's not really one of my regular hangouts, I do wish him luck. Things have been hard enough as it is but the lack of tourists here is certainly taking its toll. The economy in both countries will be through the floor when the chickens finally come home to roost.

However, some people are braving it and travelling to Spain from the UK, regardless of the quarantine rules upon their return and we've already had two incidents this week we could well do without. What is it with these idiots who participate in balcony diving ? It's known here in Spain as ´Balconing´. A 31 year old man is in serious condition after attempting to jump from the third floor holiday apartment into the pool. He suffered multiple injuries, including severe head trauma, which I think he must have had in the first place for even doing it. Every year these youngsters come here, they get fueled up on alcohol and do these stupid feats. He miscalculated the trajectory and fell on an umbrella in the pool area on the way down. He´s now spending the rest of his holiday in the intensive care unit of Malaga hospital after being transferred there from the Costa del Sol hospital. Also, another young British girl who was intoxicated and inhaling nitrous oxide has landed herself in hospital when she jumped out of a moving car and threw herself off a bridge. You know, these are the kind of tourists that we could do without to be honest. I'm sure this will be one holiday they'll never forget and for that matter, their poor parents.

Changing the subject, to be honest with all this going on and trying to save the planet. I can't believe Boris flew 215 miles from London to Cornwall for the G7 summit last week. They're banging on about saving the planet and reducing our carbon footprints. Why could he not have taken the train ? It´s ridiculous !! and did you notice that one minute, they were elbow bumping to greet one another and the next they we're hugging, not socially distanced or wearing masks. I tell you, it's one rule for us, and another for them. Another classic example of don't do as I do, do as I say. Euro 2020 which is really Euro 2021 started this week, after being cancelled last year. I can't say I'm excited as I'm not a big football fan but even the joy is being sucked out of that too. I'm hearing that you can't boo, cheer or sing. So if England score, you need to remain schtum. I also see that footy fans in the UK could be fined up to 1000 pounds for flying an England flag from their cars because they're saying it's a health and safety hazard. But I can't see a lot of difference between that and having an aerial on top of your car roof. As long as you haven't gone overboard with 20 odd flags. Surely being patriotic and flying the flag, can't be deemed a criminal offence ? When does all this stop ? We really need to get a grip on all this insanity. The lunatics are indeed running the asylum. I can remember when I lived in the UK, during these tournament's and the World Cup, we all used to fly the flag on our cars in support and pride for our nation. They weren't a danger then. The only danger back then was having someone nicking it off of your car. Frankly Boris, I think the time has come for you to stick your head up your back passage and blow your nose until the pressure equalises. And this taking of the knee thing is also starting to wind me up now. I am all for black lives matter but personally I think politics should be kept out sports. What next ? The cast of ´Les Mis´ or ´Mary Poppins´ taking to the knee before performances ? That's if the theatres ever open up. It's enough now. I'm finding it offensive and I have to say, even my black friends here, feel the same. Politics has no place in entertainment. Whatever happened to having fun and human rights ? It all seems to have been eaten up during this pandemic. Our world has changed so much in the last two years, especially by the WOKE brigade. What's next, you have to ask ? I know this is a podcast and it's supposed to be moments from the Costa del Sol, but compared to here, most of the news I'm reading seems to be coming from your end. Spain hasn´t imposed any of these crazy laws. Besides, we're all still concentrating on how to keep our speed down to 20 miles per hour on certain roads here, while trying to keep our cars momentum. Did I mention my poor husband received a speeding ticket this week, 100 euro fine and three points on his licence ? He wasn't too happy when he came home from work.

On a lighter note, a giant tortoise somehow ended up a mile from his home and had to be taken back in a police van. It took three police officers to lift up Titan the tortoise, who is 35 years old and measures a metre across after he was spotted around 2:25 on Friday in Kesgrave near Ipswich. I wonder if he escaped of that ark I was telling you about last week. Actually, Titan who weighs nine stone lives in a garden in Suffolk, where he is pinned in by a three-foot tall fence. There was no sign of the fence being broken, and he can't jump over it. Maybe he was swooped up by a ´Shellycopter´ His owner has no idea how he escaped his enclosure and believes he may have been teleported out. Beam me up Titan.....

Well as another week of insanity comes to a close and the sun burns down on España, I'm off for a swim, followed by lay down in my chest freezer to cool my head before it explodes from the heat and all this nonsense. I'll be back next week with more ranting and raving. Until then, have a great week lovely people, try and have some fun, stay safe and as always, from me Michelle, Hasta Luego from the Costa del Sol.

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