A man has to think but not too much. Thinking to an extreme can paralyze a man’s actions and turn him into a passive coward.

For me to see my mother Umma’s eyes filled with tears tripled my trauma...

Everything is real. Even when you’re in Love.~Midnight.

...but when you are used to having money, even money that you bank and don’t touch, there is a terror that comes when you’re down to having none.

It became clear to me that an excellent thinker and fighter like Sensei could easily be out of balance without the spiritual knowledge that a Muslim has. And the peace that I had achieved at my young age was probably more about setting limits and enjoying more by not trying to have everything.

We just sat silently...no sex, just hugging and rocking. I thought my heart would burst.

It was one of those real bad moments , when your eyes see something, and your mind understands , but your heart won’t accept it as true.

I looked up at her face and knew she didn’t know that I intended to separate myself from her. I needed her to stop coming for me...I needed her to stay away from me for my own good, for my own sake. For the protection of the man I am and want to be.

I was thinking numbers...$80,00 for the house, another $1000 for the closing costs, including the lawyers fees, the home insurance cost, the house appraisal cost, the inspection cost, and the title search...$81,500. Then there will be the actual small house repairs , paints and supply cost, move-in fees...let’s say another $1000. Now we’re at $82,500. We’ve got $85,300 in our account. Once we buy the house we’ll have only $2800 left. But the flip side is, there would be no more rent to pay, no mortgage to pay, no bank to seize our house when business got slow or tight, and peace of mind...

Big day, Saturday May3rd I thought to myself. Akemi’s art show, the start of Umma’s classes, my workday at Cho’s and my opening game with the league, different places, different times, one man.