Unknown Speaker 0:01 Hola Funky Media listeners, Yup, me again Essex with this week's news and insanity. We've sort of progressed here from the whole COVID issue. We're all being really responsible, so the topic of conversation has changed to "What's going on with this weather"? One minute is hot and sunny, the next day it's warm but grey and overcast. Then it rains. So, we seem to be moaning here, more about the weather. Personally, I think is because I switched my winter wardrobe over to my summer clothes and that's the reason. You know, it's like ´sod's law´ it´s a bit like being in the UK and the weather is lovely for a couple of days. So you finally break out the garden furniture, tease it into place in the garden, invite your friends and neighbours to a barbecue that weekend and it pee´s down with rain so you end up barbecuing under the garage roof. Come on, we've all done it. Here it can be colder in the mornings, so you put on a sweatshirt and a couple of hours later, it's tropical and you're sweating your wotsits off, then the sun goes down and it gets chilly again. This is a time of year, I turn into an onion. I layer up and I layer down. Come on, it's June already and this is the Costa del Sol, "The Coast of the Sun" !! So, Where in the heck is it? Bring it on and while we're adjusting to the crap weather, some smart person in the UK puts up a post on social media of ´how lovely the weather is´ in Nottingham in the UK while we're all suffering here on the Mediterranean. No, I'm just kidding, but we all love to moan about the weather. It amuses me because when I first arrived on these sunny shores on a warm September day. I used to post pictures with captions like. "wish you were here" and I´d send recorded sea noises to my relatives, you know, little clips like "this is what the sea sounds like". I think a lot of us Brits have done this to friends and family for a giggle but the honeymoon phase eventually wears off and you adjust into your new life, then all your friends and families start holidaying....here. In fact, I have seen more of my family and friends since I moved to sunny Spain than when I lived in the UK. Suddenly, I've become the most popular holiday destination of travel for family and friends. They come in their droves and we love it. Despite the fact you're driving the Coast road to Malaga airport like a shuttle bus, starting to think, hmm, maybe we need an ABTA licence. You know and a flashing sign outside that says vacancies/no vacancies. The goodbyes are always hard. Well, most of the time. Then there's the dash through the departure section at the airport in order to bypass the exorbitant parking fees and it's time to play "Beat the Barriers", while yelling, "bye, bye", and waving our arms about like nutters, "see you soon. Love you". We even have a place in plan for all our kith and kin on airport protocol. The picking up and the dropping off procedures we all do here. I miss those days. I hope we can resume those again. Come on, Boris give us all a break. We need to see our families. We need to be on the green list is perfectly safe here. The Spanish are letting the Brits in now, but the British government needs to be regulating some of these PCR test costs because I'm hearing nightmares from friends who have made it back into the UK for one reason or another and are spending a fortune on tests and quarantining. All I'm saying is, look at the numbers, Boris, let us see our loved ones. Congratulations on your wedding, by the way, great distraction this week from the ´Cummings´ and goings over the last week, and nice of you to make an honest woman out of Carrie, a nice young girl like that. I hear Carrie will become a Johnson. That's fabulous, maybe she'll be able to get a comb through his hair. Seriously though, call me old school but how can you run a country if you can't even brush your hair?

Unknown Speaker 4:41 Anyway, back to Spain. This week we saw more British travellers arrive on our shores because we don't have all the palavar of quarantining and constant PCR testing. All we require is a negative test coming in. I think it's like 72 hours before travelling and of course when you fly back out and those certificates are generally reasonable and easy to get here. So, some of the public is back on the Costa and looking very happy to be here. I visited our local Zoo in Fuengirola this weekend, you know, drop-in, see some of the relatives. No, seriously, it was a fabulous day. In all the years I've lived here I have never been to the Bioparc in Fuengirola, and it was well worth the visit. It was so beautiful and so tranquil. It was also filled with families and children out and about enjoying themselves, which was nice to see, Lots of folk on the beach, weather permitting, no parking but definitely livelier and more road traffic. I think we take that for granted here on the Costa del Sol. We don't usually have the choked up traffic like we tend to get our home. Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner, I don't know, my pool is finally warm enough to put my toes into. The Costa hoteliers here are telling us that they're only expecting 40% occupancy rate for June when all the hotels open. Now, considering how many people visit the Costa del Sol yearly. Then you will know this. That's well down. I think we get something like 3 million visitors a year so 40% of that is not a lot but it is bringing some revenue back to the coast so I guess it's a start. I also noticed that the concert park near Sohail Castle in Fuengirola is setting up the seating so I'm wondering what concerts, if any, are planned for the summer but there's definitely seating going up in preparation, which is something we haven't seen in a while and we do get some big names here on the coast.

Unknown Speaker 6:52 Now, this week has had some very interesting stories in it and I'm not going to rant this week, I promise. In fact, I'm wondering if anyone else heard the story of the police officer who could lose his job after he told a female PCSO, he stirred her tea with his ......man bit !! What do they mean he could lose his job? That should be a given. That is just bizarre and creepy. PC Steven Green claimed that, he was just having a bit of a laugh and that he misjudged his friendship with the victim. Misjudged his friendship? I reckon he did that alright. If that´d been me, I would have reached for a knife in the canteen draw, and really taught him a lesson in misjudgement !! Apparently. he's even been watching her getting changed in the female locker room and has given her a shoulder massage, without her permission. A second PCSO, I believe that's a Police Constable Special Officer described him as having a cocky attitude, no pun intended, what she meant was, he behaved as though he owned the place. Now, PC Green denies most of the charges, I´ll just bet he does or in his head, I bet he regrets it but he did admit that he pushed the door to the locker room. He said he was trying to make friends ......and influence people no doubt. Well, that's one heck of a way to get the attention of your colleagues. What is going on in this world? That puts "Protect and Serve" in a whole different category. A police officer and the ones our parents always taught us to respect. Apparently, he was found guilty of nine charges in front of a disciplinary panel but the burning question for me, other than, why would you do like that is... How hot was that flaming tea? Surely that's gotta burn! What an idiot but not the only idiot this week with a cocky attitude as is John Barrowman. He has managed to get himself fired from the BBC Doctor Who series and the popular ITV Dancing On Ice show. I think he was skating on very thin ice himself when he got his man bit out for a laugh. Now, apparently, John Barrowman is very well endowed shall we say, I just want to add this is not from personal experience but it's well known in showbiz circles that he likes to get it out and put it on public view for a giggle. Well, look where that jokes got you mate, unemployed! I doubt he'll ever play Dick in a Panto again. What is it with these people who have a great future and do the most inane things that ruin and bring their careers crashing to a halt and for a what? I hope it brought a smile to your face John because that's about all it's going to do. I just don't understand it. This is definitely a guy thing. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be sexist, but for goodness sake and for the sake of the planet. Put it away.

Unknown Speaker 10:15 Now, next week will be my Anniversary podcast as I've been giving you earache for the last year. This all started with me during the lockdown and we've covered so much ground since then. From the factual to the ridiculous and I've enjoyed doing it. So I just wanted to say thank you to my listeners and thank you to all of you for your feedback and support. If there's anything you would like me to cover in the week, don't be shy, let me know we can always discuss it. Next week, I'll bring you a special anniversary podcast to celebrate. Until then, I'm off to the beach to scope out this year swimwear. Pray that summer arrives so that I can start wearing my summer collection. Let the shoe shopping and the leg waxing begin. Take care, have a great week, whatever you are doing stay safe and as always my friends from me, Michelle, Hasta Luego from the Costa del Sol.

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