Michelle Johnstone  0:00  Hola Funky Media listeners..... I'm back.  Did you miss me last week ?  Yes it´s Essex here out of the darkness and back in the light reporting to you from the Costa del Sol.        Oy what a week I had on my way to the podcast last week.  My woes started at 9am last Monday morning when the electricity company here decided to cut the power to my house. God only knows why, which stopped me dead in my tracks to record last week's podcast for you. Let me just add that the bill had been paid. Just in case you are wondering but Endesa made a monumental mistake, which took them four days to correct. Yes, we were living in the house for four days with no electricity, because some idiot at Endesa in their infinite wisdom decided to cut the power which took us from Monday morning to Thursday afternoon to get switched back on and you thought  British Gas was bad. Therefore, I was unable to record my weekly rant. So here goes. I've had no air conditioning in this sweltering 30 odd degree heat, no way of cooking, no fridge, no freezer, no lights and no hot water, as my house is completely electric. The only upside is, I haven't had to cook for four days. There's a lot to be said for food delivery. I even have electric security shutters installed by moi,  here Ace of Shades which are impossible to lift. So the only way out of the house is through the front door.   I couldn't even open the shutters to get into my garden. I was trapped in a dark house.   I was going mental at them in Spanish, of course but as everything here in Spain, they work at the same speed,.......... slow ..........and everything here is Manaña.   Trying to get through to Endesa after going through multiple press this number for this option, then press this number for another and that's just a speak to a representative, all in Spanish, I might add, because at Endesa, they no speaka da English. It was a nightmare. Constant promises from them every day, with sorry about the mistake, it'll be back on by 12pm and with them closing at 2pm like most Spanish companies, it was head banging.      The power finally came back on at 1pm last Thursday, to say I was peed off would be an understatement and don't think I won't be going after some sort of compensation on my next bill for this massive error. My neighbours were absolutely fantastic. They were bring me flasks of hot water and charging up our phones so we could communicate with the outside world and to top it off, my car was the garage for repairs. I couldn't have picked a worse week so, I couldn't even leave my house if I wanted to. Here in Spain. we've only just got other electricity suppliers we can switch to, which I will be looking into for sure, but for the longest time, Endesa had the monopoly on electricity here. So the choices were  "Do you want electric or not ?"  Thank goodness it's summer and the days are long because as soon as the sun went down, we were plunged into total darkness and I was walking around the house like the ´Lady with the Lamp´  Nothing gets done urgently here. 

Anyway, back to the news this week Easyjet and Ryanair, are getting ready for more UK visitors. as of your freedom day this week. How's that going for you by the way, do you feel free ?  Ryanair believes there will be some 5 million passengers to and from Malaga this year.  EasyJet are optimistic too, reporting an increase of 400% in bookings this week. It seems people have decided to fly to Spain, despite it being on the amber list, as there is no quarantine upon return, supposedly, for anyone who's been double pricked. Well, At least until your track and trace app starts pinging you. I'm hearing a lot of people are removing the NHS track and trace app, including some government officials and it's becoming unviable as lots of people are being pinged for no reason. So you could actually be negative, and still have to quarantine for 10 days, if you get pinged.     It could be your neighbour, who's tested positive, and you've been pinged because you share a wall with them. Well, that was 32 million pounds of taxpayers money well spent, ....NOT...... Costa hotels are predicting, they will have a 60% occupancy by August due to the surge in bookings since last week. So, there is still hope of a summer holiday in the sun.   Numbers have gone up slightly here in Andalucia but they are finding that most COVID patients in intensive care here are the over 50s, who refused the vaccine. Out of 102 people hospitalised,  64% of them are unvaccinated according to the figures. A spokesman called Elias Bendodo,....love his name, said that none of the patients admitted had had both their jobs. So let's hope this vaccination works, and we can all go back to living our normal ish lives. Spain's first severe lockdown which lasted several weeks, where we were not allowed to leave our homes, unless it was for essential reasons, has this week been ruled unconstitutional. The court ruling could open the door to a wave of possible lawsuits and the annulment of 1.2 million fines that were issued during that period. This should be interesting. I'll try and keep on top of this one, to report it back to you at a future date. Spain is also set to approve the sale of COVID-19 self diagnosis kits available in the chemist, without prescriptions. Why on earth would you need a prescription for this God only knows. This was refused before because the Ministry of Health here, alleged it would give us a false sense of security from the fact, but they were also saying that they were completely unreliable. Brilliant !!  I can't see myself rushing to the Farmacia for a self testing kit if it can't be relied on. What is the point ?  I think we're all tired of this COVID thing now. It's taken up the news every day for the last 18 months and everyone's fed up.  Surely, we are adult enough to do the right thing, keep ourselves safe and get on with living our lives. After all, it seems to be okay for government ministers who are playing the same game as us, except by a different set of rules. 

How many people crowded into Wembley Stadium for the Euro 2020 final, which sadly we lost. I think it's so unfair when a game of such importance ends in penalties. The bars and pubs here were rammed with Brits cheering on the England team. Still, it's over now and well done to our lads for making second place out of all the teams that participated. You can't win them all but our boys and Gareth Southgate did a great job and made us all very proud. 

Now, spiders and bugs totally freak me out and this is the time of year when we start to see cockroaches, not my favourite bug by any shot they scare the watsits out of me but a woman has described her horror after discovering 18 snakes writhing under her bed as she was about to go to sleep. Must have been a bit  "I'm a celebrity" don't you think ?  The encounter left her scared shirtless, shall we say (you got to keep it clean) and freaked out.  No doubt, I would have left home. People would have heard me yelling my husband's name from three streets away.   This poor woman had to do a double take after noticing what she initially thought was a piece of fuzz moving on the floor. Can you imagine ?  Actually it´s probably better not to. She eventually found a mother snake and 17 babies after turning the bedroom, upside down. Trish Wilcher said, "I'm struggling to move about the house much less sit down anywhere. I may need a cardiologist after this"....... me to love !!   I think I would have had a heart attack !!         All the snakes have now been found and just for the record, they were brown, non venomous snakes but still, I'd be forever looking under things and on pins. I'm still getting over the paranoia of finding a cockroach swimming in my toilet,

A Florida man, stole candles from a mall store, candles, what the heck ?  Maybe he had an electric power cut too and he's sprayed dozens of patrons with a mace repellent before escaping police said.  The theft happened Saturday afternoon at a Bath and Bodyworks store in a mall in Miami, Florida, investigators said.  The unidentified suspect, entered the store, filled a bag with candles and then started spraying people with mace. About 35 people were affected, some were taken to hospitals for treatment, including the store manager, a portion of the mall was evacuated after the macing. The man believed responsible got away in a cab. The suspect could face numerous armed robbery and aggravated battery charges. Once he's arrested.   Battery ?  I thought they were candles and while we're on the subject, the world's most expensive candle named "Smells like Capitalism" has been put on sale priced at 2021 pounds.  Its maker ´Flaming Crap´ says it gives off a musky leather aroma with notes of great British Sterling kept in an offshore account, whatever that smells like.   At that price. I wouldn't even want to burn it if I didn't have electric. It was inspired by Gwyneth Paltrows "This smells like my Vagina" candle, ........really ? would you want your room flooded with Gwyneth Paltrows odours ?  methinks not.   The world's gone bloody mad. What happened to all the talc and  floral scents ?  Don't think I'll be rushing out to buy either one of those,  electricity or no electricity. Well, that's me caught up for this week, I may try to develop a candle which I shall call "L´eau de 1000 Brussel sprouts", why not ?                                                I hope you all have a brilliant week, and enjoy your newfound freedom and long may it last. We look forward to seeing you all in Spain again soon, to enjoy the sun, sand, sea and sangria. Until next week. Have a good one, stay safe, and as always from me Michelle,  Hasta Luego from the Costa del Sol.

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