Hola Funky Media listeners it's Michelle/Essex Bird with my weekly check in from the Costa del Sol.  Thank goodness things have cooled down here this week. We actually had a bit of rain on Friday. You know the craziest thing. I never did this in the UK. but the minute the rain started to fall here, I ran outside to stand in it and I've got to say it felt great and all my neighbors came outside and everybody's jumping up and down excitedly, screaming "It's raining it's raining"  I can't ever remember doing that in Essex. It’s amazing how a little water from the sky can cause so much excitement. I think the last time we had rain here was actually last May.

 

Unfortunately COVID numbers have gone up here just like in the UK but it's nothing like what's being reported on your news channels, I want to put you straight. The majority of cases are in Madrid, and the north of Spain.  They have now put 37 regions of Madrid in lockdown again, which, I got to say it is a little bit of a relief for us living in the south, where the numbers are quite low. A lot of Madridleaños, that's what they call the people from Madrid, by the way. Madridleaños have holiday homes down here and ... you know here on the Costa del Sol, so hopefully it will keep our numbers down and get things back under control. Although the Province of Andalucía are keeping their eye on the situation and if there is a rising in cases in Malaga province. Then you know what's going to happen but at the moment they're putting it down to tourism hotspots. As usual I don't mean to sound condescending but it's mainly due to the younger people coming here and partying like the world is normal, and they're invincible. The economy here isn't doing great. Unfortunately and at the moment unemployment, of course is up. Businesses are hurting from the lack of tourism this year. It's really quite heart wrenching to see some of the Brits, and the Spanish, who have built a business and put their blood sweat and tears into it, only to have to walk away from it and hand in the keys. It's just so sad and we have noticed that the price of food has gone up slightly as well, but I guess that was bound to happen.

 

There are a couple of places that I got to say are totally take into the urine here. They have added a COVID tax and I'm not going to I'm not going to name and shame, but they've added a COVID tax to their bills but let me tell you something this is totally illegal. They're justifying it by saying, it's because they have to supply hand sanitizer and take extra disinfecting procedures, but those places are being found out and they're being stopped. We didn't get the "Eat Out to Help Out" deal here, like you guys got in the UK. So for me, I think it's just a bloody liberty making up a tax and adding it to the bill. Of course if you call them out. You could refuse to pay it. So life here is a little bit different, right now but we all have to keep that stiff upper lip mentality and exercise a bit of common sense and just get on with it really i mean what else can you do?

 

 Also this week we had a 4.1 earthquake. The epicenter was just 6 kilometers off the coast of Fuengirola and was about 60 kilometers deep. Now, this natural phenomenon was felt in Fuengirola, Torremolinos and Mijas where I live. Although I have to say, the earth didn't move for me. No damage thankfully was recorded. This is the 5th earthquake we've had and the biggest one recorded this year. Now, earthquakes really do worry me actually, I spent 15 years living in California, where they're very, very prevalent. In fact, I was there for the big Northridge Quake in 1994, which was a magnitude of 6.7. on the Richter scale and he did a lot of damage and it can be really scary when it's happening because you never know how strong it's going to be or how long it's going to go on for.  So you've got like a couple of different types of earthquake you've got the ones that like jolt and crack or you've got the ones that rumble, that you don't know when they're going to end but once you've had an earthquake, you're then usually on alert for the next few days because of tremors. So right that's, you know, hopefully everything will be cool, that's enough of the bad stuff let's move on to something lighter

 

Now you know how much I love a mad news story and I've got a couple for you this week. I personally I think there should be a news channel designated to these crazy stories across the world because I think we'd all have a really good laugh. So, this week, a man took to Twitter to share a snap of the confusing instructions that were printed on the back of a Chopping Board that he purchased. Now I'm not going to name the store is a very well-known store. He noticed a sticker on the back of it, that advised users against using it as a Chopping Board. Well he was more than confused. You would be wouldn't you?  I mean, you go into a shop you buy a Chopping Board and it's not fit for purpose. I mean, what the heck?  So the warning, it’s got a warning label on the back, it says, wood chopping board in big bold letters and then it says, wipe clean only, wipe up spills immediately to avoid staining. Do not soak. Do not use as a chopping board!! Well the man shared the picture up to Twitter and all he wrote above it was like, Errrr.......which is probably what I would have put too, unsurprisingly his posts received plenty of attention from the fellow, Peeps, you know, fellow tweeters, who were actually trying to work out what the purpose of the board actually was.  One person put underneath.... "ha-ha jumping board instructions, clear as COVID guidelines" another one  said "it's  obviously a JUST FOR SHOW chopping board"  and then a third person added  "It's not a chopping board for veg, It's a karate chop chopping board to prove how strong you are" aha crazy absolutely nuts. What is the point of buying a chopping board you can't chop on?

 

Now if that wasn't a strange enough. This is the weirdest story of the week, slowing it down, is an understatement. Now if I pronounce this place right but fans flocked to St Bachardy Church in Germany last weekend, when the world's slowest musical composition, changed chords for the first time in seven years. Seven, bloody long years for one chime. It's been 19 years since this piece, which is called "As Slow as Possible", no kidding.  it's a piece that was composed by an American called John Cage. He began, and not he began sorry, they began playing here at the church on an organ, specifically built for its extremely slow tempo. The song was designed to take 639 years to finish with a projected end time of the year, 2640, which means that none of us are ever going to hear this thing in its entirety. The performance that began in 2001 is so slow it once had an 18-month long pause, ahh try listening to that on your iPod. Impossible! Even though no one will ever hear this piece, it's gathered quite a worldwide following, both in person and via Livestream. I just can't imagine, you know, waiting for this to happen. According to the project's website fans, watch the momentous chord change last weekend. Oh my gosh, how exciting is that?  I mean, imagine calling to your partner. Quick come in from the kitchen come in, you're going to miss it, you’re going to miss it. We're going to go to the church, or we'll miss the chime, unbelievable. They've waited seven years for this to change. Now they're going to have to wait a little bit longer for the next chime, as it's not due until the end of 2022. This musical piece represents "slowness during a fast-paced era", and a symbol of confidence in the future. I mean seriously what does that even mean? I don't get it. I thought waiter service here was slow in Spain, but this takes the biscuit absolutely.

 

Anyway, I've had a really great week. I've had a charity luncheon with a Neil Diamond tribute and if you remember a couple of weeks ago I told you a story about some people that started "Rock the Lockdown", which kept us all going during that quarantine period and last night I got the pleasure to go and see them live. The wonderful Ollie Hughes, and Lucy Pardoe and I got to say it was absolutely a brilliant, brilliant night, we got there and first we had a temperature taken and then we went through the hand gel sanitizer station and then we were shown to the VIP area! which was absolutely great. I had no idea we were going to be at the VIP area. We had an absolutely fantastic view. The show was absolutely fabulous I think it was really a night that we really all needed. It was just so good, so well-done Lucie and Ollie, once again, you wowed the crowd. Anyway, that's all my news for this week. I hope you guys have an absolutely fabulous week, enjoy your lives, please stay safe. Hasta luego from the Costa del Sol

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