Last week I told you part of my story and told you about three things I got right while I was single. This week I want to tell you a little more and tell you about three more things I got right.

Waiting

People have difficulty waiting. Today, more than ever, people seem to have no ability to or inclination to delay gratification. It is assumed that any human want, need, or desire has to be satisfied as soon as possible.

One of the biggest mistakes I see single people make, especially those who are single again, is they rush into dating and into a new relationship too quickly. Thank God, that was a lesson I was able to learn from witnessing other singles’ mistakes. I did not have to make this for mistake myself. I saw enough other people get hurt over and over in this repetitive, get interested, get together, get discouraged, get out cycle to keep me away from it.

What I Got Right

One of the things I got right was that I waited. I waited until I was over my ex and had healed up significantly before getting into a relationship. In fact, and you may find this hard to believe, I had no romantic dating relationship until I got to know the woman I married.

I was single and unattached for more than six years after my divorce. If I can do this, me, this weak-willed guy who thrives on affection and who my ex-wife stopped just short of accusing of being a sex addict can do it, pretty much anyone can do it. It is absolutely possible – and, I believe, necessary.

One reason I waited, like I wrote above, was because I saw so many other singles going through so much heartbreak. Another reason I waited was out of honor for my last marriage. I waited until after my ex remarried and there was no hope of reconciliation. If your spouse leaves you, that kind of waiting is not a requirement. But, personally, I felt better waiting and praying for reconciliation until it was no longer an option.

Yet another reason I waited was to educate myself. I wanted to make sure I had more knowledge about how to date and have better relationships. I wanted to know what it takes to form a relationship that could last a lifetime. Divorcing once was hard enough. Why leave any room for another relationship disaster?

Dating

One of the questions people love to ask single people is if they are dating anyone. Who are you dating? Who are you seeing? It is hard enough dealing with our own internal drive for intimacy, then, family, friends, and society pressure us too.

Dating is a societal expectation. And, not just any type of dating, part of modern dating is the expectation that you are having sex.

What I Got Right

Another important thing I got right was not dating. I just dated a lot. If you read this blog or listen to the podcast at all, you know what I mean. What I did not do was get into any romantic, intimate, sexual, relationships. What I did do was go out on fun, non-romantic, dates with lots of different women.

At first, this was partly because of a fear of ever falling in love again. But later, it was because I learned that this was the best way to date and the best way to find out if someone is the type of person you could imagine yourself married to. You only know that if you have spent significant time with them – and with other people of the opposite sex.

For that reason, it is important to go on dates with lots of different types of people. That is something I got right. I spent time with women with different personalit...