Start your day with a caffeine-fueled comedy ride in this episode of Morning Crankers: Pants, Politics & Paper Bags. Hans takes you through seven jaw-dropping, laugh-out-loud stories that prove the world has officially gone off the rails. From the Birmingham woman who forgot her PANTS and a Florida principal busted for a $37 Walmart heist, to a UK carjacker wielding a paper bag as his “weapon,” the stupidity is strong today.

Sports fans get their share too: Jerry Jones compares a tie to “kissing your sister,” Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl halftime show announcement sparks internet chaos, and golf melts down with Bryson DeChambeau punching himself while Rory McIlroy faces squeaky rubber ducks at the Ryder Cup. Add in a Florida duo caught with 200 pounds of stolen mail, and you’ve got a 40-minute rollercoaster of pure ridiculousness.

If you love morning radio chaos, dumb criminal stories, weird sports news, and caffeinated rants that mix comedy with WTF headlines, this episode is your new guilty pleasure. Grab your coffee, double-check you’re wearing pants, and let’s crank it.

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