Before the all-new Morning Crankers hits in December, we’re bringing you a special compilation of fan-favorite moments from the archives.

This episode brings together the best jokes, the wildest rants, the weirdest news stories, and classic Cranker chaos to hold you over as we finish retooling the show into something bigger, louder, and even funnier.

With Greg taking a temporary leave of absence, we hit reset behind the scenes — rebuilding Morning Crankers piece by piece to deliver the funniest morning comedy podcast on the planet. This compilation is a warm-up lap before the sprint. A “greatest hits” appetizer before the main feast that drops the first week of December.

Enjoy this blast from the past while we prepare a sharper format, brand-new segments, more energy, and more of the ridiculous, caffeinated humor you listen for. The future of Morning Crankers is already cooking — and it’s almost time to serve it.

New episodes officially return the first week of December.

This is your Crankers warm-up. Let’s get stupid.

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This week on the Morning Crankers Comedy Podcast, Hans takes you on a bullet-train ride through the weirdest headlines the universe coughed up. Iceland now has MOSQUITOES for the first time ever, every shrimp in England apparently parties harder than Motley Crüe, Amazon is turning delivery drivers into cyborgs with Terminator glasses, and ChatGPT now works BETTER when you're mean to it (which is honestly the most human AI behavior yet).

From a couple who broke into a restaurant, hooked up in front of a floral wall, THEN robbed it — to ancient 1,300-year-old poop being analyzed like it’s a limited edition vintage — to space debris literally slapping a Boeing mid-flight… this episode is absolute chaos in the best way.

It’s dumb. It’s smart. It’s true. And yes — it’ll make you feel better about your own life choices.

Welcome to the only comedy news show where shrimp are coked up, kidney marriages are romantic, and humanity is clearly speedrunning the apocalypse. Let’s crank.

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In today’s precision-engineered episode of Morning Crankers, Hans calmly dissects a world that appears increasingly allergic to normal. Scientists have invented a magnet-driven lantern that folds, crawls, and gently kidnaps fish. Astronomers are tracking a mysterious interstellar object on a direct path toward our star — “probably a comet” in the same tone people use to say “probably not haunted.” The legendary Sandy Hook sea serpent has re-entered public conversation like folklore that refuses to clock out. Texas Tech has officially declared tortillas a security threat. One school discovered — mid-drag lesson for eight-year-olds — that policies are not a myth. D.C. says the government shutdown will end “soon,” which historically means “prepare winter rations.” And finally — a lion escaped a moving truck through the roof hatch like it subscribed to convertible culture by instinct.

Delivered with surgical calm, cultural absurdity, and zero panic — this episode is proof the simulation interns are no longer supervised.

If you like your news filtered through caffeine, logic, and disbelief restraint — you are home.

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On today’s Morning Crankers Podcast, Jeremy dives headfirst into the chaotic corners of curiosity — from the rise of AI glasses and their questionable uses, to the most iconic foods in Major League Baseball, to a shocking Spanish treasure discovery off the coast of Florida! And just when you thought it couldn’t get more random, we’re hitting you with 25 hilarious nonsense questions about life that’ll make you laugh, think, and question humanity all over again.

This episode is a rollercoaster of absurdity, tech talk, and tasty nostalgia — the perfect blend of humor and hot takes you’ve come to expect from Morning Crankers. Whether you’re into AI gone rogue, fried dough at a ballpark, or pirate gold in the sunshine state, there’s something for everyone in this laugh-filled, caffeine-fueled episode.

☕ Tune in, crank up, and laugh your way through another unpredictable ride with Morning Crankers.

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It’s October 10th, and the Morning Crankers crew is back to bite into the wildest headlines with a full cup of caffeine and zero filters. From the rising wave of animal attacks—including bear and shark encounters that’ll make you check your backyard twice—to funny correlations between women and modern science, this episode is packed with laughter, facts, and just the right amount of chaos.

We also sink our teeth into Monster, the Netflix show everyone’s buzzing about, unwrap some sweet intrigue around Dubai’s luxury chocolate obsession, and cool things off with the latest innovation in ice batteries—because even our energy tech is getting frosty. It’s part comedy, part current events, part “what did I just hear?”—and 100% Morning Crankers.

Join Hans as he serves up brain fuel, belly laughs, and bizarre facts you didn’t know you needed to start your day right.

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Start your day with a caffeine-fueled comedy ride in this episode of Morning Crankers: Pants, Politics & Paper Bags. Hans takes you through seven jaw-dropping, laugh-out-loud stories that prove the world has officially gone off the rails. From the Birmingham woman who forgot her PANTS and a Florida principal busted for a $37 Walmart heist, to a UK carjacker wielding a paper bag as his “weapon,” the stupidity is strong today.

Sports fans get their share too: Jerry Jones compares a tie to “kissing your sister,” Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl halftime show announcement sparks internet chaos, and golf melts down with Bryson DeChambeau punching himself while Rory McIlroy faces squeaky rubber ducks at the Ryder Cup. Add in a Florida duo caught with 200 pounds of stolen mail, and you’ve got a 40-minute rollercoaster of pure ridiculousness.

If you love morning radio chaos, dumb criminal stories, weird sports news, and caffeinated rants that mix comedy with WTF headlines, this episode is your new guilty pleasure. Grab your coffee, double-check you’re wearing pants, and let’s crank it.

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This week on Morning Crankers, we crank up the chaos and laughter with stories you couldn’t make up if you tried. From a woman who didn’t realize she was pregnant until she delivered a 7.8-pound baby (talk about a surprise gift bag) to the infamous Orgy Dome at Burning Man literally blowing away in the desert wind, the headlines are as unhinged as ever.

But that’s not all—we dive into the toxic traits of today’s dating scene, explore Florida’s bizarre new plan to unleash cyborg bunnies to hunt pythons, and react to the jaw-dropping discovery of 97 cars pulled out of a Chicago river investigation. Oh, and in Denmark, a zoo has the audacity to ask people to donate their family pets… as food. Yes, you read that right.

This episode is a full-on carnival of WTF moments, unfiltered commentary, and our signature comedic spin on the strange, the shocking, and the straight-up stupid. Grab your coffee (or something stronger)—you’ll need it.

#MorningCrankers #ComedyPodcast #WeirdNews #OrgyDome #BurningMan #FloridaMan #CyborgBunnies #ChicagoMystery #ZooGoneWild #SurpriseBaby #DatingToxicTraits #ComedyGold #WTFNews

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Buckle up for another chaotic ride with the Morning Crankers Comedy Podcast! Today’s episode dives headfirst into the bizarre and hilarious world we live in. From radioactive wasps to a deadly rattlesnake bite, the Crankers explore just how upside down things have gotten. We cover today’s wild National Days, the mysterious disappearance of Gred from the show, and unbelievable stories like meat-eating rabbits with horns roaming Colorado. We also dig into Hillary Clinton’s shocking comments about Trump and the Nobel Peace Prize, Willie Mays’ underwear hitting the auction block, and plenty of laugh-out-loud commentary in between. If you love comedy, weird news, and unapologetic rants about a world gone mad, this is your daily dose of unfiltered fun.

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Strap in for another wild ride with Morning Crankers, where coffee meets chaos and current events get the roast they deserve! In today’s episode, we kick things off with a tragic yet historic story—the first man to break the sound barrier in a skydive has died in a helicopter crash. We shift gears to celebrate TJ Watt's massive payday with the Pittsburgh Steelers, then hop across the pond where Denmark is renting its air defense (yes, really).

In entertainment news, we’re fired up about the return of King of the Hill—the propane empire lives on! Then it’s back to politics and policy: the U.S. is eyeing $9 billion in cuts from NPR and foreign aid budgets, and we break down what that could mean for your wallet and the world. And to top it off, we dive into a bizarre and chilling conviction in Australia’s infamous poisonous mushroom case.

Expect the unexpected—offbeat headlines, real talk, and sharp wit served hot and fast. That’s the Morning Crankers promise.

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On this unfiltered and chaotic July 10th edition of Morning Crankers, your favorite neon-fueled duo dives headfirst into the absurdity of today’s headlines with humor, sarcasm, and a healthy dose of skepticism.

🔥 First up—federal workers are sounding the alarm, admitting they’re “toast” amid rising public pressure, inefficiency scandals, and internal chaos. We break down what this bureaucratic breakdown really means for America.

🔫 Then—in a scene straight out of a Cold War thriller, China allegedly fires a laser at a German spy plane over international waters. Is this a warning shot or the beginning of something far more dangerous?

🦷 Plus—a Czech family pleads guilty to running an illegal dental clinic out of their living room. That’s right—root canals by grandma and braces by flashlight. What could possibly go wrong?

🎯 We also hit on:

• Government dysfunction at every level
• Strange global flexing by superpowers
• The return of rogue DIY medical schemes
• And our own wild takes on just how crazy the news cycle has gotten

Come laugh, rage, and shake your head with us as we crank through the day’s most outrageous stories.

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