Get ready to fan the flames of chaos with Love is a Dumpsterfire, the latest unhinged anthem from Morning Crankers! This original comedy song hilariously dives into the flaming wreckage of modern relationships—awkward dates, explosive texts, and emotional meltdowns included. It's raw, ridiculous, and weirdly relatable. If you’ve ever loved, lost, or simply watched someone else's relationship combust like a fast food bag on fire in a back alley, this track is for you. Set your earbuds ablaze and crank it loud!

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On today’s Morning Crankers, we unleash our brand-new comedic banger “Real Men Don’t Exfoliate: The Heist of Manhood”—a testosterone-fueled anthem for the gritty, the grimy, and the gloriously un-groomed. We break down April 24th’s National Days (spoiler: still no “National Bacon-Wrapped Chainsaw Day”), celebrate Missouri leading the charge in nuclear energy (BOOM, baby!), and explore groundbreaking feline science—do cats' buttholes actually touch the furniture when they sit? The answer may scar you. We also bid farewell to Dirty Dick Durbin, who’s finally retiring, and discuss the surprising parole board support for Jelly Roll’s pardon. From the return of the military draft to the discovery of a brand-new color called OLO (sounds like a rejected boy band), this episode is jam-packed with wild stories, hard laughs, and pure Crankers chaos. 👀Tune in for:

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Welcome to the Morning Crankers Comedy Podcast—where news meets nonsense and Hump Day hits harder than a chupacabra on your deck! In today’s wild ride: 🛸 We dig into a declassified CIA document on remote viewing—yes, the government actually tried Jedi mind tricks.
🇷🇺 Then it's off to Russia, where a KGB doc claims aliens turned soldiers into stone. Medusa? E.T.? We’ve got thoughts.
🦌 A deer wanders into a YMCA in Kentucky, probably just looking for yoga and a protein shake.
⚰️ A man is laid to rest in a giant Snickers bar coffin—because you're not you when you're dead.
👹 And an alleged chupacabra creature crashes a woman's porch party, leaving us with more questions than answers. PLUS, our Hump Day Melodies return with two original Crankers hits:
🎵 “Can I Hold You Again” (emotional or illegal? You decide.)
🎵 “Like My Youth and My Money” — an anthem for the broke and the beautiful. This episode is packed with cryptids, candy, Cold War weirdness, and catchy tunes that’ll haunt your shower singing.

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Buckle up and brace yourself for a wildly hilarious ride on Morning Crankers, where today’s show dives headfirst into the absurd, the scientific, and the downright retro-ridiculous. We kick things off by honoring the April 22nd National Days (some of them will blow your mind), then reel in a whopper of a story about invasive snakehead fish spotted in Missouri waters—yep, the ones that can breathe air and walk on land like creepy little swamp zombies. But wait—there’s more! We dig up a 1955 magazine article on how to be a “good wife”, and let’s just say… buckle up, feminists. It’s a time-traveling cringe-fest that’ll make your coffee spit out of your nose. Then we get weirdly scientific with a new discovery about human pee (yes, actual research went into this). With jokes flying faster than a snakehead fish in a foot race, this episode delivers your daily dose of laughter, confusion, and retro nonsense, all wrapped in Cranker-style chaos.

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Buckle up, buttercup, because this Morning Crankers Monday is a rollercoaster of ridiculousness and revelation! We’re serving up a full plate of chaos with the dumbest celebrity quotes ever uttered—from “is the moon part of the Earth?” to “I don’t believe in mirrors”—yes, these are real. Then, it’s time for a patriotism-powered twist as Toyota announces plans to manufacture the Rav4 in the USA (finally!). We brush up on the best electric toothbrushes—because your gums deserve greatness.
Plus, The Breakfast Club cast reunites, and it's giving detention nostalgia with a side of feels. And hang on tight for the shocking truth about how your credit score is quietly robbing you, and how millions are overpaying on interest and loans without even knowing it. It’s wild, it’s weird, it’s Morning Crankers at its finest.

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Strap in, folks—this episode of Morning Crankers is a wild one! We kick things off with the National Days of April 18th (because apparently, every day needs a holiday). Then it gets real strange, real fast: a 3-year-old claims he's been reincarnated, correctly identifies a village, his past home, his killer, the body location, AND the murder weapon. Someone get this kid a Netflix deal. We dive into the grossest beach cleanup story from New Jersey—spoiler alert: you’ll never look at the ocean the same way again. Then we explore the age-old mystery: Why do old people smell? Is it science? Is it mothballs? You’ll find out. Also on the slab: Tom Brady possibly joining WWE, a sperm race in Los Angeles that’s not what you think (or maybe it is), and a restaurant giving skinny people a discount—cue the body image debates and food fights. It’s bold, bizarre, and belly-laugh-inducing. The only morning show where reincarnation, pro wrestling, and sperm races somehow make sense together. Welcome to Morning Crankers.

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In this nostalgic and nutty episode of Morning Crankers, we crank it back to the golden days with our hilarious new segment “80s/90s Who Said That?” — can you guess which icon dropped the quote? From sitcoms to action flicks, it’s a blast from the past with a Cranker twist! Then we hit another level of stupid with some jaw-dropping headlines, including a Kentucky restaurant doing something so bizarre it might actually be genius. 💡🍽️ We also take a spin through politics as Kamala Harris announces plans to open her own policy institute. What could possibly go wrong? And in the world of sports, the UFC dishes out wild matchups and unexpected drama that only Dana White could dream up. 👊💥 You get retro trivia, wild stories, sharp laughs, and absolutely no filter—just how Crankers like it!

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On the April 16, 2025 episode of Morning Crankers, we’re back with another wild Hump Day Harmonies banger—this time it’s our brand new comedy song “Sent to China” roasting taxes, bureaucracy, and everything that mysteriously vanishes after we pay Uncle Sam. 💸🇨🇳 We also dig into today's National Days (spoiler: there's some weird ones), and we go full Cranker-mode on Tax Day frustrations that have the average American fuming. You’re not alone—anger is in the air and wallets are empty! 😡💵 Then we head to Mountain Grove, Missouri, where in a bold move, the ENTIRE city government resigned… except for one bold soul. A new mayor stepped in and may just turn the whole place around. It's small-town chaos with a twist of hope! This episode is loaded with laughs, rants, and real talk. Don’t miss it!

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Buckle up for another chaotic ride through comedy and curiosity with Morning Crankers! On this April 15th edition, we celebrate some of the weirdest National Days you’ve never heard of—because who doesn't want an excuse to eat weird snacks and blame it on the calendar? 😎📆 We’re talking about KFC-flavored toothpaste (yup, you read that right), a woman who proudly dyes her Easter eggs in the toilet, and a nasty new outbreak: ringworm from trying on clothes. We also dig into the surprising success of the Minecraft movie 🎬🧱, and we list the strangest unclaimed luggage items ever found—including the stuff that’ll make you question humanity. 🧳😳 Crank up your morning with laughs, WTF moments, and a side of finger-lickin' absurdity!

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It’s a cosmic comedy collision on this episode of Morning Crankers! 💥 We’re launching headfirst into absurdity—starting with NASA’s $3 million quest for a better way to squish space poop 🚀💩. Then we flip into Conspiracy Crackdown where we ask the BIG question: Is there life after death... or just overdue taxes? We talk about the tragic story of a former LSU wide receiver, the Menendez brothers’ courtroom twist, and a bizarre tale involving a Bulgarian football team that feels like it was written by a sleep-deprived AI. 😵‍💫⚽ And don’t miss our “Freedom Fitness” segment: a female jogger goes viral recommending open carry for safety on the trails—because cardio and caliber now go hand in hand. 💪🔫 Plus, we announce the new MorningCrankers.com—your one-stop shop for Crankers chaos, comedy, and merch! Strap in, laugh hard, and question everything!

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