Movies Merica

Are you sick of watching feel-good, heart-warming movies? I think I’ve got the cure with “The Substance.” Demi Moore plays an aging actress, not so unlike herself, named Elisabeth Sparkle who’s Oscar-winning movie career has plummeted. It’s plummeted so much, she’s the host of a Jane Fonda-type workout show. Now, because of her age, she’s even in danger of being fired from that. Also, she doesn’t get the looks from the men anymore that she used to. She’s just feeling extremely depressed about her own mortality and her perceived lack of worth. Enter in The Substance. She’s made aware of The Substance and how it can create a younger, more beautiful, “better” version of yourself. The rule is, the younger version of yourself gets seven days out in the world and then you get seven days. This must be respected. The balance must be respected or else. You are both the same person, not two separate people. As long as you follow the rules, the unspeakable won’t happen. Elisabeth’s younger self, named Sue, is “born” and quickly gets the adoration and career success that Elisabeth once had and it’s addictive. Can she, and Elisabeth follow the seemingly simple seven day rule? As you might’ve guessed, they probably don’t and this movie may, or may not, present the most disturbing and horrifying visuals you’ve ever seen. Is that part of a whole that makes this movie a must-see, or does it just make it a movie you should stay as far away as possible from? Watch this episode to find out! “The Substance” also stars Dennis Quaid in a hilariously, over-the-top performance as a misogynistic Hollywood studio head, maybe not coincidentally named Harvey. 

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You are not supposed to say the name “Beetlejuice” three times, otherwise he will appear. Someone must’ve said gone and said it because he’s back in theaters 36 years after we last saw him in 1988 in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.” Michael Keaton reprises yet another one of the characters that made him the star that he is along with Winona Ryder, as Lydia Deetz, and Catherine O’Hara, as Delia Deetz, from the original. Also, Tim Burton returns to direct this sequel to the movie that pretty much got him the “Batman” job. Burton does again feature the afterlife oddities and general weirdness but amplifies it for today’s audience. It all starts with Lydia seeing Beetlejuice visions and needing to reunite with her daughter, Astrid, played by Jenna Ortega. Events soon lead them to the house from the first movie and all that lie within, including the title character, who hasn’t forgotten Lydia. However, there’s a ghostly figure, named Delores played by Monica Bellucci, who hasn’t forgotten about Beetlejuice. She’s on the hunt for her man and woe to any that get in her way. Tim Burton also brings in some new characters like Rory, played by Justin Theroux and Wolf Jackson played by Willem Dafoe. Will it haunt you forever if you don’t go see this at the theater? Check out this episode to find out that very thing. “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” also stars Arthur Conti, Nick Kellington, Santiago Cabrera, Burn Gorman, Danny DeVito, Sami Slimane and Amy Nuttall. 

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When people make a list of iconic American presidents, the subject of this week’s movie is on most of them. Dennis Quaid plays our 40th American president, Ronald Reagan, in the long-coming movie “Reagan.” This movie doesn’t just tell the tale of the presidential years of Reagan. It spans his life from when he was a young boy up until his death. We see his humble beginnings in Iowa to him realizing he needs to stand up to bullies, including the Soviet Union. Even as far back as when he was simply known as an actor, he saw the Soviet Union attempting, and succeeding, to infiltrate many institutions in America, including Hollywood. He knew they were trying to turn America into another Soviet Union and he fought it. Later we see him meet the love of his life Nancy and it’s made apparent that she stands behind him in everything he does. Of course, the movie features the Reagan most people over a certain age know. The California governor and our president. Does this movie do this American icon justice? Check out this episode to find out. “Reagan” also stars Penelope Ann Miller, Mena Suvari, C. Thomas Howell, Amanda Righetti, Jon Voight, Justin Chatwin, Kevin Dillon, Kevin Sorbo, Xander Berkeley, Lesley-Anne Down and Robert Davi. 

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In the original movie “The Crow” in 1994, there’s a prominent refrain of “It can’t rain all the time.” of course meaning sometimes it rains and sometimes there’s sun. Is this new retelling of “The Crow” in 2024 going to bring us rain or sun? Is it going to disappoint or will it entertain? You’ll have to watch this episode to find out. The new “The Crow” stars Bill Skarsgard (It, Barbarian, John Wick 4) as Eric Draven and FKA twigs as his true love, Shelly. The movie is kicked off by a friend of Shelly’s letting her know that there is something she has that incriminates the big, bad guy in this, played by Danny Huston. As you’d expect, the bad guys know about this and kick off the chase element of this movie. Shelly, in the meantime, is sent to a massive drug rehab center/prison where she meets, and strikes up a relationship with Eric. In one way this turns out to be a bad turn of fate for Eric because he and Shelly are murdered because she knows about that incriminating evidence. Eric, however, isn’t sent to the afterlife, he is offered a chance to go back to the land of the living and put right what was made wrong. In other words, find the scumbags that killed him and Shelly and exact terrible revenge on them. This way he and Shelly can find peace. Also, he has a crow to play criminal Google Maps for him to help Eric find the right baddies. This “The Crow” remake also stars Josette Simon, Laura Birn, Sami Bouajila, Karel Dobry, Jordan Bolger, Sebastian Orozco, David Bowles, Trigga, Samba Goldin, Isabella Wei, Jordan Haj and Dukagjin Podrimaj. 

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In 1979, director Ridley Scott got caught up in the “Star Wars” hype and knew he needed to direct a space movie. That movie ended up being “Alien.” Now 45 years later, the Alien franchise is still alive and kicking with the new movie, “Alien: Romulus.” In this latest installment, we start out on a space mining planet with our main character, Rain, played by Cailee Spaeny. She’s trying to find a way off this hazardous planet, to a better planet, with her “brother” Andy who is really a synthetic her Dad programmed to protect her. She then is presented with a plan to get them off the planet by her friend Tyler, which is to fly up to another ship floating above the planet and use that to escape. All of them get up there, along with some others in the group, only to realize it’s not a ship. It’s a seemingly deserted massive scientific space station. They move forward with their plan to find some cryo-pods to use for them to cryo-sleep they’re way to the new planet but you know what they say about best laid plans. Little do they know that this space station isn’t deserted, it’s a graveyard. The reason it is, is still on board and this group unintentionally unleash it and its a nightmare from there. Soon Rain and the group are being chased down by alien face huggers looking to implant their alien seed. On top of that they have another synthetic trying to secure some corporate research from the space station and if humans have to die for it, so be it. The group aren’t allowed off the space station until this mission is complete, all the while, having to try not to get killed or impregnated by killer aliens before the space station crashes. Is it good enough to blast off out of your house to go see? Check out this episode to find out. “Alien: Romulus” also stars David Jonsson, Archie Renaux, Isabela Merced, Spike Fearn, Aileen Wu, Rosie Ede, Soma Simon, Bence Okeke, Viktor Orizu, Robert Bobroczkyi, Trevor Newlin, Annemarie Griggs, Ian Holm and Daniel Betts.  

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Some people go to the mountains for vacation, for a little rest and relaxation, not for a sinister and terrifying experience, like the one you see in “Cuckoo.” This movie from German director, Tilman Singer, is about a teenager, Gretchen, who ends up moving with her Dad, her stepmom and much younger half-sister to a mountain resort in the German Alps. There, they are greeted by Herr Konig, who runs the resort and for who Gretchen’s Dad and stepmom will help build a new resort. Gretchen gets serious “stranger, danger” vibes immediately from Herr Konig, played by Dan Stevens, with his creepy voice and suspicious ways of touching her. Gretchen, played by Hunter Schafer, is a fish out of water here and she also soon sees some undoubtedly strange things around the resort. She’s already the stereotypical angst-filled teenager, but soon she also finds herself chased by horrifying entities, and trying to help a cop figure out who’s responsible for several murders at the resort. All while, trying not to get killed and survive one more minute with her stepmom and half-sister, whom she despises. It’s a mountain of trouble in the German Alps and Gretchen just isn’t having a great week. Is it worth your 90 minutes to see why? Check out this episode to find out. “Cuckoo” also stars Jan Bluthardt, Marton Csokas, Jessica Henwick, Mila Lieu, Greta Fernandez, Proschat Madani, Astrid Berges-Frisbey, Konrad Singer, Kalin Morrow and Johannes Benecke. 

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It’s been awhile since we’ve seen Josh Hartnett star in a prominent movie, but after his prominent role in “Oppenheimer”, he’s back and starring in “Trap.” This is the latest movie from M. Night Shyamalan, the famous director of “The Sixth Sense”, “Unbreakable” and “Signs.” In “Trap”, Hartnett plays Cooper, a Dad who’s taking his daughter to a big concert for a mega-popular singer named Lady Raven. Once he gets into the concert, he notices a massive police and FBI presence. Cooper later finds out that the concert has been set as an elaborate trap to catch a serial killer called “The Butcher.” Now he’s really stressed, and if you watch the trailers or the movie, you’ll know why. Also, there’s a FBI profiler there to describe all the moves The Butcher will make to try to get out of the trap and what law enforcement should then do. All the while, Cooper has to be a good Dad and enjoy the concert with his daughter, who is excited to be there for Lady Raven. As the movie goes on, the trap gets tighter and tighter as law enforcement rules out more and more suspects and closes in. Will The Butcher be caught? How many will die in the process? Is it worth even seeing this movie to find out? Check out this episode to see if it is worth seeing. “Trap” also stars Ariel Donoghue, Saleka Shyamalan, Alison Pill, Hayley Mills, Jonathan Langdon, Mark Bacolcol, Marnie McPhail, Kid Cudi, Russ, Marcia Bennett, Vanessa Smythe, M. Night Shyamalan, Lochlan Miller, Steve Boyle, David D’Lancy Wilson, James Gomez and Nadine Hyatt. 

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The hero that loves to eat chimichangas while executing a perfect superhero landing is again knocking at your door! The merc with the mouth himself, Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, is back and he’s bringing a “friend.” You thought he was dead at the end of “Logan” but the Disney Marvel money was just too sweet and so Hugh Jackman as Wolverine comes back to join our indestructible hero in “Deadpool and Wolverine.” No such resurrection for Marvel will come from this movie alone but the prospect of getting these two all-time fav characters together is exciting. In this third Deadpool movie, our beloved Wham fan has gone limp in life and he’s looking for a way to matter again. He’s still got the love of all his friends but he there’s someone in his life that he wants back and he’s willing to do anything. Deadpool soon receives an offer to give him almost exactly what he wants but at a terrible price. Enter Wolverine into the movie when Deadpool learns he’s an important part of everything going on in this movie. They don’t exactly start out creating their own secret handshake and riding a tandem bicycle. Wolverine, who can count being super anti-social as one one of his superpowers, doesn’t want to split a PB&J sandwich with Deadpool, much less help him in his quest. Will Deadpool be able to win Wolverine over? How many Madonna songs will be in the soundtrack? Does Jonathan Majors make a cameo? Is it worth finding out? Check out this episode to maybe find out. “Deadpool and Wolverine” also stars Emma Corrin, Matthew Macfayden, Morena Baccarin, Rob Delaney, Leslie Uggams, Karan Soni, Brianna Hildebrand, Shioli Kutsuna, Stefan Kapicic and Randal Reeder. 

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In 1996, a summer blockbuster movie blew into theaters and knocked everybody off their feet. That movie was “Twister” and starred Helen Hunt and the late, great Bill Paxton. Now 28 years later, we get a long awaited follow-up to that tornado-terrific, earth-moving box office hit, called “Twisters.” Now instead of Bill Paxton, the rapidly rising star Glen Powell tries to fill his boots. He plays Tyler, who calls himself a tornado wrangler who likes to go viral and peddle his merch. One of his phrases, as he tries to entertain his fans, is “You don’t face your fears. You ride em’!” We also have Daisy Edgar-Jones as Kate, who was a storm chaser until tragedy struck, and so now she stays out of the field. Just so the plot can move forward, she’s coaxed back out into the wild, windy west to help some other storm chasers potentially save lives from a mass of tornadoes. All these characters bring their impressive and intricate modern day technology to this world of tornadoes, but no amount of tech will save you from the deadly, disastrously massive force of a tornado and the debris that it turns into lethal projectiles. Will Tyler take it too far in finding that rush? Can Kate do anything to give the people in the path of these fatal forces of nature a chance? Is it worth finding out? Check out this episode to find out! “Twisters” also stars Anthony Ramos, Brandon Perea, Maura Tierney, Harry Hadden-Paton, Sasha Lane, Daryl McCormack, Kiernan Shipka, Nik Dodani, David Corenswet, Tunde Adebimpe, Katy O’Brian, David Born, Paul Scheer, Laura Poe, Austin Bullock and Stephen Oyoung. 

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There have been some bizarre movie trilogies but the Ti West-directed “Pearl Trilogy” tries to take the bizarre trilogy crown. “Maxxxine” is the final movie in this bloody, murderous trilogy where all the movies feature two dynamic, driven, crazy ass women who will do anything for fame. One is Pearl and the other is Maxxxine. Mia Goth plays both parts in a provocatively intriguing way. We first saw Maxxxine in the first movie in this trilogy, “X.” Now in this third movie she’s in 80’s Hollywood trying to find that elusive fame that so many crave. She’ll do anything to get it, including some things you just couldn’t imagine. On top of that, there’s a serial killer running around Hollywood doing things you just couldn’t imagine. Maxxxine suddenly has something maybe chasing her while she chases fame. The body parts pile up even if the primo acting parts aren’t piling up for Maxxxine. Also Kevin Bacon co-stars as a private detective who threatens Maxxxine with her bloody past. Will she survive this and get the fame she’s looking for? Is it worth surviving traffic to get to the theater to find out? Check out this episode to find out! “Maxxxine” also stars Elizabeth Debicki, Giancarlo Esposito, Michelle Monaghan, Halsey, Charley Rowan McCain, Simon Prast, Deborah Geffner, Daniel Lench, Chloe Farnworth, Brad Swanick, Uli Latukefu, Susan Pingleton, Moses Sumney, Zachary Mooren, Ned Vaughn, Marcus LaVoi and Sophie Thatcher. 

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