Denise Marie Santiago is a columnist for the Democrat and Chronicle. Last Friday, she
featured Kevin Jennings, who is coming to speak Wednesday at the Strong Museum. The
occasion and subject of his talk will be, national “No Name-Calling Week,” which his
group began in 2004. It is joined by the local Community Task Force on Bullying
Prevention of Monroe County.
Strong Museum’s Susan Trien believes that the serious topic of bullying goes well with
their museum centered on play. She says, “Bullying and name-calling make for an
unhealthy environment not conducive to either play or learning.” Jennings points out that
a 2005 report found that 65 percent of students surveyed reported being harassed or
assaulted because of, “their perceived or actual appearance, gender, sexual orientation,
gender expression, race/ethnicity disability or religion.”
Bullying, like other negative behavior goes away when it is brought into the light of day.
A bully gets power because his or her actions are kept secret. When those acts are
exposed, the bully’s power is diminished and the right of all of us to live our lives in
peace is restored.
Don’t be afraid to talk about bullying or name calling. Stand up for others. Don’t take
part in acts of bullying yourself. If you get a chance, head to the Strong Museum this
Wednesday at 7 PM to hear Kevin Jennings share his ideas and the ideas of kids all
around the country that have faced the challenges of dealing with bullies.

It’s nice to have a three day week to start out the school year because the change in schedule from
summer takes some adjustment. By next weekend, you’ll probably feel like you’ve been back in school
forever.
Speaking of summer, I saw a movie this summer from a few years ago. It starred Jennifer Garner and it
was called, “13 Going On 30.” My son-in-law called it a “chick flick,” but its lessons are appropriate for
girls and boys. Here’s the gist of the movie: a 13 year old girl, through the help of magic wishing
powder, is given a glimpse of what her life will be like when she’s 30. Slowly, she realizes she has
become a not very nice person. She is selfish, dishonest and immoral. Things simply are not going to
work out the way she wants them to in her future.
It turns out that she started down the wrong path with a bad decision as a 13 year old. This being
Hollywood, she gets the chance to make it right in her real life and there is a happy ending. The point
I’m making is that if we took the time to think about where our choices would lead us in the future, we
would be a lot more careful in making them now. In the movie, the lead character valued the opinion of
the “cool girls” way too much. That gave her the false compass of popularity which lead her astray.
Take the time to see what is driving your choices and make sure you’re really choosing to be the person
you want to be now an in the future.

The planting of the flowering plum tree last week as a memorial to Brian Scipioni started
me thinking about what is really important to me. What do I value enough that I would
plant a tree to it? High on my list would be friendship.
Elbert Hubbard said, “A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.”
There is a Chinese proverb that says, “ A true friendship is like sound health, the value
of it is seldom known until lost.”
The power of friendship is enormous. If you are willing to trust another person with
your secrets and you are trustworthy enough to keep theirs, you are on your way to
establishing a life-long bond.
Abraham Lincoln recognized the value of friendship when he said, “Am I not
destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?
I believe the French philosopher Albert Camus said it wonderfully when he said, “Don't
walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk
beside me, and just be my friend.
Today, as you consider what you value enough to plant a tree to, consider valuing
yourself enough to be a really good friend.

Which do you think is more important, the talents you’re born with or what you choose to
do with them? How often do you think about your gifts, the things you do really well?
How often do you avoid taking on a task that is hard for you or that doesn’t fit well with
your natural gifts? These are all interesting questions that you should think about from
time to time.
Professor Dumbledore in Harry Potter, says that what matters in life is not your talents
but your choices. As you might expect, J. K. Rowling, the author of Harry Potter agrees,
“It is our choices…that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
General and former Secretary of State Colin Powell writes, “You can't make someone
else's choices. You shouldn't let someone else make yours.” Former Beatle George
Harrison said, “Everyone has choice when to and not to raise their voices: It's you who
decides.”
Returning to J. K. Rowling, she talks about our ability to make good decisions. She says,
“As much money and life as you could want--the two things most human beings would
choose above all. The trouble is that humans do have a knack for choosing precisely
those things that are worst for them.”
You are born with certain talents. They are your gifts. How you use those gifts are your
choices. I hope you’ll make the most of them.

This is Mid-term week at Churchville-Chili Junior High School. It’s a good time to take
a broader look at what facing challenges is all about. The tests this week will come and
go. You’ll either do well or you won’t, but you can be sure that you will have challenges
in your life for as long as you live. So, it’s worthwhile to think about how you face
challenges.
Geena Davis, the actress who plays the first woman President on ABC’s “Commander in
Chief,” talks about the challenges she has faced in her life. She has succeeded in some
and failed in others. On her list of successes is almost making the US Olympic archery
team while in her forties. She has also learned to ice skate, fence, ride horses, shoot
pistols, practice tae kwon do, train dogs and, for her current show, learn how to row to
give the President an interesting hobby. What’s the point? Geena Davis learned to do all
these things as an adult. As a teenager she felt awkward and uncoordinated. Now she
plays the President.
Mother Teresa said it concisely, “Life is a challenge, meet it." Norman Vincent
Peale advised, “In every difficult situation is potential value. Believe this, then
begin looking for it." Dale Carnegie agrees. He writes, “Most of the important
things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying
when there seemed to be no hope at all."
Tests are tests, and I hope you have prepared for them and do well, but a
positive, can-do attitude towards the challenges in your life will serve you well.
Who knows, maybe one you listening today, boy or girl, will take my words
seriously and grow up to be the real President.

Which do you think is more important, the talents you’re born with or what you choose to
do with them? How often do you think about your gifts, the things you do really well?
How often do you avoid taking on a task that is hard for you or that doesn’t fit well with
your natural gifts? These are all interesting questions that you should think about from
time to time.
Professor Dumbledore in Harry Potter, says that what matters in life is not your talents
but your choices. As you might expect, J. K. Rowling, the author of Harry Potter agrees,
“It is our choices…that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
General and former Secretary of State Colin Powell writes, “You can't make someone
else's choices. You shouldn't let someone else make yours.” Former Beatle George
Harrison said, “Everyone has choice when to and not to raise their voices: It's you who
decides.”
Returning to J. K. Rowling, she talks about our ability to make good decisions. She says,
“As much money and life as you could want--the two things most human beings would
choose above all. The trouble is that humans do have a knack for choosing precisely
those things that are worst for them.”
You are born with certain talents. They are your gifts. How you use those gifts are your
choices. I hope you’ll make the most of them.

Do you ever have trouble making decisions? Do you decide to do something one way
only to have a friend tell you it’s a dumb idea? Join the club of wafflers. In the political
world, being a waffler is considered a very bad thing. In the real world, waffling on a
decision is as common as syrup on pancakes or waffles.
John Lennon and the Beatles sang a song back in the sixties that captured the problem
perfectly. It’s called, “Strawberry Fields Forever,” and here is the lyric. “Always no
sometimes think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream.
I think I know I mean "Yes," but it's all wrong.
That is I think I disagree.”
Now that’s waffling.
How do you go about being decisive? First, realize that it’s okay to change your mind.
Another song from the sixties, a protest song against the Vietnam War, talks about being,
“Waist deep in the big muddy (a river), and the big fool says to push on.”
You have to be comfortable with your decisions and if that means changing your mind to
feel more comfortable, then go ahead and waffle. After all, waffling is just an
unflattering word for having common sense. Do what’s right for you, even if it’s not
what you thought it was ten minutes ago.

The discussion continues everywhere you look. Is it better to win or is it more important to play fair, win or lose? Since this question is being asked in school by me, a person who talks about making good choices, you might think this is an easy answer. But, I’m not so sure. If Churchville-Chili Middle School is a reflection of the country and the world, it’s anything but obvious.

If you’ve been following the presidential race, you’ve seen a lot of mud slinging, truth-stretching and outright lying. The question has to be asked, “Does the end justify the means? Is it okay to lie, cheat and steal because only by winning can the greater good be served?”

I had an experience when I was a senior in high school that has stick with me all my life and dramatizes exactly what I’m talking about. We were selling chocolate bars to raise money for new band uniforms. The person who sold the most candy bars won a cash prize. I got very excited about the project and went out door-to-door every available minute. The day we were to turn in our money, I proudly presented my cash, confident that I would win. It was not to be. Another student, whose father owned a grocery store, waited until I turned in my money and then sold just enough to his father to beat me. His father turned around and sold the chocolate at his store during the following weeks. I was shocked and angry and I couldn’t believe that winning would be so important to someone that they would compromise fair play so completely.

Teachers, if you have thirty seconds, ask your students who thinks playing fair is more important than winning and vice versa. We all need to decide, every day, what we believe in. Your decisions will dictate how you live your life and how easily you face yourself in the mirror.

One thing I especially like about middle school age is that we begin to learn how to be a friend. If we are doing it right, we learn to love, support and be there for our friends. Being a friend does not mean blindly following or supporting our friends through bad or self-destructive decisions. Being a friend does mean providing an emotional base that our friends can count on.

Mr. Rogers wrote a song for his TV program which was published in the book, “The World According to Mr. Rogers.” It’s called, “It’s You I Like.” Here’s how it goes:

It’s you I like,
It’s not the things you wear,
It’s not the way you do your hair,
But it’s you I like.

The way you are right now,
The way deep down inside you,
Not the things that hide you,
Not your toys, they’re just beside you.

But it’s you I like, every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.

I hope that you’ll remember
Even when you’re feeling blue
That it’s you I like,
It’s you yourself, it’s you,
It’s you…I…like!

I hope you’ll make an effort to become a good friend to someone. It will help him or her. It will help you, and it will help all of us at Churchville-Chili Middle School.

I saw an interesting movie over the weekend, It’s called “Akeelah and the Bee.” It follows the often used plot of incredible underdog coming out of a disadvantaged environment to compete in the national spelling bee. It uses a lot of tried and true plot mechanisms, but it is extremely well done and the hero, an 11 year old girl is sharp, down-to-earth and likable. One of the supporting cast, the principal of the middle school, is well known from his roles in “Revenge of the Nerds.”

The central theme of the movie, and why I bring it up, is that our biggest obstacle to success is not the fear of failure, but the fear of success. Put a different way, in order to succeed we have to be able to picture ourselves as successes. As Akeelah says it simply in the movie, “I need to get over me.”

I can certainly think of many times in my life when I couldn’t get out of my own way and it kept me from performing up to my potential. Every time I get a golf club in my hand, my brain becomes my worst enemy. Speaking of golf, Tiger Woods talks about the importance of visualizing every shot before he hits it. I sure wish I could do that.

Akeelah remembers the really tough words by memorizing them while she jumps rope. It puts a rhythm into her learning and takes the natural resistance out of her brain. As we approach finals, it’s a good time to think how you can best picture yourself as a success. If you get a chance to see the movie, “Akeelah and the Bee.” you may find yourself getting inspired. Picture yourself succeeding and you will.