Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! Jessica Fletcher is our pal. She's talking to us and hanging out at home in front of the fire. She's complaining about the electric company, like all our friends do. She's wearing fancy house shoes and a fancy nightgown, just like all our friends do. We're having a friends night, because we're friends. All while strangers solve a murder. 

We ask the important questions. He gave his aunt sex shoes? When even is a Transacom? Should they have replaced him with BJ or with the Bear? Is this a lavender marriage? Is that her widow brooch? Is she wearing trash bag slacks? Is she a shit writer? Today on Murder, She Recapped!

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! Leslie just wants to go to fashion school. And Leslie should go to fashion school. Leslie thinks dressing like a teacher from the old west, or perhaps a sailor in lederhosen isn't questionable. But what is questionable is whether she is a murderer or not. We don't know. But we do know she should go to fashion school.

We ask the important questions. Did you gasp? Is that a bike bell on a ceiling fan pull? Is Mona a pervert? Why is he getting his meat paws all over that necklace/bracelet (choker?!)? Why is Grady doing caricatures at the crime scene? Did she have her freckles removed in Paris? Counting tuba fours? Today on Murder, She Recapped!

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! Murder Takes the Bus takes a plane! And it's all Bert's fault. Pearl from Diff'rent Strokes always knew there was something odd about her dog, Bert. Don't let his little pink hair bows fool you. Bert is special, and Bert gets crazy ideas. Pearl could never trust Bert alone at some kennel while she was on vacation in London. He's just not that kind of a dog. Then one day Bert started talking nonsense about smuggling and knitting bags. Will Bert's scheme get Pearl and her husband locked up for good this time?

We ask the important questions. He's a dead? Who left the corpse next to the beverage cart? Who would consider 3 million dollars valuable? She's never done an auto pilot research? The and or thorities? Were her lips stolen by the pickpocket?  Today on Murder, She Recapped!

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! Jessica Fletcher has no children of her own. A young poet has no mother of his own. This sounds like a match made in heaven. You'd think they would compliment one another and solve each other's problems. But you would be wrong. In fact, when they get together a man ends up dead and headless, money is embezzled, and children are calling the corners in a secret barn room.

We ask the important questions. Is she wearing Belle's curtains? When are we? Does he have no interest in his own hobby? Was she, in fact, a teenage slut? Are there more horses than there are students? Was the note written in classic "no girlz allowed" font? Why does she open doors and immediately yell sentences at these children? Today on Murder, She Recapped!

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! When Jessica was a pretty young thing she was eager to try anything. She was brave. She was excited. She was even willing to try acting! She might not be good at it, but she was able to make up for it by painting one hell of a set. And she was able to paint that set so well that she caught the eye of a handsome young man named Frank. She was 30 years old.

We ask the important questions. Does her suit jacket have a vagazzled peplum? Did she meet Frank five years after she married him? New slur alert? How is she in a Whitesnake video and also a Carol Channing costume? Did she do the show high on asprins? Did Jessica McGill set design a Broadway show? Baby Boy not back? Today on Murder, She Recapped!

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! An older newsman tries to fight back against a biz that's focused on chasing youth. But this time it's TV and not newspapers. So it's different. 

We ask the important questions. Was that room sponge painted with a filthy mop? Perms and pads for Paula? Big bald comma ugly? Did they pack a hundred files on Jessica Fletcher? Is her hair a mini tornado? They did a research? Today on Murder, She Recapped!

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! Mrs. Lovett, and Miss Hannigan walk into a bar. Also, Magnum PI is there. And did I mention that it’s in Hawaii? What the hell is even going on?

We ask the important questions. Is there a break in the Magnum space time continuum? Did we finally get to see her eyeballin’ and pew pew’n? She’s not like a normal detective, she’s a cool detective? What’s he hunting and pecking on that turned off computer? Did they think she stole a gun, gift wrapped it, and gave it to some woman? Whatever happened to women in robes putting on jewelry? Why is his hairline a vertical triangle? Today on Murder, She Recapped!

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! Jessica McGill could not get enough of Frank Fletcher. She was so enamored with him that she followed him all the way to Boston that one summer after college. But the only job she could find was being a legman for ornery reporter, Haskell Drake. Jessica broke Haskell’s heart when she decided not to become a reporter full time and she went back to Cabot Cove. There, a schoolteacher job and her life with Frank were waiting. She could have been great! Now she gets a chance to make it up to Haskell and see if she still has the chops to make it in the news biz!

We ask the important questions. Comic Sans? Do we have to see his nipples? Did she eat a pack of cigarettes and skip acting class? What in the cocktail clown is she wearing? Is the bulldog a single mom who works two jobs? Is this a van of hot (TEMPERATURE) orphans? Is she Gossip, She Hounding? Today on Murder, She Recapped!

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! Jessica Fletcher feels like a girl in highschool again. David is back in town and the butterflies are back in her stomach. The boy who sailed away has returned! And not just any boy. The boy most likely to…to…something. She can't remember what, but she knows for sure that it was really really cool.

We ask the important questions. Did he buy his outfit at the yacht store? Is this entire conversation a bit? Should we do a podcast about Murder, She Wrote? Did he get his chest out to commit elder crime? He's a doctor and he calls it her "funny bone"? Who was "the man most likely to flee the scene when the going gets tough" when you graduated highschool? ANYWAY? Today on Murder, She Recapped!

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! Turkey is practical. Ham, forgettable. But corned beef, corned beef is different. Corned beef is a commitment. It's the sandwich for a man who asks forgiveness and not permission. In other words, a king. And a king doesn't eat at a deli. He eats in a castle. Corned Beef Castle. Rule your lunch. (Mad Men theme plays in background)

We ask the important questions. Is she a 1992 Dracula? Did she steal those teeth from a horse? Isn’t it nice to see Jessica eat street food again? Did she get sexy saxophones for doing thievery? Why does murder make them so horny? Not my corned beef, not my carnage? Today on Murder, She Recapped!