This week on the show we tackle the topic of receiving and the difficulty of receiving. Why is it so difficult to receive? Why is receiving so important? How can we become better at receiving? Subscribe in iTunes Beard – receiving gifts has always been difficult thing – polite thing is to decline – we […]

This week on the show we tackle the topic of Honor, looking at: What is honor?, How did we learn to honor others?, What does honor look like today?, and How learning to honor authorities in your life will transform your life. Join us!

 

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Jack Frost – From Slavery to Sonship

-       honoring boss

-       honoring those in authority

Culture of Honor – By Danny Silk

-       great on setting up a group

Honor Your Father and Mother

- Deuteronomy 5:16 and Ephesians 6.

Ephesians 6

1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”a

4Fathers,b do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

What is Honor

-       people often associate this with do what your parents tell you

-       as you grow up you realize how wise your parents are

-       you just do what I tell you and don’t ask any questions

-       who are the people in my life who have always been there for me and have been through many things and have some things to share

 

-       honoring your spouse

-       honoring her opinion

-       honoring as manners, or chivalry – opening the door for another, giving up your seat for someone else, standing when someone walks to your table

-       honoring all people

 Honor as Being Aware of Other People

- phrase in Africa – “I see you.” (You matter, you are there. I know you. I see you.)

Honoring as Respecting ALL People

-       regardless of stature or position

-       showing respect to people

-       that people deserve respect

-       NOT demanding respect and forcing it from others

Why Do We Honor Others?

-       we are all created in the image of God

-       God loves all

-       We love Him and want to honor Him by loving others

-       The honor comes not because they have proven their value themselves, but God has given them value, being made in the image of God

No Need for Contracts with Honor

-       a contract is only as good as the man behind it

-       a person’s word carries so much weight, depending on the character or honor of the person

-       When communities were much smaller, a person’s word meant so much more

-       Warren Buffett quote - “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.”

Honoring Your Leaders

-       story of the prodigal son – Luke 15

-       Jack Frost – being raised up in the business by his boss, but wanting to go leave for what he wanted NOW. He still couldn’t get on his leader’s mission.

-       Whose mission are you on?

-       Leader to team member – I don’t care about your mission until I know you care about mine.

Irenaeus – Church Father

-       Adam and Eve were created as children

-       Part of their longing for the tree of knowledge of good and evil

-       Wanting to grow up. Their sin is similar to our desire as children to grow up fast.

-       God’s initial design for humans to grow more and more into the image of God as we mature.

-       Like rushing a flower to blossom. You can’t do it.

What We Learn By Being On Father’s Mission

-       humility, trust, discernment, wisdom, maturing, dropping selfishness

-       realizing and trusting that what our leaders have in mind for us is good for us

Practical Steps:

1)   Who is in charge?

2)   What are they trying to accomplish?

3)   How can I help that?

Whose Mission Are You On?

-       are you following God, are you following your boss, are you following yourself and what you want to do?

-       I want what I want and I want it now. – Language of a prodigal

Recommendations:

-       By Matt – Jack Frost – From Slavery to Sonship

-       By Beard Roberta C. Bondi – To Love as God Loves

This week on the show we catch up from last season with new updates on our lives.  In short, we have both gotten married since last season.  So, fittingly, we begin the season with recommendations of how to budget your time :-).

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Rhythms of the Year

- knowing your rhythms and planning for and around them

- plan your rest

- day, week, month, season, year

Our Podcast on Introversion

Inc Magazine - Managing - I need to know first what I want, in order to manage others

Knows what fuels you

- what fills your tank

- what do you need regularly

The Power of a Positive No

- discovering what your yes is and what that requires to be done well makes it much easier to say no to things

- then the answer is not no, it is yes to the priority you have set

Maker Versus Manager Schedule

- am I managing things or making things?

- managing requires small check-ins - usually hour meetings

- making requires uninterrupted half day chunks of time

- where can you do this

Recommendations:

From Matt: The Power of a Positive No

From Beard: Milton Brasher Cunningham – Keeping the Feast

This Must be the Place

Conflict sucks, but there are healthy ways out of conflict.  We all have to deal with conflict, but what if we had healthy tools to defuse conflict and reconnect with those around us?  Intrigued, join us to learn more healthy tools to deal with conflict.

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Dealing with Conflict, Part II

- conflict abounds through groups of people

- conflict is not negative or positive, but how you deal with it is, we get to choose

- issue is not whether there is conflict, it is how you deal with it

- conflict left not dealt with is more like apples, than wine - it gets worse with time – conflict not dealt with still brings troubles

- better to establish a means for dealing with conflict before conflict is present, and practice – include keeping short accounts, rhythms for check-ins

- Scriptures and tools for dealing with conflict in loving, Godly ways - Matthew 5, Matthew 18

Recap from Last Week’s Episode

Avoiding conflict

 - Beard’s natural way of being

- Joey doesn’t share food

- Why do we avoid conflict?

- More difficult in a group setting

- The problem is still there even if we don’t deal with it

- Leaving it alone doesn’t help the problem, it actually sours much more

- Problems don’t just go away in groups without addressing them

- Oftentimes searching for a mutual understanding

- Conflict is not negatives, but not dealing with it makes it negative

Why We Avoid Conflict

 - happiest when everyone is happy

- play the role of peacemaker. Want everyone to get along

- when people are in conflict with me I feel horrible – feel bad about hurting others

- try to be conscious and conscientious of others and their feelings

Reading Old Patterns and Habits into New Relationships

 - don’t pour new wine into old wineskins

- want to read and know people well enough to not have to step on their toes and make them frustrated

- important to share what you need and how you feel

- people don’t always see things the same

- give others the benefit of the doubt and ask them what they meant by those things

Establish A Means for Dealing with Conflict

 - put this in place before you are in the middle of conflict

- I will trust you until you prove yourself untrustworthy, then I will never trust you again

- What God models for us and calls us to – I will trust you and I know you wont keep your part and I will forgive you ahead of time

- Are we trying to follow God and His ways or maintain our own safety?

- How many times should I forgive – seventy times seven

We Are Called to Forgive

 - God has forgiven us as a gift

- He invites us to forgive ourselves and others

- Forgiveness as a necessary part of abundant life

- Start with going to God, confessing and receiving His love, grace and forgiveness –1 John – He is faithful and just to forgive

Rhythm for Dealing with Conflict Regularly

 - important to own our part, even if a small part, go and repent for that

- do this on a regular basis to keep relationships healthy, reconciled and connected

- very easy to ask who you have a grudge against – who you need to forgive, and who you may have offended and need to apologize to

How to Bring Up Conflict

 - establish a regular process for feedback

- practice, practice, practice – we talkin about practice

Matthew 18

 - recommended for use with take the plank out of your own eye before you take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye

- this can be used when you have been hurt by the other person. Do it with love and humility and not accusing them

- Matt 18 also applies to our responsibility to restore a brother gently

- Our responsibility to the actions of our brothers and sisters

Healthy to Communicate AHEAD of Time

 - helps so much to set expectations

- let people know ahead of time how you feel and what you need and what you expect

- this will help you to communicate and respond and manage expectations BEFOREHAND

- this helps to understand and meet important needs and wants

With all the drama, misunderstandings and different views and opinions, crabby emotions, and personal egos and agendas, the potential for conflict is off the charts! This week on the Beardcast we examine some healthy tools for dealing with conflict. Join us!

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Jim Gaffigan on joking about getting into heaven, doing show at the pearly gates

Dealing With Conflict

- conflict abounds through groups of people

- conflict is not negative or positive, but how you deal with it is, we get to choose

- issue is not whether there is conflict, it is how you deal with it

Helpful Tools For Dealing with Conflict

- nonviolent communication

- time out

- “I” statements not “you”

- Your level of comfort with conflict – very helpful to understand in a group

John 17 – pray that they are one, as you and I are one

Rodney King – “why can’t we all just get along”

Our relationships are never as perfect as the Trinity, but that is the model and what to strive for.

What level of conflict are we willing to engage in and address?

- this is important for the individual and as an entire group

- helpful to be self aware and aware of the group

- being considerate of the other person’s approaches to conflict is helpful in dealing with this.

Non Violent Communication

Step 1 – I feel statement

Step 2 – when these things happen (Active listening)

Step 3 – I want to feel

Step 4 – by you doing this Then the other person responds Huge step to know, own and express how you are feeling. Active listening is crucial in creating common understanding. This is POWERFUL!

Step Brothers – “did we just become best friends”

Resources for Nonviolent Communication:

- Center for Nonviolent Communication

- Description of process

- sometimes not enough just to model the behavior, but to break it down and explain how to do it

- modeling it as well as you can in all situations

- very helpful to have an emotional thermometer in you and tell how you’re feeling, and turn into this communication, instead of just blowing off steam

- many times we go in seeking to say what we want to say, instead of hearing what the other person has to say

- key – make sure you understand what the other person is saying. Even if you don’t get on the same page, you still have a better understanding of where they are and what they believe.

- Remember – you can’t carry the weight for both people. Keep you controlled and that is your job.

- So important to practice this tool. Surprising how difficult it is to use for the first time when you’re angry.

- First time people experience this, they are pissed, because they feel as though you have treated them like a child.

ANOTHER TOOL – Time out

- prevents you from boiling over

- counselors suggest agreeing to be able to invoke this at anytime and the person who invokes it comes back at a specified time and begins the 4 step process. This way both people get a break, both people know when you will come back, and both people know who will begin the next conversation. This creates a safe space and predictability for reconnection, which creates trust and security.

- Can be called for by you or the other person

ANOTHER TOOL – Advocate for the other side

- in order to advocate for someone you have to learn their side well

- good tool for getting people to listen to each other Conflict takes a lot of work and practice. The better you know each other the better you are at communicating these things.

Next Episode – Scripture on conflict, conflict in a system

Recommendations:

Beard – “resurrecting” passing the peace in their worship services. Not just chit chat.

Matt – using the nonviolent 4 step communication tool. Builds trust that leads to healthy openness and vulnerability in relationship. Very helpful and healthy!

This week on the Beardcast we look at our call to be faithful, even when we don't see fruit in our ministries...and we rename the podcast the Beardcast!

 

Called to be faithful, even despite fruit?

- what are we called to?

- ministry doesn't often look like "success"

- called to be faithful even without the outcomes we seek

- Jeremiah - called to deliver a message the people would not heed, but still called to deliver it

 

Manifest Destiny

If you are faithful and follow God and work hard you should be protected, happy and healthy and safe, secure and well provided for.

Prosperity Gospel

 

When we begin to read the Scriptures, Jesus brings us a much different message.

-       because of Me you will face trials of many kinds

-       people will persecute you, reject you, and hate you because of Me

 

Jeremiah – God may call us to deliver a message that people will reject

 

Are we being faithful to the fruit or the Father?

Are we responding in faithfulness to the call, or the specific fruit we want?

Asking the question to Go after the fruit dissipates – God is this where I’m called?

 

Ideas of a career.

-       ascending a ladder and success in the world’s terms

-       being faithful to the call of God in our lives

 

Reconcile or cope with seasons when you don’t see fruit in your ministry.

 

Frustration

Then look at if this is actually where I’m called

-       prayer, Scripture, giftings, confirmation/encouragement from mentors/community

Will I be obedient even if it will not yield fruit?

 

Ask God, what would you have me do?

 

Rethinking how we view success

Psalm1 – yield fruit in and out of season

Fruit of the Spirit, not just the things of this world – recognition, wealth, security, recognition

 

Paul – I have considered all things loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord

 

You will have houses you didn’t build, harvest field you didn’t plant

 

How do we know we are called?

Staying in that connection with God – what are you calling me to today?

Not getting so far from God in our work, but abiding in Him.

(Like in the Garden, distracted by the serpent).

 

For later – language of receiving

-       receiving gifts has always been difficult thing

-       polite thing is to decline

Recommendations

Beard

-       read through the book of Mark in once sitting (about 2-2.5hrs)

Matt

-       take some time to slow down and ask God where He is in the midst of our lives

This week we welcome to the show Hannah Terry! Hannah is a good friend of ours from our school days at Duke. She is a strong, hilarious, faithful servant leader who will wow you. Join us!

 

Quotes from Hannah

“Life is an adventure…with the HS and with people…food, prayer and hospitality.”

“This is weird, this has got to be God.”

“The pesky Holy Spirit”

"Being a pastor is so weird. It's a bizarre profession"

“I did what you do, when you don’t know what to do – you bring brownies.

Well, I know how to eat, to sit on the couch and laugh.”

 

Stand up comedian – Brian Reagan

 

Pastor of a new community.

Pastor to members of Westbury UMC in Houston, Tx.

Transitional neighborhood. Refugees and immigrants, living among local residents.

Transforming congregation.

Walls to overcome – language, socio economic status

Friend, Neighbor and pastor

 

The love of learning someone’s language.

 

What is bringing you joy in your life right now?

-       watching friendships unfold

 

we belong to each other

-       Isaiah 58 – the fast that God chooses

Food converts

-       the power of Tex-Mex

Mark 1:15 – the Kingdom of God is near

-       where is God at work in our community?

 

Call to Incarnational ministry in the neighborhood

John Perkins

Shane Claiborne

What does it mean to be Christian community?

What is intentional Christian community?

Dr. Rev. Elaine Heath on intentional community

 

Invitation from Westbury to Hannah – “Come be with us and help us discern what God is calling us to.” Beautiful.

 

I did what you do, when you don’t know what to do – you bring brownies.

Well, I know how to eat, to sit on the couch and laugh. – could this be a picture of the Kingdom?!

We sat there together and broke bread.

 

Person of peace

She introduces Hannah as pastor and friend.

Read Bonhoeffer’s Life Together

 

Intentional Community

-       moved into area to encounter God in particular place

-       be accountable to spiritual disciplines

-       successful = bears fruit of the spirit – evidence that God is doing something

-       written rule of life that connects them

-       5 fold Rule of Life: prayers, presence, gifts, service and witness

-       witness of God’s grace in my life

 

Food as an entry point to relationships/community

Laughter sounds the same in any language

Eugene Peterson – John 1:14 – the Word became flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood.

Tabernacle

 

We are not Christ moving into the neighborhood. We are moving in meeting Christ who is already there.

Mutuality of incarnational ministry that I really love.

Henri Nouwen – The Wounded Healer

 

Moved in March of 2013

Use prayer book for the time – Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals

By Shane Claiborne, Johnathan Wilson Hargrove, Enuma Okoro book

Jonathan Wilson Hargrove

 

Table as entry point and the time it takes for practices to shape us

Acts 2 – living together, they had everything in common.

 

Academy for missional wisdom – 2 yr group

Video featuring Hannah’s community FAM

 

Recommendations:

Beard

- Mile IQ from last week – do NOT recommend

– Bonhoeffer’s Life Together – “slender but thick”

Hannah – Tex-Mex –

- if you grew up Methodist or in other mainline denomination and want to see something new that is in the system, but still new – Longing for Spring – Elaine Heath – what could it look like in the Wesleyan way in the Methodist denomination to have these intentional communities

- Missional. Monastic. Mainline. By Elaine Heath

- game on phone – 1010!

- Elevate app – exercising your brain

 

Matt – Patrick Lencioni – The Advantage

-       Praying the Psalms – Walter Brueggemann

This week on the podcast Beard and I discuss our New Year's Resolutions for 2015.  Yes, we are two weeks into 2015, but we are choosing to be positive.  In this episode we share the goals we will fail at this year (hopefully not), and talk about some things we can do to help live into those New Year's Resolutions.  Join us!

 

Notes from the Podcast:

Finish sermon on my day off – Beard starting the year of working on his day off after preaching on rest – Ouch! But, alas, there is grace.

Helpful civic reminder - Get your car inspected

 

Matt – 2 Days with Rob Bell

-       fascinating conference, Rob has a very interesting and powerful story as he has brought the Truth of God and His Word to hundreds of thousands who wont go to church or hear the message otherwise

-       Rob is an amazing communicator. If you need examples of this see his Nooma videos online. Spending a few days with Rob is a great way to pick up tools and approaches to communicating more effectively, which is very important to my job.

-       The one concern I had for the weekend was that Rob could have included the people in the discussion more. He gathered subject matter experts from a wide array of fields and he spoke the majority of the time. I wonder if the experience could be richer by including those other voices a little more.

-       That being said, kudos to Rob for stepping out and creating this and moving forward.

-       A relaxing few days in a beautiful place focusing on uplifting Truths of Scripture.  Bueno!

 

Parker Palmer books

The Other Guys - Lock You Up in the Federal Reserve!

Use SMART goals to set goals and help track them.

 

Beard’s new years resolutions for 2015

-       Goals: 1) regular reading, 2) regular work-out

-       What are some ways to know you have been faithful in these goals? We want them to be specific enough that we can know if you have achieved/completed them.

-       making it a priority

-       Specific goals:

o   2-3 nights a week of reading, 1 hour at work

o   4 days of exercising

 

Matt’s goals for 2015:

1)   Get married

-       jim gaffigan on marriage/weddings

2)   Wok/life balance

-       if you think you don’t have enough time, you don’t have a time problem, you have a priority problem - (I think this is a Tim Ferris quote, see below)

Work/life balance

our jobs don’t have easy boundaries to them - ministry of interruptions

need to track my time spent on work, especially downtime at home

make sure I am taking time for other things - fun, family, friends, hobbies, working out, etc.

may try and track my hours spent on work and what I’m doing to get an idea of generally where I am spending my time

this is also helpful for allocation of resources - time one of your most limited resources

does this allocation fit with your goals/values

probably need to list out my priorities/values

 

Podcast Forecast:

- next week on the show – our good friend Hannah Terry!!!

- Hannah is doing some fascinating ministry work in Houston and we are excited to have her on the show!

 

Recommendations:

-       Matt: Tim Ferris Blog - www.fourhourworkweek.com

-       Beard: Mile IQ – Smartphone App – tracks where you go, including mileage for work

In this episode, Beard and I begin 2015 with a catch up and review of the holidays.  We focus on the busyness of the holidays, especially for clergy, as we work through the holidays.  We provide suggestions for managing work and family and look ahead with a podcast forecast for 2015.  Join us!

Podcast Notes – Back from Christmas

-       baby Jesus line from Talladega Nights - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A0-u85aAYg

-       Big news from the holidays: baby Jesus born and…BEARD engaged !!!!!!! Congrats to them.

-       Tommy Boy – what’d she say? (after proposal)

 

-       busyness of Christmas for most

-       become a pastor and discover that the holidays are even busier for pastors

-       Sunday, then Christmas Eve services, then Sunday services again.

-       Sermon preparation, hospital visits during the holidays

-       Rhythm of having 6 days btw sermons, that throws you off

 

-       Call me elf one more time – from elf the movie - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ_dL_IMPP4

 

-       difficult to travel for pastors over Christmas

-       helpful tips for pastors for the holidays:

o   work ahead – plan sermons ahead of time leading up to the holidays

o   learn to say no – draw healthy boundaries in your life. You can’t do it all on the work side, or the family side. Learn to draw healthy boundaries

o   be aware of what you need – take down time and time for fun

o   over the holidays only work on holiday work, the other work can wait

 

-       podcast forecast – HA!

o   next time – New Year’s resolutions

o   hopefully have a friend in ministry on the show

o   being faithful to the call even when not producing spiritual fruit, not getting the outcomes you want

 

-       recommendations

o   Matt - Seinfeld – Comedians in cars getting coffee.com – hilarious webcast where Seinfeld goes and picks up friends, hangs out with them and talks about being comedians. http://comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com

o   Beard - working preacher.com podcast – workingpreacher.org is a helpful resource for preachers. This podcast is a weekly podcast on the lectionary text (lectionary is a rhythm of going through the Scriptures on the liturgical calendar). - https://www.workingpreacher.org/narrative_podcast.aspx

On the show this week we reminisce of our recent BBQ pilgrimage to Luling, TX, share the joys and concerns of being introverts and look at practical wisdom and resources for how to deal with this in a healthy way, especially in roles of pastoral minist...