Mormonism is about to become entwined with Masonry. Joseph Smith now can say he's Joseph Smith Sr since his dad has passed away, which is kinda sneaky, but works. April 6 is Jesus's birthday, God loves Hyrum Smith, and the Nauvoo House is decreed to be built. Obviously, it doesn't go as planned. Don't worry everyone, it'll all end up okay because heaven exists and if you die, that's where you go.

The Morgan Affair 

Patron Bonus Episode: Yet another religious figure gets handsy

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Joseph and his BFFs escape/bribe the guards to get out of jail and run off to a malaria-ridden swamp in Illinois. He heads to D.C. to take the saint's grievances to Pres. Van Buren, saving the passengers of a runaway coach along the way. Van Buren doesn't help them, so they start the trek back to Illinois.

John C. Bennett enters the timeline by becoming Joseph's unofficial second in command. He's a politician/lobbyest whose sway is critical in the creation of the city of Nauvoo. That Nauvoo charter grants Joseph some broad powers that will come in quite handy in the future (but we're not there yet). It's the episode where free will doesn't exist!!!

Drink count - 3

Patron Bonus: Frakkin' Bad Movie Ep 3 - Lorezno's Songbook

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Email Marie at [email protected]

Joseph and his BFFs escape/bribe the guards to get out of jail and run off to a malaria-ridden swamp in Illinois. He heads to D.C. to take the saint's grievances to Pres. Van Buren, saving the passengers of a runaway coach along the way. Van Buren doesn't help them, so they start the trek back to Illinois.

Patron Bonus: Bryce will be in SLC on March 30, 2018!

Joseph instructs his followers to gather evidence of how bad bad bad the Missourians were to the saints, such that eventually he can take those grievances to the president.

Polygamy is happening, just on the sly. Wife #3, Lucinda Harris has entered the timeline (probably).

Drink count - 0

Patron Bonus: Rob Porter is a BAD Mormon

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Brigham Young is leading the exodus of the Mormons from Missouri to Illinois while Joseph twiddles his thumbs in jail. Joseph feels his power slipping away and pens an epistle to his followers.

God is either loving or wrathful, the priesthood authority comes from that love/wrath, so priesthood authority is always love. Wait, what?

Drink count - 8

Patron Bonus: Amanda sleuthed at the ward house, and a missionary update!

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TRIGGER WARNING: Historical violence

In the aftermath of the Battle of Crooked River things continue to escalate. The saints living in Haun's Mill are massacred, and eventually Joseph and his BFFs are arrested. Brigham Young is now going to run the church while Joseph and the other important church leaders are sitting in jail.

Mormon Extermination Order 

Drink count - 2 beers

Patron Bonus: Marie ponders the dead and the survivors

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Episode 193: The Mormon War, Part 1

Joseph and the leadership of the church (minus Brigham Young) are in the Liberty Jail after they lost the Mormon War of 1838. How did they get there? Behold (drink!), part 1 of Bryce educating us all on the terrible decisions made by basically everyone in the fall of 1838.

Patron Bonus Episode: Marie and Bryce their adventures about Seattle

The Mormon War in Missouri, by Stephen C LeSueur

Drink count - whatever you want it to be

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MBoM has a motto now!!!

"Taken out of context it means nothing, which means it means anything you want it to."

All three witnesses to the golden plates have been excommunicated! Thomas Marsh needs to stay in Missouri and work, all the other leaders in the church need to go out and get more followers. Don't worry, God will provide for their families, just GFTO, leadership. In spring, go to Europe!!!

Tithing is giving all your excess to the church as an initial outlay, then give 10% for the rest of your life. Yes, that's really what Joseph means to say.

Drink count - 7

Patron Bonus - All about Uchtdorf (presidential politics)

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Please sign Sam Young's petition to stop bishop interviews of underage children about sexually explicit topics by following this link to ProtectLDSChildren.org.

Pres. Monson's obituary in the NY Times 

Spring Hill is renamed to Adam-ondi-Ahman!!! This is where Christ will return. Then Joseph organizes a group of enforcers and creepily tests some of his followers to make sure they toe the party line.

Drink count - 4

Patron Bonus Episode: Marie is hopping mad at her local bishop.

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Podcastriarchal Blessing: Jacob C.

Podcastriarchal music is Our Happy Life, by Maps and Transit, edited for length

Joseph and his BFFs fled Ohio in January 1838, excommunicated the Kirtland Mormons, then reestablished their church in Far West, Missouri. Oliver Cowdery and David Whitmer are tossed out, chaos everywhere! Time for a few revelations that will definitely get Joseph out of this mess. Spoiler, not what happened.

113: Fluff of no substance, kinda based in Isaiah. Zion's choker necklace is somehow related to a curse that scattered the church from Zion? Something something bands around her neck something something.

114: Dear Dave, give me all your assets and tell people how cool I am. Sincerely, Joe

115: God decrees they build a temple in Far West, Missouri. Spoiler, not what happened.

Drink count - 10

Patron Bonus - Bryce tells us about his FLDS tour in Short Creek

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