I recorded this the day after my first ayahuasca ceremony because I wanted to get it down before the details started disappearing.

This is not advice, a recommendation, or me pretending to be some psychedelic guru. It is a personal story about walking into something I was genuinely scared of, trying to let go of control, and having one of the most overwhelming experiences of my life.

I talk through the fear before the ceremony, the room, the mats, the guides, the idea of “the medicine,” the possibility of purging, the moment it started, the visuals, the music, the feeling of being completely inside my own mind, and the flood of gratitude, forgiveness, and love that came later.

The experience was intense, beautiful, terrifying, confusing, and impossible to fully explain. At different points, it felt like Rainbow Road, Willy Wonka’s tunnel, the control room from Inside Out, and a thousand voices asking questions inside my head.

Then it softened.

I started thinking about my kids, my family, my friends, people I work with, people I had been angry with, people who had helped me, and people I needed to forgive. By the end, I was grateful for the experience and also very grateful to come back to regular life.

Reality felt good.

In this episode:
• My first ayahuasca ceremony
• Fear before taking psychedelics
• Setting an intention
• Drinking “the medicine”
• Purging, crying, and release
• Trying not to control the experience
• Visuals, colors, and overwhelming thoughts
• Music during the ceremony
• Gratitude, forgiveness, and family
• The fear of not coming back
• Feeling connected to everything
• Coming back to normal life
• Why the experience stayed with me

All production by Cody Maxwell.

Artwork by Cody Maxwell.

Opening graphic assets by sonorafilms.

Contains video posted on Instagram by:

@visualspirits

@minelauvart

@r_is_ris

Opening music recorded and manipulated by Cody Maxwell.

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