The definition of outrage is “an extremely strong reaction of anger, shock, or indignation.”

It’s also apparently what everybody feels … every minute they spend on their phones.  We’re outraged over this … outraged over that.

Here’s the latest outrage…

  ------ 99999——  Hey Siri… Where are the terrorists….

You ask Siri “where are the terrorists… and it responds with directions to the local police department.   My first reaction was “some idiot at Apple who slipped that into the code is gonna get fired.”

But apparently everybody else is busy being outraged.  I counted at least 50 headlines with the word outrage.   But what outrage.  Were people unable to sleep.  Were they catatonic with extreme symptoms of shock?   Did they march on apple headquarters.  Do we hear primal screams rising up from homes everywhere.

Nah.  People hit the tweet button to say… I’m outraged.  TWEET.  Then they go watch netflix.  And that’s what passes for outrage these days. 

Spare yours.   Apple quickly fixed the idiot’s work... and apologized.  

-----xxxxx----

Don’t know if anybody got fired.  But if they’re still employed. 

I’m outraged… and tweet.  

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Moments after we announced the death of RBG on Friday night… Boyd Matheson came on the air and suggested the proper way to honor her memory… would be to emulate her close friendship with Justice Antonin Scalia.  A hard core conservative.  Boyd said to commemorate her passing... “have a polite conversation with someone you disagree with.

A beatuiful sentiment.  But a few minutes after that… Mitch McConnell talked about a replacement and it was off to the races.

o:  a thirteen now

Republicans are salivating at the empty seat on the court.  Democrats are warning of the price to pay… and it’s getting uglier by the minute.  Fund raising was off the charts this weekend… as an IPSOS poll revealed 62 percent of Americans believe this seat is for the next President to handle.  Half of all Republicans say leave it for the winner.

But half say full speed ahead… and the torpedoes could include the next President packing the court with liberals…. which infuriated democrats threaten they *might* do.

They’re playing chicken in Washington…  but really it’s like a vicious cockfight.   one side will win.. but there’s gonna be blood everywhere…. and that as a backdrop.  I remind you to have a polite conversation with someone you disagree with. 

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You’ve heard of cancel culture …yes?

You say or do something considered offensive… and youre shunned on social media… and in the real world as if you don’t exist.  Snap judgement go viral on social media… and that’s it.  You’re cancelled.

But yesterday… Cancel Culture folded in on itself like a star turns into a black hole.

This is the Columbia University Marching Band.  Let me correct myself … they don’t march.  They kind a run around on the field and hang out at the 50 yard line. 

Ivy League School in New York City.   So you have 50 or so musicians slouching while powering their way through  songs like…  I think this is Livin on a Prayer.  so hip and ironic…  they are… that yesterday… the Columbia University Band canceled itself..

The band’s members admitted to a long history of sexual misconduct, assault, theft, racism and injury to the Columbia University Community.  They voted to disbanded… their own marching band. … sorry.  They don’t march.  They cancelled themselves.

Among the offenses the cite.  Using a native american war cry at a football game.  Binge Drinking.  Sexual Harrassment at band parties.   So yesterday… the music died.

First of all… no great loss. I mean… listen.

Second… while New York is taking the band’s action very serious my suspicion is… it’s a prank.   The Ivy League football season is cancelled.  The band has no place to march.   Or not march.  So why not cancel ourselves and get some attention.

They got me talking about what might be the worst sounding marching band in America.  Right …. they don’t march.

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Does anybody root for Goliath?  Nah… we’re all team david… unless the story involves a pesky, persistent housefly.

Goliath in this case… is a rumpled old man in Franch.   If it helps you visualize the scene… he’s 80 years old.  Annnd let’s say he’s wearing a beret.  

The BBC reports he lives peacefully in the little village of Parcoo Shenoe.  

You have a picture in your mind?  Good.

All this man wanted was to eat dinner in peace.  But no… the  pesky housefly was… persistant.  So the frustrated fedlerly french ellow tried to swat the miniature menace…. as it buzzed  around his baguette…    swat

missed.  It flew into his fromage.  swat

It crashed into his coq a vin.  Swat.

This fly refused to say au revoir.

So who are you rooting for?  David?  Or grizzled old Goliath.  Hmm?

So this elderly French fellow  man who survived the German occupation for goodness sakes… decided to pull out the heavy munitions over the weekend.   An electronic fly swatter.  Ever see one of these things?  It’s like a little tennis racket… but with an electronic charge.  Touch it you get a mild shock.  Touch a fly… and he’s grounded for good.  Instantly.   $25 for one of these things.

So Grizzled ole French Goliath hits the on off button … it sparks… but there’s a gas leak in the house… and kaboom.

Blows the roof off the house.  Destroyed his kitchen.  The poor guy burned his hand .…but he’s alive. And hungry.  He never got to eat the dinner.  His dinner.  His table.  His kitchen.  His house is gone

And the fly ?… he’s fine.  He flew away to search for his next creme brulee.

I’m guessing that you were rooting for Goliath.

But David… wins again.

Buzzzz

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So the pilot’s getting ready to land in Los Angeles… he’s about to line-up the runway  looks to his left… and sees this guy in midair… standing up straight… nothing beneath him.

——

I love how the control tower is so cooll.  If the pilot had said….

——

The guy in the tower woulda said….

——roger.

But There was no teradactyl … but  two different commercial pilots did see this guy with the jetpack.

So what’s the deal?  Can you buy a jetpack?

First of all… this strap-on jetpack isn’t a jet.  Technically it’s a rocket… and the fuel is usually high concentration hydrogen peroxide.  You can not buy it in the drug store.   In fact … nobody makes it anymore.  You have to make it yourself… what could go wrong.

Nothing yet.  Nobody’s ever been killed flying a jetpack.  But There’s one company on earth that has a working model   Jetpack Aviation of California claims their product can fly you to 15-thousand feet in altitutde. 

Before you imagine a world where you commute to work by jetpack… hold on.  The  backpack only has 10 minutes worth of fuel.  So you can’t get that high or that far.   It takes three weeks of lessons to fly the thing… it’d cost you $150,0000 but it doesn’t matter.  They don’t sell it.  To anyone.

They’re figuring the guy up there Sunday… playing catch me if you can…. probably built the jetpack in his garage and he’s a nut.  Going for a spin   in the middle of the flight path…. at the busiest airport in the west.

As that pilot put it… Only in LA.

And as I put it.  What could go wrong?  

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Have you heard about this new version of Microsoft Flight Simulator?   The gaming world is going insane over the jaw-dropping realism.   It just unbelievable.   If you’re not familiar.  If you’re not familiar… in Microsoft Flight Simulator. You’re a pilot.  You fly a plane.  That’s it.

But even pilots admit the realism is jaw dropping.  If you started the game right now… you could fly out of salt lake city… the weather would be exactly like it is outside right now… you could buzz your own house in a 747… or a little Cessna.

But big deal.

If you truly  want a realistic flying experience… I suggest you wait for a new app called Airplane Mode that comes out this fall for PC and Mac

In this realistic game… you’re a passenger on a six hour flight from New York to Reykjavik, Iceland.   The goal is to survive rude passengers… lousy wifi… while you sit  through six long hours… playing online crossword puzzles… watching the clouds drift past …. or the safety video over and over …  it even simulates crying babies…. and the agony of a landing delay.   The goal is to go the distance.  Keeping playing six hours til you land in Rejavick.

The publisher of Airplane mode… says other flight simulators give you high-definition cockpits with billions of switches and dials… but airplane mode gives you a realistically rendered seatback tray table…. and all the real world annoyances that come with air travel.

The only good thing about this game?  When you play on your home computer….  You don’t have to wear a mask.

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The other day we learned KFC is dropping the slogan you’ve been hearing your entire life.  The one you know by heart.

 - Reba -

Reba McIntire’s turn as the Colonel.  Finger Lickin doesn’t sound sound so magnificent in the middle of a pandemic… after all .. you’re supposed to avoid touching your hands to your face.  So the Colonel… whoever he is… won’t say it. 

In case of spectacularly bad timing… KFC debuted a choreographed commercial of nothing but people licking their fingers… set to classical music.  They didn’t even have to say a word in the spot.

The unforgettable tagline has been around for 64 years.  Here’s the real Colonel.  Harlan Sanders… back in 1969.

You know the real colonel.. wasn’t a Colonel.   He was a gas station attendant… an insurance salesman… and a guy figured out how to make good chicken in a pressure fryer.   His first Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant was on South State Street in Murray.   It’s still there… the dining room’s closed because of Covid.   Drive thru’s open though.

63

      Back when he only had a roadside stand in Kentucky ...The Governor gave him the Honorary Title of Colonel …because of his contributions to the state’s cuisine.  Colonel Sanders never served in the military

And now younger folk ask if the Colonel was a real person… and wonder if he’s still alive. .  Yes he’s real.  No he’s not alive. he died in 1980.  A man who rose up from nothing.  He lived hand to mouth.  Then life got finger lickin good… but he sold the entire chain for chicken feed.  He got 2-million bucks.   These days KFC is worth a bucket full of money.  8-and-a-half-5 billion.  Whether you lick your fingers… or not.

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You hear all the headlines about frantic research for a covid vaccine.  Have you said to yourself…. I gotta get in on that action.  Make a little folding money as a guinea pig.

Well… here’s how it works… if you want to be a part of a covid vaccine trial.

They’re looking for participants right now in 10 different cities.  The closest are Vegas… and San Diego.  You answer some questions…as they look for healthy people of all ages… both sexes.  All nationalities.  They’ll probably give you a checkup… and if you pass muster… you get a shot.  The vaccine.

Might work.  Might not.  Might cause side effects.  Might not.  If fact… you might feel pretty punk… for about 24-48 hours after you get the shot..

The vaccines don’t have any coronavirus in them… so it won’t give you covid.

You write down any symptoms or side affects and three weeks later… you go back  for a booster shot. 

 After that… you let them know about any symptoms or side effects.  Every 3 months you go back to get blood drawn.  You’re not supposed to try and get covid.  No licking people in quarantine.

Oh … the money.   Think you’re gonna get rich?  Nah.  You get about 50-bucks per doctor visit.  By the time you’re done with the 2 year trial… you might get a thousand bucks.

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Joe Biden knew who he wanted all along.  There were concerns about Kamala Harris within the Biden Campaign.  That younger… left-leaning Democrats might reject her… because she was a prosecutor. 

One of Biden’s most trusted allies… Senator Christopher Dodd… reportedly said that Harris is too ambitious… and might throw the boss under the bus to burnish her own chances for 2024.

Women in the campaign went ballistic.  Complaining that men are applauded for being ambitious… but women have to play by a different set of rules.

But Biden …who met with 11 women for the job… knew who he wanted all along.

The one the Trump campaign didn’t want.  Yesterday he said…  Axios is reporting… they were hungering for Communist Karen bass… or Spyin Susan Rice.  Figures easily branded with Trump nicknames that would stick.  The President is trying out Phoney Kamala Harris.  He’s already called her nasty.  He’ll make his case over the next 82 days.

And 56 days from now… the Vice Presidential candidates will be here in Salt Lake …at the U..  for a socially distant de

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Even if baseball bores you… I’m sure you’ve checked out a game or two just to see what it’s like… and you noticed the cardboard cutouts in the stands.

The price tag to have your likeness leering at the pitcher from the front row varies from ballpark to ballpark.  A cutout at Dodgers Stadium costs 300-dollars.  Phillies Fans fork over a mere $25 to be seen on TV.

Some lifelong fans honor loved ones… by putting a cardboard cutout of dear old dad behind the plate … long past HIS 9th inning. and there he’ll  sit… never sipping a drink… never shelling a peanut… his expression frozen fthrough 54 outs   

You’re listening to fake crowd noise pumped through the loudspeakers at a Mets game.  You can decide if it’s authentic.

NBA games in the bubble … that’s a whole ‘nother story.   You’ve seen the video walls filled with live fans gazing upon the game from home.   Reacting in real time?   There are 320 virtual seats per game.  To get on that wall.. you gotta be a season ticket holder for one of the teams on the court… and you have to sign a 3-page waiver….promising youl’ll avoid profanity.

You login to the NBA’s content command center… and you see a zoom window of all your fellow fans attending the game…. and the game itself.

If you look closely… sometimes celebrities are up on that wall.  Rapper Lil Wayne showed up from his couch for a Lakers Game.  Shaq was in the virtual stands for  Bucks versus Heat.  Players Wives and kids get virtual tickets.

When you watch a game… fake crowd noise is piped in… it’s pretty good.

That is the NBA2k video game.  You thought it was real.   That’s the point.

And this is real.

So a Jazz game has actual Utah fans in those video stands.  So next time you watch the Jazz take a close look at the wall.  There might be somebody you know up there!

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