“Hurry up and get yourself ready for church!”

“We’re going to be late again because of you! Pastor Mac doesn’t like when we’re late!”

My parents both screamed like we were somewhere being chased by tigers. What was so urgent or important about church anyway? I mean I understood that it was important to some people but there was something seriously wrong with “our” church. I put on my dress and ran down the stairs without bothering to comb my hair.

“You look like a wet cat!” my mom continued screaming.

“God loves the animals. Leave me alone. Let’s just go already.”

Later we pulled up to our megachurch with its golden doors and diamond chandeliers.

“We will start today’s service with the offering! Remember that you will get one hundred times the amount you receive, so give generously! The Lord loves a cheerful giver!”

Now where was I. Thankfully, I didn’t have to go through that torture for much longer because Pastor Mac was involved in a huge scandal and my parents decided that we shouldn’t go to that church anymore.

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