Part 1
I've suffered from overdosing from pain killers while being in high school, I've attempted suicide a lot,
but never had the guts to do it. Hearing about Christian putting a bullet in his head felt like,
it shot me in the heart. I've had nightmares about this exact situation and it feels like de ja vu.
I keep telling myself that Christian is in a better place. I wish I could pull Christian back to life,
and tell him "it's gonna be okay".
Part 2
It's been hard coping with this. I go every day thinking about Christian and I ask "where's Christian", or "where's my brother".
I go to bed at late nights cause I'm afraid to confront Christian. It's I get to reach the afterlife for a couple of hours.
I then start to wish I could stay there with Christian; I wish I could just end my life here and stay with Christian.
I then start thinking "my life is pointless here". I started thinking would if I dropped everything and just gave up. I just wish Christian never would have
done that. Cause it messed me up. I try making music, I try to make meaningful shit, but right now I can't do anything. So if you ask me "are you okay",
the answer is "I'll be okay." I'll always be okay.
[Chorus]
My life is my life,
If I want to die,
Then you can't stop that,
I just wanna be happy,
I don't' wanna be in pain,
I don't wanna go insane.