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Needs: How To Fulfil Them Ourselves vs Expecting Others To
We all have needs but many of them are unconscious, stemming from childhood, and we play them out through our ‘reactive’ behaviour in relationship.
Needs are just a feeling that we require in a particular moment and situation. Unmet needs are a feeling we needed that we didn’t receive (most especially in childhood). The need could be for safety, validation, love, assurance, connection, truth worthiness…and so on. But when our needs are unconscious and we haven’t learnt yet how to give ourselves those needs, we expect others to fulfil them for us. We’re still playing out the child looking to its parent to fulfil the emotional need that wasn’t met in a moment of fear, confusion, aloneness. A moment when we didn’t feel loveable enough, significant enough or competent enough. When we needed presence and instead we were met with what might have felt like a vacancy and being left alone with an overwhelming experience.
Getting to know our deeper needs is a ‘peeling back the layers of the onion’ kind of process. We can start with our unconscious behaviour which normally shows up as reactivity. Then we go deeper and notice what is the emotion, the feeling, where are they coming from, what are they trying to express to us and what is the emotional need at the core.
This process is about building a conversation and creating a language with ourselves—our emotions, fears, triggers, beliefs, wounding etc. Once we have the language, we learn how to give ourselves what we need which almost always will be a feeling.
It’s a complex topic with so many layers but we can begin with small steps. Getting to know ourselves along the way, inviting our inner child to grow into the adult we are today, that is capable of meeting our own needs and learning how to communicate them with our partner; ultimately creating healthy, mature, secure relationships.
Tune in for more…
Loving you from afar,
Corinne
www.corinneblum.com
Facebook: @corinneblum @corinneblumcoach
Instagram @corinneblum @theauthenticselfcoach
Want to work 1-1 with me? Visit my site and book your first session.
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By Corinne BlumWe all have needs but many of them are unconscious, stemming from childhood, and we play them out through our ‘reactive’ behaviour in relationship.
Needs are just a feeling that we require in a particular moment and situation. Unmet needs are a feeling we needed that we didn’t receive (most especially in childhood). The need could be for safety, validation, love, assurance, connection, truth worthiness…and so on. But when our needs are unconscious and we haven’t learnt yet how to give ourselves those needs, we expect others to fulfil them for us. We’re still playing out the child looking to its parent to fulfil the emotional need that wasn’t met in a moment of fear, confusion, aloneness. A moment when we didn’t feel loveable enough, significant enough or competent enough. When we needed presence and instead we were met with what might have felt like a vacancy and being left alone with an overwhelming experience.
Getting to know our deeper needs is a ‘peeling back the layers of the onion’ kind of process. We can start with our unconscious behaviour which normally shows up as reactivity. Then we go deeper and notice what is the emotion, the feeling, where are they coming from, what are they trying to express to us and what is the emotional need at the core.
This process is about building a conversation and creating a language with ourselves—our emotions, fears, triggers, beliefs, wounding etc. Once we have the language, we learn how to give ourselves what we need which almost always will be a feeling.
It’s a complex topic with so many layers but we can begin with small steps. Getting to know ourselves along the way, inviting our inner child to grow into the adult we are today, that is capable of meeting our own needs and learning how to communicate them with our partner; ultimately creating healthy, mature, secure relationships.
Tune in for more…
Loving you from afar,
Corinne
www.corinneblum.com
Facebook: @corinneblum @corinneblumcoach
Instagram @corinneblum @theauthenticselfcoach
Want to work 1-1 with me? Visit my site and book your first session.