Never Knew I Wanted to be a Breast Cancer Survivor

Statistics only matter for the unknown future, not the known present.

I'm scared. I've gone through many scares over the last 8 and a half years. That is how long it has been since the last of the known cancer was removed from my body. That is how long I've been in remission.

I have a mantra for when I'm scared - In the absence of a diagnosis, I am healthy.

Except this scare is different. This scar involved suspicious lymph nodes and an ultrasound guided biopsy. 

Should I set up something that just keeps going while I’m away? 

And what do I just let go? 

When I first heard that I had cancer, I had friends that I reach out to. These friends put me in touch with other friends – all helping to form a network of support. In times of crisis, we discover the true power of being part of networked communities.

Time is my biggest challenge right now. Things are moving so very quickly as I manage many different appointments, phone calls, blog posts, notifications, and minutiae.

As Scott and I walk around Sausalito, I find myself looking at other women’s breasts. I never really noticed other women’s breasts before, but now I am drawn to them and keep looking. 

I’m not even sure what I’m thinking when I’m looking. I laugh, then swallow tears. Prosthetics or not, I am window shopping. 

Who am I now? 

Who do I want to be?

While I await the biopsy and other test results, I find myself uncertain and wondering – what should I be hoping for? If you are going to have breast cancer, the next question is, what kind of breast cancer? 

And then I feel it — a hard spot on my left pec.

It must be a muscle strain… only it doesn’t hurt, which is odd.

Each day after my shower, I check again. 

Still there.

On June 9, 2014, I walk into my doctor’s office saying, “It’s probably nothing, but…”

Hi, I'm Rebecca Hogue, I'm the author of the BC Becky blog and the book Never Knew I wanted to be a breast cancer survivor and this is my new podcast, which shares the name with my blog and book - because "I never knew I wanted to be a breast cancer survivor, but the alternative doesn't look so grand". 

“Never Knew I Wanted to Be a Breast Cancer Survivor”,  is a candid, story‑driven podcast where I share my experience of navigating a life‑changing diagnosis while searching for who I was, who I was becoming, and who am I today. 

Three weeks after moving to California in 2014—and with no family history or warning signs—I found myself thrown into the American healthcare system as a Canadian, a PhD student with a project going no where, as I wrestled with my identity. This show is where I unpack those moments: the fear, the absurdity, the learning curves, and the unexpected clarity that comes from being pushed far beyond what you think you can handle.

In 2023 I was diagnosed with regional recurrence of breast cancer, this time while living in a small town in Nova Scotia Canada. My experiences could not be more different from my initial diagnosis, and yet, I felt like I was in the right place at the right time. 

As I tell my story, I share how I actively developed my own health literacy—and invite listeners to grow theirs. Each episode explores not just what happened, but what I learned about the medical system, patient advocacy, and making sense of the waterfall of information I was receiving. Whether you’re a patient, a caregiver, or simply someone who loves real life stories, this podcast offers insight, honesty, and sometimes humour in the absurdity that is breast cancer treatment and its aftermath.