When change is rooted in self-rejection, it becomes a form of punishment rather than growth. Growth that starts in shame rarely lasts. (And Why Shame Is a Terrible Life Coach) Let’s start with a hard truth:Most people don’t fail at change because they lack discipline. They fail because they try to build a better life on top of self-rejection. And self-rejection is not a strong foundation. It’s quicksand…Every January, the same ritual plays out. We declare war on parts of ourselves.