Next Of Kin Podcast

If I had a dollar for every time I wished I had more will power, I’d be a Jenner-Kardashian. I start strong, but lob any curveball in my direction and I’m reaching for whatever I committed to abstain from as fast as you can say ‘pass the muffin’. If only I had more will power, I think. I’m so weak. If this sounds familiar, leading habit-change expert Dr Gina Cleo says that’s you, me and everyone we know.

“I feel like as a society we’ve been disillusioned with this idea, almost this paradigm, that will power is the answer. And if we’ve fallen off the wagon, we just need more will power, more self control - making us the problem.” Dr Gina Cleo

If will power isn’t the answer as we’ve been led to believe, instead, Cleo says it’s habits that hold the key to our future freedom. She says we should instead think of will power as a bank account, and life’s demands are debits aplenty.

“Things like making decisions, feeling hungry, not having a very good sleep, feeling any sort of negative emotion, being time poor or stuck between a deadline and other responsibilities, self regulation, all these things deplete your willpower,” Cleo tells me.

“Now, you've only got so many credits in your account before it runs out. It's not an infinite resource. Which is why when you start a goal, initially you feel motivated and pumped and you've got all this energy and then eventually we tend to fall off the wagon. So we start something else like a new diet or a new fitness plan when really we're just repeating the cycle of starting, dropping off the wagon, starting, dropping off the wagon with a new strategy.

“Habits on the other hand don't need willpower. I always say to people, no matter how tired or stressed or hungry you are, you will always put your seatbelt on in the car. You will always tie your shoelace the same way. You'll always brush your teeth. These things happen because they're habits. They're automatic. They don't need energy or cognitive resources. That's like the juiciest part of, you know, building a life by design rather than just living by default.”

In this quick learning Cleo spells out just how we top the account up, plus exactly how to break those bad habits, featuring a little smart strategy and a pinch of kitchen cupboard magic.

Got bad habits you’re trying to break? Reply to this or drop your goals in the comments so Dr Cleo and I can cheer you on. And if you want to pretend we’re all gas-bagging in a café together, get in the fold and watch us on YouTube here:

If you love this moment, check out our full chat here and the rest of the Next Of Kin episodes here. Want to follow us? Not in the street, that would be weird, but on Instagram? You can follow Gina here and me right here.

Next Of Kin is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Get full access to Headlines To Live By at headlinestoliveby.substack.com/subscribe

I can only imagine how excited the producers of X Factor were when Samantha Jade came across their desk back in 2012. She’s a reality TV producer’s dream:

✔️ Supremely talented✔️ Camera-friendly (read: gorgeous)✔️ Heartwarming backstory with requisite ‘highs and lows’ storyline ✔️ So sweet it’d be easy to think you could push her around

What I suspect they didn’t see coming was just how much grit and perseverance was packed into the little girl with the big voice. If you look at her body of work, one thing stands out: she is nothing if not a fighter. And boy, has she had to fight for her art.

Plucked from Perth obscurity and signed with a big US music label at the tender age of 16, Sammi battled hard to ‘make it’ over on the biggest of stages before returning to Aus and entering - then winning - X Factor. Since then, you’ll often see and hear her throughout Aussie media, sitting on the couch of the Today show or our biggest radio stations when she has a single or important cause to promote, and singing her heart out every year on things like Carols in the Domain. But she’s probably not the global superstar her fans (myself included) believe she could and should be, and I wanted to know if that pi$$es her off.

I think you sometimes give attention to the people who don’t [follow], too much attention to them, and it shouldn’t be about those people - it should be about the people who are in your corner. Like, why am I always caring about people who don’t care and trying to win over the people who don’t necessarily like you - that’s fine, they don’t need to, not everyone needs to - focus on the people who do.

In this deep and at times emotional chat, we go deep on who’s in Samantha’s corner both personally and professionally and what it’s like living without her biggest champion - her beautiful Mum Jacquie.

Here’s the cheat sheet:

* [02:00] How are you, really? Samantha answers the question she says we don’t ask genuinely enough.

* [04:20] Samantha talks Love.Sick Vol.2, her latest musical offering all about l.o.v.e.

* [05:45] ‘I didn’t get paid for a show until I was 26'!’ Samantha peels the curtain back on the shiny, glossy music industry.

* [10:25] What I wanted to ask was ‘does the fact you’re not yet on Taylor-or-at-least-Kylie-level make you a tiny bit furious?’… but I was heaps/a bit more tactful

* [16:45] ‘I think we’ve stepped into a new era.’ Celebrating women in midlife and the incredible bodies of work we create.

* [19:10] Samantha talks about losing her biggest champion, her beautiful Mum Jacquie. ‘You don’t meet people like that very often. She would find what your special superpower was and then she would completely build you up.’

* [21:20] ‘I realised no one else was meant for that box.’ Who do you turn to when you lose your most important person?

* [29:55] ‘She went in with a cold and never came out.’ Sammi takes us back to her Mum’s diagnosis. ‘That’s the day my life changed.’

* [38:45] ‘Sadness is not the worst feeling, helplessness is.’ The wild world of prognoses and loving someone who is dying.

* [41.40] The silver lining of a terminal diagnosis: time to say goodbye. How Sammi’s Mum ‘came back’ to make sure her kids knew how much she loved them.

* [44.00] ‘You learn to let things roll off.’ How the context of Sammi’s worst experience gives context to the other hard days.

I often joke about Sammi that god was in a really good mood on the day he (she/they) made her. Watch our chat on YouTube here:

Lastly, a reminder that Australia’s Griefline - free and confidential counselling and support to people experiencing grief and loss across Australia, inclusive of remote, regional, rural and metropolitan regions - is there for you on 1300 845 745 or here 24/7.

Connect with us:

⚡️ Follow Samantha on IG here: www.instagram.com/samanthajade/

⚡️ Listen to Love.Sick Vol.2 here:

⚡️ Follow Casey on Instagram: www.instagram.com/caseyberos/

⚡️ Find out more about Casey’s work: www.caseyberos.com

⚡️ Want more of Casey’s words? There are limited copies of The ‘Bad’ Girl’s Guide To Better out in the wild as well as Amazon and Audible, or hit this link for a signed copy sent straight to your door

⚡️ Missed an episode? Catch up here!

🎧 EP 1: CHANGE YOUR LIFE ONE HABIT AT A TIME with DR GINA CLEO🎧 EP 2: WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT TRAUMA with NIKKI HEYDER

🎧 EP 3: HEALTH ADVICE TO SAVE YOUR LIFE with DR MICHELA SORENSEN

🎧 EP 4: THE POWER OF PERSPECTIVE with MICHAEL CROSSLAND

🎧 EP 5: LIFE AFTER LOSS with AMY MOLLOY

🎧 EP 6: BUILDING A LIFE BEYOND BOOZE with SARAH RUSBATCH

🎧 EP 7: BIOHACK YOUR WAY TO BETTER HEALTH with NICK ENGERER

🎧 EP 8: THE SECRET LIFE OF MONEY with MOLLY BENJAMIN

🎧 EP 9: FEELING LOST? THIS IS FOR YOU with DR TIM SHARP

Get full access to Headlines To Live By at headlinestoliveby.substack.com/subscribe

I’ve spent much of my career interviewing experts. Doctors, dietitians, psychologists - I’ve picked hundreds of big brains on almost any topic you can think of when it comes to living a happy, healthy life. Great experts have a couple of things in common that make any journo’s job easy. First, they know their stuff. Not at a shallow, Instagram level, but deeply - spending much of their time absorbing themselves in the latest research. Second, they’ve taught themselves to communicate that knowledge in ways lay people can not just understand, but in ways that light us up, make us feel something or make us want to take some sort of action.

Dr Tim Sharp is one such (great) expert. In fact, he might be up there with the greatest I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing. I’ve gone ‘on the record’ with Tim a number of times over the years, but this interview was different. He was more open, more vulnerable and in some ways I suspect more himself than the ‘Dr Happy’ the public has come to love and trust via Tim’s extensive work in the media. In this interview, and his new book Lost & Found, he shares what it’s like to lose yourself and find yourself again - literally, figuratively and mentally.

I grew up feeling not worthy, not good enough, not intelligent enough. And my strategy to beat that was to achieve. So, I'll go and get a university degree. Oh, that's not enough. I'll get a Master's degree. Oh, that's not enough. I'll get a PhD. Oh, that's not enough.  I'll write a book. That's not enough. I'll write seven books. It doesn't work. And this is a common, common mistake we make trying to fill up a hole with achievements where the hole’s not from lack of achievement.

Dr Tim Sharp

Before you tuck into this one, a couple of warnings for you. The first is a trigger warning, we discuss mental ill-health and suicidality or risk of suicide. I also need to drop a language warning here, we’re adults discussing adulty things and occasionally we get passionate on the language front. So why should you invest your precious time in this chat? Don’t take it from me, here’s a sneak peek…

And here’s the cheat sheet:

* [03:30] The power of midlife and how Tim feels about aging, personally and professionally.

* [05:45] “I didn’t even expect to be alive at this stage of my life.” - Tim lifts the lid on suicidality.

* [08:50] From a clinical psych’s perspective, what should we be focusing on in midlife for a long, happy, healthy future?

* [11:00] Do I stay or do I go? What kept Tim alive in his darkest moments and why we still have work to do when it comes to stigma around suicide and self harm.

* [13:10] What if my children inherit my depression or anxiety? How fear almost stopped Tim from becoming a parent.

* [14:45] “I’ve thought about harming myself, is that suicidality?” Tim breaks down the difference between strange/intrusive thoughts, passive and active suicidality.

* [19:05] Pack away the cotton wool, how overprotecting kids causes more harm than good, and distraction and avoidance in the short term = problems long term.

* [24:45] Learning to tolerate, embrace and even seek out failure because it sits alongside (and mixed in with) success.

* [30:57] A dance between grace and gumption. Tim unpacks self compassion and reminds us that simple doesn’t mean easy.

* [34:30] Three degrees and seven books later, Tim learns the hard way that the ‘hole’ can’t be filled with achievements (and we already have the antidote).

* [41:03] I know family is most important, but I still have big dreams and only one life in which to go after them. How do I balance those competing objectives?

* [47:00] Why, when Tim ‘should be at the peak of his career’ does he feel like he knows less than ever?

* [53:15] Is our pursuit of excessive comfort to blame for our unhappiness? Asking for a friend…

Prefer to watch us chat? You can do that here 👇🏾

Loved this episode of Next Of Kin?! Share it with your favourite people as a tiny hug straight to their inbox.

If you need support, Lifeline is there 24/7 on 13 11 14 or you can call 13 YARN (13 92 76). Beyond Blue is available on 1300 224 636 and you can also access their online counselling service here.

Lastly, a reminder that Australia’s Griefline - free and confidential counselling and support to people experiencing grief and loss across Australia, inclusive of remote, regional, rural and metropolitan regions - is there for you on 1300 845 745 or here 24/7.

Connect with us:

⚡️ Follow Tim on IG here: https://www.instagram.com/thehappinessinstitute/

⚡️ Get Tim’s book Lost & Found here: https://amzn.asia/d/izqSPBE

⚡️ Follow Casey on Instagram: www.instagram.com/caseyberos/

⚡️ Find out more about Casey’s work: www.caseyberos.com

⚡️ Want more of Casey’s words? There are limited copies of The ‘Bad’ Girl’s Guide To Better out in the wild as well as Amazon and Audible, or hit this link for a signed copy sent straight to your door

⚡️ Missed an episode? Catch up here!

🎧 EP 1: CHANGE YOUR LIFE ONE HABIT AT A TIME with DR GINA CLEO🎧 EP 2: WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT TRAUMA with NIKKI HEYDER

🎧 EP 3: HEALTH ADVICE TO SAVE YOUR LIFE with DR MICHELA SORENSEN

🎧 EP 4: THE POWER OF PERSPECTIVE with MICHAEL CROSSLAND

🎧 EP 5: LIFE AFTER LOSS with AMY MOLLOY

🎧 EP 6: BUILDING A LIFE BEYOND BOOZE with SARAH RUSBATCH

🎧 EP 7: BIOHACK YOUR WAY TO BETTER HEALTH with NICK ENGERER

🎧 EP 8: THE SECRET LIFE OF MONEY with MOLLY BENJAMIN

Get full access to Headlines To Live By at headlinestoliveby.substack.com/subscribe

I have a confession: I’m not great with money. And when I say not great, I mean terrible. I cut myself slack because I’m building a business, doing a Masters degree and the primary carer for two small humans, but I’m 40 and still don’t really have my $hit together when it comes to money.

I’ll preface this by saying that by national standards, my little family unit is probably considered ‘wealthy’. We own a home (well, half a home - we’re in a long-term relationship with the bank who owns the other half). We can afford to go to Woollies and buy pretty much whatever groceries we want, most of the time. But we also live pay cheque to pay cheque, and getting down to single digits in our daily account happens more than I’d like to admit.

My perception of wealth is probably skewed by the fact that I have a successful and affluent group of friends, so one of my favourite pastimes is beating myself up for my inability to create financial abundance (yay!). So, given our collective current financial hurt, I thought this episode we’d focus on financial wellbeing.

To guide us is Molly Benjamin from Ladies Finance Club. Five years ago, she invited a few girlfriends over to chat about money. Since then, they’ve moved out of her lounge room and into much bigger spaces, found 50,000 new friends and spoken with some of the world’s biggest businesses with one goal: to help women get rich.

In the era of the Kardashian-ification of wealth, and our warped perception of it, this chat couldn’t have come at a better time.

It's so powerful when women get together and we actually start talking about money. We can learn from each other because guys are doing it all the time. They're talking about what they're investing in. They're talking about money. They're talking about pay rises. We are not.

Molly Benjamin, Ladies Finance Club

I’ve always been clear that I want to build wealth not so I can buy fancy shoes (well, maybe some really dope sneakers) but so I can be generous with the people I love most and take care of them if they’re ever in a bind. But since I interviewed Molly, I’ve done a couple of things differently.

* I downloaded a budgeting app and connected my bank accounts (which, if I’m honest, made me feel like I deserved some sort of medal or small trophy until I saw how much I was spending at the supermarket and then I felt unwell).

* Off the back of #1 I got WAY smarter with my supermarket shop, shopping at the local green grocer and clearing out the cupboards, and I’ve shaved $150 off our grocery bill in the last fortnight.

* I started really thinking about my financial goals and getting specific about them.

In short, I’ve actioned some of Molly’s simple, easy-to-follow advice and I feel much better for it. Here are my key takeaways from our chat:

* [02:50] Are we unfairly tying up our self worth in our net worth? How money is emotional (and why it shouldn’t be)

* [04:40] How do you feel about rich people? Hear me get vulnerable real fast… plus we chat through how stupidly secretive we are about money and the impact it has on comparison-itis

* [07:10] What happens when women start talking about money, plus what Molly did to get on the Aussie property ladder as a woman on a single income

* [09:00] What does the way you were brought up say about your money habits now, and - if you’re a parent - what money mindset are you passing onto your kids?

* [11:00] ‘Rich people are…’ and other exercises to help you work out your beliefs around money

* [12:00] Money role models for men versus women (one word - yikes), and the true power of wealth

* [13:20] Do we all have to be entrepreneurs? Why side-hustle culture isn’t for everyone and how to get creative if you’re looking to bump up your income (and keep your 9-5)

* [15:38] Opposites attract… Money, relationships and how to get you and your partner on the same page financially ASAP

* [19:19] Financial stressors ahoy! Inflation, interest rates and insanity at the supermarket. Getting real during tough economic times

* [23:50] Are you negotiating your bills? If not, Molly has a question for you: Why the hell not?!

* [25:50] Molly’s favourite money apps

* [27:20] I almost die of embarrassment with two big money admissions and how to better manage cashflow when you’re a freelancer (AKA feast one month, famine the next)

* [29:50] Molly answers your questions! From paying down your mortgage versus investing the gains to setting up your kids for a financially healthy future

* [32:20] What your kids are absorbing from your money language, and how to get them involved (and savvy) when it comes to your family spend

* [34:00] Savings, super and becoming a super-investor - where to put your money

* [35:35] Have you got sandy ears? If so, it might be time to get your head out of the sand when it comes to your wealth (and while we’re at it, your health)

* [37:50] Stop ghosting money! How to get your money to be your BFF

* [38:14] Molly’s plain Jane, ‘vanilla’ investment strategy anyone can copy

* [40:00] Pumped to get your $$$ in order? Here’s where to start, tonight

Love Next Of Kin?! Forward this to your favourite people and tell them to join The Kinship so you can grow those money trees together.

Lastly, want to watch our chat in the most un-creepy way? Do that here 👇🏾

Connect with us:

⚡️ Register for the FREE Side Hustle Summit (happening tomorrow, Friday July 26!) https://www.ladiesfinanceclub.com/side-hustle-summit

⚡️ Check out Ladies Finance Club here: https://ladiesfinanceclub.com/

⚡️ Follow Molly on IG here: https://www.instagram.com/msmollybenjamin/

⚡️ Get Molly’s book Girls Just Wanna Have Funds here: https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Girls-Just-Wanna-Have-Funds-Audiobook/B0BTDTKXZH

⚡️ Follow Casey on Instagram: www.instagram.com/caseyberos/

⚡️ Find out more about Casey’s work: www.caseyberos.com

⚡️ Want more of Casey’s words? There are limited copies of The ‘Bad’ Girl’s Guide To Better out in the wild as well as Amazon and Audible, or hit this link for a signed copy sent straight to your door

⚡️ Missed an episode? Catch up here!

🎧 EP 1: CHANGE YOUR LIFE ONE HABIT AT A TIME with DR GINA CLEO🎧 EP 2: WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT TRAUMA with NIKKI HEYDER

🎧 EP 3: HEALTH ADVICE TO SAVE YOUR LIFE with DR MICHELA SORENSEN

🎧 EP 4: THE POWER OF PERSPECTIVE with MICHAEL CROSSLAND

🎧 EP 5: LIFE AFTER LOSS with AMY MOLLOY

🎧 EP 6: BUILDING A LIFE BEYOND BOOZE with SARAH RUSBATCH

🎧 EP 7: BIOHACK YOUR WAY TO BETTER HEALTH with NICK ENGERER

Get full access to Headlines To Live By at headlinestoliveby.substack.com/subscribe

Cast your mind forward, right to the end of your life. Are you:

A. Riddled with disease, dependent on minimum wage workers at the local care facility (which you’ve paid for with your house, super and pension) eating Deb mashed potato out of a tray… or;

B. Gorgeously wrinkled, surrounded by loving kids and grandkids you can still lift on your shoulders and hitting Nando’s with your mates from Mahjong.

If you chose option A, you’re in luck. That’s the way most of us will go. But if you’re in camp B - you’ll want to tune into today’s episode of Next Of Kin.

In it, biohacker and longevity strategist Nick Engerer and I discuss how to increase not just our lifespan but our healthspan (read: more yay, less tray), and the fact that we’re spending a whole lot of our hard-earned cash on staying healthy and well. In fact, Forbes reckons the global health and wellness market is estimated to grow to a staggering US$13 trillion by 2031. So my question is, with a booming wellness market… why aren’t we more well?

Most people go straight to spending money to make changes. You’ve got the right motivation - you want to be healthier, you want to live longer, you want to make a change - great! But that change is not made by purchasing something.

That’s the biggest mistake people make. Nick Engerer

So if, like me, you want to age as gracefully as an elderly ballerina - with skin that looks perpetually pulled into a bun and enough upper body strength to haul your own suitcase on your frequent travels - you’re in for a treat. Oh, and all those skincare products you keep After Pay-ing? You might wanna rethink those. Sneak peek here…

In the episode, we explore:

* [02:00] The incredible opportunity of aging - chronological, biological, aesthetic aging and more (and why your appearance is an asset you want to take care of)

* [04:30] Body says gym, hair says party! The Bondi-fication of women’s aging

* [07:13] Introducing the longevity mindset

* [12:00] Shifting focus from lifespan to healthspan: how to live better for longer

* [15:42] Say goodbye to health overwhelm and hello to your longevity strategy

* [19:40] Your health dashboard. Need-to-know data and how to capture it

* [24:15] Lost, miserable, exhausted - how journalling can help us track what’s working, what isn’t and even pipe down our inner critic

* [29:00] Test and measure, test and measure. How you are (probably) already biohacking in your own life…

* [32:00] Longevity technologies - how Nick and his company A Longer Life works out what products to try (and where we can all save our $)

* [36:50] Questions to ask before you ‘add to cart’ (asking for a friend who keeps getting served hormone-balancing menopause ads) 🙄

* [41:00] Rapid fire: Sugar, red wine, Netflix binges, Botox, red light therapy, Retinol (hear me leaaaaannnnnn in here) and more - what gets Nick’s tick and what gets a ‘no, thanks’ 🙅🏽‍♀️

* [44:00] Nick’s thoughts on the new crop of weight loss medications

* [46:00] Longevity mistakes you’re probably making

* [49:00] Homework: Find someone in your community aging well and ask them these questions

* [51:00] Where it all began for Nick and why he’s so driven to help us all better use the preventative healthcare tools available to us

Love Next Of Kin?! Forward this to your favourite people and tell them to join The Kinship so you can grow old and grey together.

Lastly, want to watch our chat in the most un-creepy way? Do that here 👇🏾

Connect with us:

⚡️ Check out A Longer Life here: https://www.nickengerer.org/

⚡️ Follow Nick on IG here: https://www.instagram.com/nickengerer/

⚡️ Follow Casey on Instagram: www.instagram.com/caseyberos/

⚡️ Find out more about Casey’s work: www.caseyberos.com

⚡️ Want more of Casey’s words? There are limited copies of The ‘Bad’ Girl’s Guide To Better out in the wild as well as Amazon, Booktopia and Audible, or hit this link for a signed copy sent to your door

⚡️ Missed an episode? I got you…

🎧 EP 1: CHANGE YOUR LIFE ONE HABIT AT A TIME with DR GINA CLEO🎧 EP 2: WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT TRAUMA with NIKKI HEYDER

🎧 EP 3: HEALTH ADVICE TO SAVE YOUR LIFE with DR MICHELA SORENSEN

🎧 EP 4: THE POWER OF PERSPECTIVE with MICHAEL CROSSLAND

🎧 EP 5: LIFE AFTER LOSS with AMY MOLLOY

🎧 EP 6: BUILDING A LIFE BEYOND BOOZE with SARAH RUSBATCH

Get full access to Headlines To Live By at headlinestoliveby.substack.com/subscribe

Picture this: you’ve hit some semblance of midlife. You’re older, wiser and squishier around the middle. You have a career that pays the bills, little or big babies, good friends and bad habits, but all in all, life is fine. You’re also caring for aging parents, worrying about the economy, wondering if your kid has ADHD and everything hurts when you lay down wrong but… you’re fine. Especially when you get a drink in your hot little hand to ceremoniously flick your internal status to: off duty.

But lately you’ve noticed that your favourite salve for the poky, jabby stresses of everyday life isn’t doing the job like it used to. Even a couple of glasses of wine messes with your sleep more. Eases your anxiety less. And it takes you (way) longer to recover after a few too many.

But still, you persist. After all, you’re an ADULT. And adults deserve adulty rewards for making it through another day.

Grey area drinking coach Sarah Rusbatch says we’ve been sold an impossible dream when it comes to 'having it all' and that the solution we’ve been offered, and willingly accepted, isn’t rewarding us at all. At best it’s dulling our light and at worst… it’s standing between us and everything we want.

One thing I know to be true is that sobriety takes us back to our most authentic selves and allows us to step into the body and life of the person we were always meant to be. From Beyond Booze by Sarah Rusbatch.

Our relationship with alcohol is far from simple – it’s a complex mix of psychology, history, genetics, habits, identity and emotion. Untangling that is equally complex, but in this chat Sarah and I give it a red hot go. We explore…

* [02:45] Grey area drinking vs alcoholism

* [04:55] The Australian drinking landscape - winners and losers

* [06:38] Am I a grey area drinker? Here’s how to know

* [10:00] Midlife stress and the dangers of mummy wine culture

* [13:42] Bye anxiety! The #1 surprising side effect of life beyond booze

* [17:10] How sobriety unlocked a new level of life for me

* [22:28] When Sarah knew enough was enough

* [25:03] ‘I still believed moderation was the goal’ - two years on the drinking Merry-Go-Round

* [28:05] Something from Sarah’s book blows my tiny mind #WTF

* [30:00] What The World Health Organization has to say and how our Aussie alcohol guidelines have set us up to fail

* [32:21] Breast cancer, pyjamas and recommendations from The Lancet (our most respected medical journal) calling for the ban of alcohol advertising

* [35:37] Emotional addiction vs physical dependence - why we keep coming back

* [39:58] Alcohol’s link to relationships (and the only thing I miss about drinking)

* [43:45] Ritual, connection and the one thing that saved Sarah’s marriage

* [46:40] From black and white to living in colour, coming home to our most authentic selves

* [49:00] Can we talk about THE FACE?! Booze’s big beauty secret

Love this chat?! Do someone you love a favour and share it with them. And - Sarah’s 30-Day Alcohol Free Challenge starts Monday 1 July! Why not join her for support on your first 30 days?! I’ll see you there…

Connect with us:

⚡️ Join Sarah’s 30-Day Alcohol Free Challenge: https://sarahrusbatch.com/af-challenge-jul24

⚡️ Buy Sarah’s book Beyond Booze: https://geni.us/BeyondBooze

⚡️ Stalk Sarah here: https://sarahrusbatch.com/

⚡️ And follow her adventures on IG here: https://www.instagram.com/sarahrusbatch/

⚡️ Follow Casey on Instagram: www.instagram.com/caseyberos/

⚡️ Find out more about Casey’s work: www.caseyberos.com

⚡️ Want more of Casey’s words? There are limited copies of The ‘Bad’ Girl’s Guide To Better out in the wild as well as Amazon, Booktopia and Audible, or hit this link for a signed copy sent to your door

Next Of Kin is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Extra support

The Alcohol Drug Information Service (ADIS) provides confidential support for people struggling with addiction 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 1800 250 015.

If you need support, please know Lifeline is there 24/7 on 13 11 14 or you can call 13 YARN (13 92 76). Beyond Blue is available on 1300 224 636 and you can also access their online counselling service here.

Lastly, a reminder that Australia’s Griefline - free and confidential counselling and support to people experiencing grief and loss across Australia, inclusive of remote, regional, rural and metropolitan regions - is there for you on 1300 845 745 or here 24/7.

Get full access to Headlines To Live By at headlinestoliveby.substack.com/subscribe

Interviewing a fellow journalist is kind of like inviting a Michelin-starred Chef over for dinner. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been cooking, when they’re very, very good at what they do, it can make you feel very, very worried you’re doing to stuff up the soufflé. Let’s face it, I’ve never - nor will I probably ever - make soufflé but what l can cook up is a rich, hearty and delicious conversation. And boy does Amy deliver.

From living with grief that has no full stop to what to do if you find yourself with ‘ambition fatigue’ this one is for the storytellers, the mothers and anyone who is grieving anything - from a loved one to a friendship to an imagined future. Like I strive to do, Amy puts words to our lived experiences in a way that makes us feel seen, heard and known - and it’s a quality that AI just can’t replicate, because there is no substitute for the learnings delivered by a life of grazed knees and broken hearts.

I remember sitting on the office floor in Grazia, and just sitting on the floor and staring at the wall for like three hours. And not even crying, you know, you’re like beyond crying, when you’re just sitting there numb, where you just go ‘I can’t do this anymore’. Amy Molloy

Like two old friends in the local coffee shop, we discuss…

* [03:10] What happened when Amy became a widow at 23

* [06:00] We’re all missing something. Amy’s relationship with grief now

* [07:55] Still hurts, 17 years on. The beautiful, non-sensical grief timeline

* [13:00] Grieving AND. Welcome to the world of emo-diversity

* [14:07] Storytelling from the wound or the scar? The peaks and pitfalls of packaging up your hardship for public consumption

* [22:47] Capturing our people before we lose them, and that time Amy accidentally deleted almost every photo she had of her (deceased) first husband

* [28:12] What does our ideal day look like? My surprising realisation in doing this simple but profound exercise

* [30:25] The privilege of the school drop and the freedom in flexibility

* [34:21] Introducing ‘The Scarlet Widow’. When the heroine becomes the headline

* [36:58] How to share our story while protecting ourselves and the people we love

* [41:00] Over-identifying with our trauma, and that time Amy’s husband called her out on it

* [44:50] What happened when the editor of Grazia magazine got struck with a serious case of ambition fatigue

* [47:00] ‘I just had to keep moving’ - running in her sleep, running from her grief and running through survival mode

* [50:00] What does success look like now? Plus, my surprising parenting admission and how Amy thinks her first husband would feel about her life today…

If you loved this conversation, do us a favour and share it with someone you love. You just never know who might be missing someone or something today - your email and this chat could be just the warm hug they need. Til next time… x

Connect with us:

⚡️ Follow Amy on Instagram: www.instagram.com/amy_molloy/

⚡️ Learn more about Amy’s books: www.amymolloy.com.au/books

⚡️ Find out about Amy’s mentoring: www.amymolloy.com.au/coursesandmentoring

⚡️ Follow Casey on Instagram: www.instagram.com/caseyberos/

⚡️ Find out more about Casey’s work: www.caseyberos.com

⚡️ Want more of Casey’s words? There are limited copies of The ‘Bad’ Girl’s Guide To Better out in the wild as well as Amazon, Booktopia and Audible, or hit this link for a signed copy sent to your door

No trigger warnings on this one, but we do discuss illness and some scary health challenges. If you need support, please know Lifeline is there 24/7 on 13 11 14 or you can call 13 YARN (13 92 76). Beyond Blue is available on 1300 224 636 and you can also access their online counselling service here.

Lastly, a reminder that Australia’s Griefline - free and confidential counselling and support to people experiencing grief and loss across Australia, inclusive of remote, regional, rural and metropolitan regions - is there for you on 1300 845 745 or here 24/7.

Get full access to Headlines To Live By at headlinestoliveby.substack.com/subscribe

Michael Crossland is one of those people you meet and instantly feel like you’ve known forever. He’s unbelievably likeable, but it’s more than that - it’s something I can’t quite put my finger on but my best stab at it is this; Michael is a bit of a unicorn. He’s knowledgable without being a smarta$$. Humble without being sickly self-deprecating. Funny without being performative. Polished without being scripted. And his vulnerability, access to emotion (even when telling stories he must’ve told thousands of times at this point) and generosity of spirit is second-to-none. 

Rather than having multiple degrees like the experts I often interview, Mike’s education has come from the school of life. And boy, has it delivered him some lessons. I feel so fortunate to be in a position to package him up and share him with you today.

We learn (a heap), laugh (a lot) and cry (a bit, then a bit more). I wanted to know:

* [03:00] Do little things still piss Mike off, or is he too enlightened now? 

* [04:30] Is life happening to us or for us? Asking for a friend… 

* [06:40] 96% empty, 4% full. Meet baby Mike, the toughest toddler in Coffs Harbour circa 1984 

* [10:00] Lucky #25 - the drug trial that almost took, then saved, little Mike’s life 

* [13:20] ‘Forgiveness is a remarkable tool, regardless of whether they’ve asked for it’ - how to prioritise our own self worth over how others value us 

* [18:00] What happened when Mike got so busy trying to create an amazing life he forgot to protect the one he already had 

* [20:30] Are we living or just existing? Mike’s blueprint for longer, happier, healthier years

* [27:00] Want the 1% life? Then we need to do the work the other 99% won’t

* [27:50] Greg Norman, $10 and a can of VB 

* [31:40] That time Mike let down the most important woman in his life, and how he made it up to her 

* [35:32] Show us how to fish, don’t just give us the fish! How Mike’s charity is changing the future for families in Haiti 

* [41:00] Struggling to find your purpose? Maybe you’re overthinking it 

* [44:40] How our internal dialogue determines our day - getting micro around thoughts and language 

* [48:15] Let’s play a game! Casey shoots some of our most common negative thoughts at Mike and lets him Mike-ify them 

* [50:38] The luckiest man on Earth. How Mike and his beautiful wife were given the ultimate gift 

Loved this conversation? Please share this episode with someone you care about (and tell them to grab the tissues).

Wanna watch our cute heads while we talk to you?! Enjoy us on Youtube here…

Connect with us:

⚡️ Follow Michael on Instagram here

⚡️ Buy Mike’s book Everything Will Be OK here

⚡️ Support his charity work in Haiti here

⚡️ Follow Casey on Instagram here

⚡️ Find out more about Casey’s work here

⚡️ Want more Casey? There are very limited copies of The ‘Bad’ Girl’s Guide To Better out in the wild as well as Amazon, Booktopia and Audible, or hit this link for a signed copy sent to your door

No trigger warnings on this one, but we do discuss illness and some scary health challenges. If you need support, please know Lifeline is there 24/7 on 13 11 14 or you can call 13 YARN (13 92 76). Beyond Blue is available on 1300 224 636 and you can also access their online counselling service here.

I also stumbled on this incredible resource the other day and wanted to share the details again here for anyone in need. Australia’s Griefline - free and confidential counselling and support to people experiencing grief and loss across Australia, inclusive of remote, regional, rural and metropolitan regions - on 1300 845 745 or here 24/7.

Get full access to Headlines To Live By at headlinestoliveby.substack.com/subscribe

If there’s one thing I know, it’s that there is no one on the planet who is ever going to be a bigger or better advocate for your health than you. It’s why I’ve dedicated my career to helping us all live longer, happier, healthier lives - because I want as much time with the people I love as humanly possible, and I want that for you too.

But there are some deep flaws in our healthcare system, and while it’s not up to us to fix them, it is up to us to know how to work around them. This conversation is dedicated to empowering you and the people you love to do just that.

This is one of the most important episodes of Next Of Kin I will probably ever deliver. Even if you’re well right now, especially if you’re well right now, I implore you to take one hour of your precious time to listen to it AND to share it with someone you love.

Dr Michela Sorensen is a GP and advocate for women’s health, mental health and regional health. She’s also an interviewer’s dream who both dominates her field and speaks in soundbites (making my job VERY easy). But more than all of that, she’s an 11/10 person AND she’s got one hell of a story to tell.

In our chat, we discuss:

* [02:15] What it’s like being a GP in Australia right now and what that means for us as patients

* [07:36] Is the system set up to support doctors and patients appropriately, and why can’t all doctors bulk bill?

* [14:15] If you live regionally, rurally or remotely in Australia, you fare more poorly than those of us in the big smoke. What can we do to close the gap?

* [17.56] Why health literacy is your most important tool in navigating the healthcare system

* [25.46] Stop putting your health (way) down your to-do list

* [26:43] Why hasn’t Telehealth fixed our issues around access to healthcare?

* [29:48] What you’re most likely to die from if you live in Australia

* [33:49] Your defence and offence players (and MVPs) when it comes to your health

* [35:53] The minimum viable intervention when it comes to exercise (hint: it’s way less than we think!)

* [39:04] The lost parents club: Michela shares how her beautiful Mum shaped her

* [48:56] That time Michela went to the dentist, and walked out with cancer

* [55:30] The exception to every rule: Michela’s rollercoaster ride through cancer as a healthy 34 year-old Mum of two

Loved this conversation? Please share this episode with someone you care about!

Connect with us:

⚡️ Follow Michela on Instagram here

⚡️ Learn more about Michela’s work here

⚡️ Follow Casey on Instagram here

⚡️ Find out more about Casey’s work here

⚡️ Want more Casey? There are very limited copies of The ‘Bad’ Girl’s Guide To Better out in the wild as well as Amazon, Booktopia and Audible, or hit this link for a signed copy sent to your door

For 24/7 support, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 13 YARN (13 92 76), or Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636 and you can access their online counselling service here.

You can also access Australia’s Griefline - free and confidential counselling and support to people experiencing grief and loss across Australia, inclusive of remote, regional, rural and metropolitan regions - on 1300 845 745 or here 24/7.

Get full access to Headlines To Live By at headlinestoliveby.substack.com/subscribe

Let’s face it - life has no shortage of trauma. And now we’re not just experiencing it, we’re watching it unfold all day, every day on a 24-hour news cycle. In this thoughtful and insightful chat, psychotherapist, counsellor and trauma mentor Nikki Heyder breaks down the ins and outs of trauma and shares some of her own for us all to learn from along the way.

Nikki says many of us are “kind of stuck in a state of numbness but hopelessness… so the world is no longer joyful.” If that sounds like you or someone you love, this is a must-listen. While T/trauma is a serious topic, this conversation is full of all the best stuff - vulnerability, hope and so.much.light.

Nikki knows her stuff, even training with the world-renowned Dr Gabor Mate. In our chat, we discuss:

* [03:20] What is trauma?

* [04:00] Big T versus little t trauma

* [06:20] The ACE study and how childhood T/trauma shapes our adulthood

* [08:05] T/trauma is unique and personal

* [10:09] Beware the allure of ‘healing your trauma in 5 days’

* [10.38] Will the concept of repair save the day for our kids?

* [15.56] How T/trauma plays out in us

* [18.05] What to do if this sounds like you

* [19:20] Who to turn to and who to turn away from

* [23:46] Feeling indecisive? Maybe it’s your ‘functional freeze’ response

* [26:46] Reintroducing… your intuition

* [29:10] Practical, tactical tools for a cooler, calmer nervous system

* [31:40] Are you in ‘shutdown mode’?

* [34:35] Cultivating a new voice + responding to our humanness with compassion

* [37:37] Can we all just lay on the ground for a bit? Asking for a friend

* [39:05] T/trauma in healthcare

* [40:44] T/trauma, grief and loss

* [43:24] T/trauma and the breakdown of relationships

* [46:15] T/trauma around money, feat. Nikki’s harrowing lived experience

* [53:10] A message for anyone in, or getting into, business

Loved this conversation? Tell us in the comments and share this episode with someone you adore!

Connect with us:

⚡️ Follow Nikki on Instagram here

⚡️ Get individual therapy with Nikki here

⚡️ Join her Baseline program for nervous system regulation here

⚡️ And check out her certification in Compassion Focused Coaching here

⚡️ Follow Casey on Instagram here

⚡️ Find out more about Casey’s work here

⚡️ Want more Casey? There are very limited copies of The ‘Bad’ Girl’s Guide To Better out in the wild as well as Amazon, Booktopia and Audible, or hit this link for a signed copy sent to your door

Facing financial hardship? Call the National Debt Helpline on 1800 007 007

For 24/7 support, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 13 YARN (13 92 76), or Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636 and you can access their online counselling service here.

Get full access to Headlines To Live By at headlinestoliveby.substack.com/subscribe