Donald Trump got ghosted by all thirty-two NATO allies for a war he started, then declared he never needed them — from inside a meeting with Ireland, a country not in NATO; the administration's anti-war conscience turned out to be an antisemite, which tracks; the president who ran on ending migrant farm labor quietly slashed migrant farmworker wages to fix the shortage his deportations caused; Jeanine Pirro went on Fox News to beg viewers to become federal prosecutors because the DOJ fired everyone with a résumé; Mike Johnson asked for $16.5 billion to restock munitions for a not-war that Congress never authorized; a Republican subpoenaed a Republican over Jeffrey Epstein files that implicate people nobody wants to name out loud; and DOGE fired the exact officials whose only job was preventing what's currently happening in the Strait of Hormuz. Tape rolls.

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