Donald Trump broke the airports, then deployed ICE agents who can't screen luggage to fix them; the administration paid a French oil company $928 million to stop building wind farms, announced the death of subsidies with a straight face, and called it energy independence; Iran and America are either negotiating or lying about negotiating while 2,000 people are dead and Jared Kushner holds the pen; Russian intelligence defeated the entire U.S. security apparatus with a fake help desk email; the Navy shipped 4,200 Marines toward a war it won't name while calling the deployment routine; the Pentagon recruited civilian volunteers to do ICE data entry by comparing deportations to wildfire relief; and a conservative magazine founder proposed a constitutional coup — with a Democrat as VP — as the last sane off-ramp anyone could find. Tape rolls.

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