Trump held a press conference and declared victory over Iran four times in thirty-nine minutes while also wanting a ceasefire, not wanting a ceasefire, and sending Marines with no boots on the ground; a white plumber with an associate degree is now running Homeland Security because DEI is the problem; the president mailed his ballot two days after calling mail-in voting cheating; he ordered Republicans to kill the DHS deal on Sunday and signed it on Tuesday because his ICE agents couldn't find a bomb in a diaper bag; and a dead pilot tried to warn us about LaGuardia months ago and someone filed it and went to lunch. Tape rolls.

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