Senate finally reopens the government; Rand Paul enraged, Schumer stabbed by his own. Air traffic controllers unpaid, yelled at for patriotism. Trump proposes 50-year mortgages so you die before owning a house. DOJ bleeding lawyers like the last chopper out. Maxwell courts a pardon from a prison resort. Kim Davis denied again. The Federalist calls Trump rudderless.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting from a whiskey-soaked democracy on life support.

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