Fifty-one days without a government; the fix is less healthcare. The Navy eyes Venezuela’s oil under the guise of “freedom.” Trump sells indulgences to donors and wages war on a mall that doesn’t exist. His AI revolts, the DOJ rots, and the FAA begs for gas money. Veterans still waiting on that back pay from 1783.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting from a malfunctioning republic with a hangover and a mic.

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