David Richardson missed Texas drowning, Comey’s case fell apart, and Charlotte got a paramilitary panic parade. Trump rasped through a reversal on Epstein files while Marjorie Taylor Greene survived death threats, doxx-pizza, and a new nickname: “Traitor Brown.” The EPA turns wetlands into a corporate toilet, and the Treasury blames migrant cows for high beef prices.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting live from the fever dream formerly known as the United States.

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