New York chews its own teeth; rats poll higher than politicians. Virginia shatters glass ceilings. Sandwich Wars ended with mustard trauma. Cheney outlived his conscience. UPS planes crash, gravity unionizes, and the government holds SNAP hostage. Trump threatens Nigeria; Fox invents citizens. Trump Burger dead, Empire Pizza rises. Crypto pardons, morality auctioned.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—broadcasting from a basement bunker, and the headlines scream.

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