Are you tired of watching sports and wishing a supreme intellect would descend from the heavens to explain it to your simple, fragile mind? Wish no longer. Today, we are joined by an absolute titan of the game to finally explain the World Cup to us.

We cover the absolute essentials of football, including:

• The Rules: Substitutions, age limits, and when we inevitably get hit with a red or yellow card for asking an incredibly dumb question.
• The Essentials: What snacks are actually acceptable to eat during a match.
• The Drama: All the spicy, hot tea coming out of the World Cup right now.

Grab your notebook and prepare to be educated. You're welcome.

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