We kick off talking about the Miami Marlins and their insane valuation, then transition to the weirdest injuries we could find out about. *Cough* Madison Bumgarner *cough* Tim makes Darryl Kile jokes *cough*

Episode Avatar: Benito Santiago (lookin' cool as hell)

Bumper Music: "Gimmie" by Phoenix Brown

ABANDON YE HOPE, ALL WHO ENTER HERE: Your team might be in last place already. Their season might be done. We talk about why. 

Avatar: RA Dickey, looking weird and old as a Brave

If you think about it, baseball players change their names much more often than, say, normal people. Also: early season trends always hold. Right? RIGHT?

Episode Avatar: Yolmer/Carlos Sanchez

Bumper Music: "Карусель" Dustar (Yes, all three snippets are from the same insane song)

What's better than low-stakes baseball? Traveling for it! We saw games in Montreal and Japan and lived to tell the tale! These tales! The ones in the podcast! The podcast you just downloaded!

Episode Avatar: Hideki Irabu

Bumper Music: "400 Milles" by Les Breastfeeders

Funny-named players, and sense checking our opinions versus Johnny Ramone's. Everyone's 3rd favorite Ramone loved baseball, it turns out. 

Episode Avatar: Placido Polanco

Bumper Music: "Blue is Beautiful" The Make-up

Spring training and the WBC are done, so we basked in their collective halfassedness.

Bumper Music: "Volle Pulle" - The Theo Schumann Combo. Yes, this is a German Language cover of "Wooly Bully"

Episode Avatar: Rowdy Tellez

Remember our dumb bets last year? Oops, we did it again. Never bet on the Rookie of the Year, no matter what Max tells you. 

Episode Avatar: Bob Hamelin, AL RoY 1994

Who would you pick if you made your all-MLB-over-30 team? We know who *we'd* pick. 

Bumper Music: "Passacaglia" Fucked Up

Episode Avatar: Charlie Hough, the oldest looking old guy

In the shocking finale of our division-by-division previews, we finally get around to the NL West. Will the Dodgers win more games than the Cubs? Why do the Padres still exist? How are the Rockies like Protestantism?

Episode Avatar: Octavio Dotel as a Dodger

The NL Central is America under Trump. One team is succeeding and 4 are going to be begging for healthcare. Or something. The metaphor kinda fell apart there. But the Cubs are going to win the division and everyone else looks very disappointing.

Episode Avatar: Octavio Dotel as a Cardinal