The picture above was taken on October 7th, 2010, a few hours after my ordination to the Diaconate in Vatican City. This is where I made my lifelong promises of obedience to my bishop, fidelity to praying the Liturgy of the Hours five times a day, and the countercultural bugaboo of celibacy. It’s the final step before a man is ordained to the sacred priesthood of Jesus Christ. My family had flown the thousands of miles for the joyous occasion.

It’s hard to tell from behind the smile, but I was absolutely terrified in this picture. Waves upon waves of doubts were pounding against my heart: “What have I done? How can I ever live up to responsibility of what I’ve just promised? Everyone is going to see the fraud that I really am?” It was the same fears I heard eight years before. This time I was on the other side of the world, standing outside Hunt Hall at UC Davis as a college junior, waiting for my English class to begin. It became abundantly clear by that point that God was asking me to be one of his priests. I yelled “NO!” “Don’t you know who I am? You know my sins. I’m not holy enough. My faith is too small.”

In many ways, I sounded like Peter in the Gospel today. After he witnessed the miraculous catch of fish it reads: “He fell at the knees of Jesus and said, ‘Depart from, Lord, for I am a sinful man.” Despite this, Jesus still choose him to lead his Church and become the first pope. He wasn’t chosen because of his skills, intellect or holy prowess. God chooses the least likely for his greater glory. These “earthen vessels,” broken as they are, can be used to proclaim the Good News of salvation to the ends of the earth. All they must do is remain faithful to the very end. Come what may. And Let God do the heavy lifting.