19 Nocturne Boulevard - HOT GINGER BREAD - (Reissue of the Week)

Set in the same world as B&B; Investigations, but some 30 years later.  So while Paul & Donna are Sam Spade, Gretal & Hansel are Starsky and Hutch. CAN YOU DIG IT? ****************************************** Cast List Rebekah Gretal - Risa Torres Vic Hansel - Reynaud LeBoeuf B.O. Wulf - Lothar Tuppan Capt. Meisterburger - Glen Hallstrom Ginger - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard Fleet - Chris Stockett Shallott - Bryan Hendricksen Juniper - Chris Stockett Rumplestiltskin - Philomen Vanderbeck Dr. Fell - Colin McRoberts Goose Gander - Mark Olson TV News  - Suzanne Dunn Senator Rapunzel - Julie Hoverson Mysterious Voice - Mark Olson Woodcutter - Justin Cop 1 - Graciespoppy  Cop 2 - Colin McRoberts Trainer - Graciespoppy Maitre d' - Philemon Vanderbeck Bartender - James Keeley Woman1 - Sara Falconer Woman2 - Angela Kirby Stumpy - Brody Walker Additional gingerbread men - Cary Ayers, Leonard Keeler, Danar Hoverson Music by  Footage Firm, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's an alley, can't you tell?" ********************************* Hot Ginger Bread Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Woodcutter, the stoolie Cop1 and cop2 Rebekah Gretal, tough old-school cop Vic Hansel, new-age hippie cop with no fear Goose Gander, affirmative action detective B.O. Wulf, other tough cop Captain Meisterburger - chief of detectives Ginger, nearsighted witch running the cartel Fleet, Ginger's head man Senator Rapunzel Mysterious stranger Shallott, internal affairs TV News Trainer Other gingerbread men Maitre d' Bartender (frog) Woman1 Woman2 Juniper Fell Rumplestiltskin   ADD COMMERCIAL BREAKS? OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a back alley in a vaguely familiar city - but an unfamiliar time, can't you tell?  1_OPENING TAG MUSIC - FUNK!!!!! SOUND     RUNNING FEET, ECHOING IN AN ALLEYWAY, DISTANT TRAFFIC.  POLICE WHISTLES COP1    [distant] Stop!  Police! WOODCUTTER    Nuh-uh!  SOUND    GATE CLANG OPEN, FEET RUN THROUGH WOODCUTTER    [triumphant] Oh yeah! SOUND    FEET SLOW, STOP TO LISTEN WOODCUTTER    [gasping but laughing] Lame-ass fuzz. SOUND    GUN COCKS COP2    [snide] What was that? WOODCUTTER    Oh...  uh...  [weaselly] I have the right to remain silent? 2_GRETAL MUSIC    SCENE WIPE [gym] SOUND    PUNCHING BAG WULF    Hey Ree, dontcha think that saddle-slap is about to shed some eye-dew? GRETAL    [exerting] Nah, Wulf.  Momma always said you gotta keep hitting til it squeals uncle. WULF    [shrugs] Stranger things have come to pass. GRETAL    'sides, big heavy meeting coming up with the Cap.  Needed to cool down a bit first. SOUND    PUNCHING STOPS GRETAL    Hear you gotta new partner.  What happened to Canute?  You guys were joined at the badge.  WULF    [grumpy] New inefficiency program.  Ya get too good, ya get cleaved in twain like a bronze war helmet.  Plus they needed someone who can stand a pattycake in the car. GRETAL    Oh yeah, I heard one of 'em got his shield.  [a bit disgusted] Welcome to the future. WULF    [dismissive] If this is the future, I'll take Valhalla.  You cooled yet? GRETAL    Nah, a few more-- TRAINER    [from across the room] Anyone here seen Gretal? GRETAL    [heavy sigh] Guess I'm done. WULF    Good luck.  And remember - they only have one pattycake to assign, so it can't be a kettlefull of snakes. GRETAL    Words to live by. 3_HANSEL MUSIC    SCENE WIPE [CAPTAIN'S OFFICE] CAPTAIN    [to someone in the room] I'll be just a minute.  [back to phone]  I specifically said 3:00 and it's now-- SOUND    RAP ON THE DOOR CAPTAIN    Never mind.  SOUND    HANGS UP PHONE CAPTAIN    [grumpy]  Get in here, Gretal! SOUND    DOOR OPENS, FEET ENTER CAPTAIN    Shut the door. SOUND    DOOR SHUTS FIRMLY GRETAL    What did I do this time?  If it's that weasel we pulled out of toad hall, he fell down the stairs.  They all did.  Ask anyone. CAPTAIN    No, it's -- GRETAL    Oh, I got it.  The fish is talking again?  CAPTAIN    NO!  Sit down and listen! GRETAL    Right. SOUND    CHAIR CAPTAIN    [suspicious] What was this about a fish? GRETAL    [too quick] Nothing. CAPTAIN    Then never mind... for the moment.  I've got bigger ... uh... things to fry.  You know they been shaking things up since the corruption stings hit - changing up the partners in the detective posts? GRETAL    Doesn't bother me, I don't have a partner. CAPTAIN    Not yet. GRETAL    I work better on my - what? CAPTAIN    New directive, straight from the Keep.  Everyone works with a partner, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.  GRETAL    You know no one can keep up with me!  I have the highest manacle rating in homicide!  Just last week I stopped that vigilante goat and took down the troll that ate his family.  CAPTAIN    Your record does speak for itself.  GRETAL    Frankly, the goat was tougher. CAPTAIN    But with the recent corruption issues-- GRETAL    [horrified] Captain!  You can't think I'm dirty!  I even play fair with pattycakes. CAPTAIN    Fair, yes.  But it's this lone wolf mentality that's got people up in arms.  Too many cops without adequate oversight. GRETAL    Oversight?  I'll show you oversight! CAPTAIN    And no, I don't think for a moment that you're a dirty cop. GRETAL    Damn straight! CAPTAIN    Just a rude one who won't shut up and listen to her damn boss. GRETAL    I--!  [beat]  Fine. CAPTAIN    Good.  Now you better listen, cause sure as bad things come in threes, there's someone above us just waiting for a chance to come down on us like a sledgehammer-- GRETAL    Thor? CAPTAIN    [ignoring her] --and take this entire department apart, brick by brick.  So while the big eye is on us, we have to play nice.  Which means you do as you're told. GRETAL    How long? CAPTAIN    Til "they're" done.  Whenever that may be. GRETAL    [wheedling] Why can't you partner me up with Wulf?  At least we see eye-to-eye on-- CAPTAIN    "Necessary force"?  Yeah, that's exactly why he's partnered up with Gander and you get our newest transfer from "CAP". GRETAL    Crimes against Pattycakes?  Seriously?  [disgusted] Am I gonna have to speak in rhyme? VIC    [gentle cough] Don't worry.  I just work with them. [bitter] I'm as normal as anyone. GRETAL    [whirling, annoyed] What the--?  [to captain] You never said--! CAPTAIN    And you never gave me a chance.  Rebekah Gretal, meet Vic Hansel. VIC    It's a... pleasure. GRETAL    [ignoring him] You're not transferring me?  Please tell me we're not-- CAPTAIN    You're not going to be CAP, no. GRETAL    [to Vic] Hah.  Looks like you traded up. CAPTAIN    You're both going to be part of a special task force, working in parallel with vice. GRETAL    Oh, hell no. 4_WITCH MUSIC WIPE     [WITCH'S OFFICE, SULTRY MUSIC] SOUND    PHONE RINGS, PICKED UP GINGER    Yes? STRANGER    [disguised mechanized voice]  Woodcutter is turning woodlark. GINGER    The hell you say. STRANGER    The guard has him under wraps.  Not even booked yet.  GINGER    Narco? STRANGER    No.  They have not been informed. GINGER    How did you find all this out? STRANGER    A Little pixie told me.  Good enough for you to drop a gold ball in the well for me? GINGER    Very good.  You'll have it by the end of the week. SOUND     HANGS UP, CLICK INTERCOM FLEET    [deep voice] Yeah, boss? GINGER    Fire up the ovens, Fleet.  Looks like I'm gonna need a few more good men. 5_BAR MUSIC    CUT TO BAR T.V. NEWS    In the overwhelming wake of the Aarne Thompson exposés on corruption in the guard, shakeups have been felt throughout the land.  WULF    Turn it off. GRETAL    Nah, leave it.  Better to hear what's coming, than get blindsided like I just did. T.V. NEWS    Commissioner Oftheguard set the date for his official resignation ceremony. WULF    That sucks. GRETAL    [very upset growl] The Guard was his damn life.  They shouldn't take this crap out on him. WULF    He was planning to retire anyway, wasn't he? GRETAL    Yeah, but in a hail of glory, not a... rain of frogs. BARTENDER    [croaky] Watchoo got against frogs? GRETAL    [dismissive noise] T.V. NEWS    The hotly-contested interim Commissioner position will be designated by the end of the week, and will hold office until the elections in two months. VIC    A lot could happen in two months. GRETAL    [completely startled] Oh crap!  Where the gilliken did you come from? VIC    I've been here for a while.  [to B.O.] Hi! WULF    Uh, hi. VIC    Introduce us? GRETAL    Wulf, this is my new partner Vic Hansel.  Hansel, this is Brynulf Odegaard Wulf.  We just call him B.O. VIC    Gotcha. T.V. NEWS    Senator Rapunzel had this to say on the eve of the corruption hearings... WULF    [annoyed] You want me to invite my partner too?  We could play a hand of poker.  Start a bowling league? T.V. RAPUNZEL    [old woman]  I have never been ashamed of my stand on justice.  GRETAL    [resigned sigh]  No. VIC    Sorry.  Didn't realize I was intruding.  But we -um- just got a call. T.V. RAPUNZEL    [old woman]  I did my time in the district attorney's office, doing what good I could. GRETAL    [to bartender] One more! BARTENDER    [croaky] Coming right up. SOUND    SPLASH VIC    Should you--? GRETAL    Definitely. T.V. RAPUNZEL    [old woman]  And now in my fourth term in the grand high senate to have my own home land turned topsy-turvy like a rolling hedgehog.  Now I am ashamed.  Ashamed I moved up to the senate, to the castle, and never saw what was happening in the streets so far below my very own tower window. 6_ASSIGNMENT SOUND    RESTAURANT MAITRE D'    [french and very sneery] Two?  You? VIC    Inspectors.  Checking fire escapes.  Just passing through. MAITRE D'     Oui oui.  I see.  SOUND    THEY WALK, NOISE FADES A BIT IN HALLWAY GRETAL    [suspicious] Meisterburger sent us here? VIC    Captain Meisterburger said we were to meet a contact in-- SOUND    DOOR OPENS TWO WOMEN COME OUT AND WALK PAST WOMAN1    So I said to him - oh yeah?  You want me soooo bad, dad, you can get me a fur coat with snippets from every animal in the entire world! WOMAN2    You didn't! SOUND    WOMEN ARE GONE GRETAL    Tell me this is a joke so I don't gotta punch you. MIRROR    [muffled, from inside a room] It's not a joke. GRETAL    The ladies room?  We're meeting a contact in the ladies room?  AND it sounds like a guy. VIC    Check and see if there's anyone else in there. SOUND    DOOR OPENS MIRROR    If there was anyone else in here, I would hardly be talking to you, would I? GRETAL    Holy crap.  Get in here Vic.  SOUND    FEET ENTER SOUND    DOOR SHUTS GRETAL    This is Shallott of Internal Affairs. MIRROR    Oh?  Have we met before? GRETAL    Lock it. SOUND    LATCH CLICKS GRETAL    I try to keep up with whoever might be snooping on me. MIRROR    Whomever. GRETAL    WHATever.  And you wonder why I don't much go in for makeup. VIC    So ... are you in the mirror, or are you the mirror? MIRROR    Potayto - potahto.  For all that we clearly aren't going to like one another, Gretal, I've never caught a smidge of dirt on you.  And I know your uncle, who vouches for you. VIC    Who? GRETAL    [vehement] SHHH! MIRROR    And Hansel there is so uptight he squeaks.  VIC    I-- MIRROR    You two are just about the cleanest detectives we got. GRETAL    [half pleased, half disgusted] Really? VIC    Jumping Cow! MIRROR    And that's why this can't go through regular channels.  GRETAL    B-but... Captain Meisterburger? MIRROR    This is not a gossip session.  This is a briefing.  Good.  A couple of helmets out of the dickory dock district caught a petty thief - one of the Woodcutter boys - two nights ago.  GRETAL    Figures.  [knowing] Them woodcutters. MIRROR    He made a deal, and somehow lucked into talking to just the right person.  We managed to make him disappear and have kept him on ice.  We know there are still leaks - BIG leaks - in vice, so we can't turn him over to them, even though he claims he's willing to take someone to [importantly] the Gingerbread house. MOMENT OF SILENCE VIC    Gingerbread house? GRETAL    no offence, but where do you come into it? VIC    Ginger bread house? MIRROR    We want you to follow along, make sure he's not just selling us a dead cowhide in a sack, and report back.  Nothing more - except you don't talk to ANYONE but me.  Not the Captain, not your best friend. VIC    [louder] Gingerbread house? MIRROR    [sneering slightly] I forget, you haven't had to deal with REAL crimes yet.  VIC    [annoyed] I have so--! MIRROR    Gingerbread is the hottest drug on the market, and whoever is distributing it-- GRETAL    [smug] whomever. MIRROR    This new cartel is making money faster than Midas.  They're selling cheap, now, but soon as they have half the city hooked they'll jack-be-nimble the prices, and we're all going to drown in a tidal wave of crime, without even a pea green boat to paddle. VIC    And the house? MIRROR    Rumor has it there's a central refining and distribution plant, where all the baking happens.  We need to find it.  If we can call out all the kings horses and all the kings men quickly enough, there won't be time for any dormice in the department - any department - to give the high sign before we take it down. GRETAL    Hmph.  And here I thought this was gonna be a shit job. MUSIC 7_BONFIRE AMB    IN CAR GRETAL    You CAN tell me where we're going. SOUND    RUSTLE OF MAP VIC    [distracted]  No, that's ok.  Turn left. GRETAL    That wasn't a hint, it was a demand. VIC    Huh? SOUND    CAR BRAKES TO A SUDDEN STOP GRETAL    My car.  My rules.  Where are we meeting this troll? VIC    He's a woodcutter, not a troll. GRETAL    [warning] AND...? VIC    He's being kept in a safe house. SOUND    CAR STARTS AGAIN GRETAL    Hah.  You mean a dive motel near the Shoe. VIC    How did you know? GRETAL    Educated guess.  I've worked protection a few times. SOUND    A BIT OF SILENCE, A FIRE TRUCK ZOOMS PAST VIC    [hesitant] You sounded like you knew... of... the Woodcutters? GRETAL    Bad lot.  Ain't a single one of them any good in three generations.  Fell in with a bad crowd and never fell out again. SOUND    CAR SLOWS, APPROACHES FIRE TRUCK, BIG FIRE GRETAL    Let me guess.  That's the place? SOUND    RUSTLE OF MAP VIC    Uhhh... [down] yeah. 8_ELUSIVE MUSIC AMB    OUTSIDE, OBSERVING THE FIRE FROM A DISTANCE GRETAL    Humph.  They got the fire under control before it took out the shoe.  Big money always survives. VIC    Three bodies, but no way to know which unit they were pulled out of. GRETAL    Come on.  If "our friend" didn't end up burnt to cinders, he's probably long gone. VIC    I'm not so sure.  Let's walk a perimeter. SOUND    THEY START WALKING GRETAL    A Perimeter?  Fancy talk.  Bet you didn't learn that from anyone in Iambic Pentameter. VIC    I did have a life before C-A-P.  And Pattycakes are simple.  Most don't lie at all, and if they do, they don't do it well.  GRETAL    It's those big round faces.  Wide innocent eyes.  Not much to hide behind. VIC    That, and they just don't see the point.  Simple doesn’t mean stupid.  SOUND    SOMETHING CLATTERS GRETAL    [hushed rushed] Hold on.  Something up ahead. SOUND    GUN DRAWN SOUND    SHE WALKS SLOWLY SOUND    VIC DRAWS MORE SLOWLY SOUND    SUDDEN FLURRY OF MOTION - CLATTER OF METAL - RUNNING FEET AWAY. GRETAL    Come on! SOUND    RUNNING! SOUND    CHAIN LINK FENCE, CLIMB GRETAL    Damn damn damn! SOUND    HITS FENCE SOUND    VIC RUNS UP VIC    Come on, he's not too far-- GRETAL    No. VIC    But we can get him! GRETAL    That's a no go zone.   See the sign? VIC    Rampion Limited? GRETAL    Yeah.  Very private property.  Dammit! SOUND    HITS FENCE SOUND    DOG STARTS BARKING SOUND    ALARM GOES OFF GRETAL    [sarcastic and bitter]  Yeah.  That's put a shoe in the loaf. 9_HOME AGAIN SOUND    OFFICE SOUND    HAND SLAMS DOWN CAPTAIN    What have you got to say for yourselves? GRETAL    [stony] Saw someone go over the fence - we were trying to stop a break-in. CAPTAIN    Why were you even in that part of town?  VIC    [very smooth] Anonymous tip.  Said a firebug was going to hit - and when the motel went up, we thought we might be of some use. GRETAL    [a little surprised and appreciative] Yeaah. CAPTAIN    [starting low and building to a loud growl]  If there is one thing I can NOT stand, it's when my officers think they're smarter than I am! GRETAL    [quiet, but getting it] Oh hell.  [up, belligerent]  Captain, I don't think I'm smarter than you.  Just tougher and more in tune with the street. VIC    Wait!  Wait!  We can work this out! CAPTAIN    [angry low rumble] The hell you say? GRETAL    [nearly yelling] The Pied Piper could stroll back into town playing a mazurka and it would take you and three blind mice to find him! VIC    Let's talk calmly about this-- CAPTAIN    [to vic] SHUT UP! GRETAL    [to vic] SHUT UP! CAPTAIN    Give me your gun and shield.  You're suspended. GRETAL    Fine.  SOUND    RUSTLE, CLANK. VIC    Wait - I - SOUND    GRETAL STORMS OUT VIC    What ...just happened? CAPTAIN    Ask your damn partner. MUSIC A1_CAUSE OF DEATH AMB    HALLWAY SOUND    ELEVATOR PINGS, SLIDES CLOSED VIC    Hold it! SOUND     RUNNING FEET, DOOR STOPPED GRETAL    What? SOUND    VIC GETS IN, HITS BUTTON, DOOR SHUTS VIC    What was all that? GRETAL    hah.  He started it. VIC    [concerned] So... what will you do now? GRETAL    Hmm?  Oh, go to the morgue. VIC    Uh.... why? GRETAL    See Juniper.  Find out what happened at the fire. VIC    But... you're suspended. GRETAL    [shrug] We only need your badge to get around. MUSIC AMB    GINGER'S OFFICE SOUND    DOOR OPENS GINGER    Ah, Fleet.  How comes the army? FLEET    Fifteen more, [clears throat] though one stuck and ... and lost part of an arm. GINGER    [furious] Who's responsible? FLEET    [cowering] It was an accident!  Um, uh - not enough butter! GINGER    [vicious, but calming] See that it doesn't happen again.  FLEET    Yes Ma'am. GINGER    Are they all ready to run? FLEET    [important] It's what we're made for. MUSIC AMB    MORGUE SOUND    DOOR OPENS JUNIPER    [squawky voice]  Stay out! GRETAL    Is that any way to talk to detectives? JUNIPER    Oh, it's you.  Fine.  But I'm in the middle of a post mortem. GRETAL    Aw, crap... VIC    Interesting.  Do we get to see a body? GRETAL    Hell no. SOUND    DOOR OPENS, SOMETHING BEING WHEELED OUT. GRETAL    Hey Juney.  We're here about the dead Woodcutter. JUNIPER    Why am I not surprised? VIC    Can we see the body? GRETAL    [aside] Shut up.  [to Juney]  What can you tell us about how he got dead? JUNIPER    Aren't you suspended? GRETAL    Yesss... Show him your badge, Hansel. JUNIPER    Aawk.  I know you're good for it.  How's your uncle doing? GRETAL    [forced joviality] Hey Vic, maybe you can take a look at the vic's - uh, victim's - belongings. JUNIPER    Dr. Fell will take you through. FELL    [grumpy humph] Come on.  Moron. SOUND    FEET, DOOR SHUTS GRETAL    Pattycakes?  Even here? JUNIPER    Where else will they get to practice?  Dead folks are notoriously unbiased.  Now.  How is your uncle? GRETAL    Taking it hard, I guess.  Haven't really had a chance to check in.  JUNIPER    [squawk of sympathy]  GRETAL    [shaking it off] So?  Woodcutter? JUNIPER    Didn't die in the fire.  The other bodies found with him had inhaled smoke - not him.  GRETAL    Someone killed him and set it to hide their tracks? JUNIPER    Speculation, but sound.  When you look over his things, get a whiff and tell me if you smell-- FELL    [from off] Aw hell! GRETAL    Crap. SOUND    FEET, SLAMS OPEN DOOR GRETAL    [disgusted] Aw, Vic, what are you doing? VIC    [calm] Just wanted to see a corpse.  [shrug noise]  GRETAL    Get a good whiff and then c'mon.  we're leaving. MUSIC SOUND    IN CAR VIC    Do you mind if I smoke? GRETAL    Roll down the window.  A pipe?  VIC    Bad habit.  Picked it up while undercover with Old King Cole. SOUND    MATCH, LIGHTING GRETAL    Am I going to have to bust you on a narco tip? VIC    [laughs, then changes the subject] I've never met a coroner before.  Are they generally large birds? GRETAL    You'd be surprised.  Juniper's cousin covers the next duchy over. VIC    Juniper? GRETAL    His real name is something unpronounceable in bird talk - so we call him Juniper.  For the tree he lives in.  Don't sell him short.  He's a dab hand at spotting any kind of hanky panky. VIC    Ah.  And you call him Juney? GRETAL    [evasive] He's an old friend of the family. VIC    [knowing] Ah.  GRETAL    [quickly, covering] What did you find out?  [disgusted] Apart from it smells like barbecue. VIC    Actually, the smoke had an entirely different tang to it.  Something sickly sweet.  Can't quite put my finger on it. GRETAL    Ew.  How can you be so calm?  VIC    [defensive] Just am.  [quickly changing the subject] I found two potential clues in his stuff, though.  GRETAL    Go on. VIC    He had a white pebble stuck in his shoe, and a pocketful of bread crumbs.  GRETAL    [disdainful snort] Huh.  Toast. VIC    I don't think so.  If I'm correct, I recognize the bread - a special brand of coarse sourdough ...popular with pattycakes.  MUSIC AMB    ST. IVES, THE PATTYCAKE QUARTER SOUND    JUMPROPE RHYME LIKE CHANTING IN THE BACKGROUND, CROWD GRETAL    Figures.  St. Ives is the center of most of the city's crime. VIC    [annoyed, but quiet] And 90% of it is run by Proseys. GRETAL    [sharp] What did you say? VIC    Nothing.  Just that crime hides here, it doesn't always start here. GRETAL    So YOU say. VIC    You can think whatever you want, but let me do the talking. GRETAL    Yeah, whatever. VIC    This is my beat.  [a little down] Was.  Don't worry.  My best contact isn't someone you'll have to rhyme to. MUSIC RUMPY    You want WHAT? VIC    You know, and I know, that you know everything and everyone, Mr. Stiltskin.  RUMPY    You know I've been getting out of the game, Hansel.  Too old. SOUND    HAND SLAMMED ON TABLE GRETAL    [pissed] Look!  Can you or can't you tell us where to find this Gingerbread house? VIC    Gretal! RUMPY    [unruffled] It's not so much a question of can I, but rather will I or won't I.  What's in it for me?  GRETAL    Public spirit? RUMPY    [laughs] VIC    Same old.  I'll owe you one, and you've cashed in plenty of my markers before. RUMPY    And all you want me to do is get you to the center of operations for the biggest dope ring in town? GRETAL    Yeah.  Peanuts. RUMPY    How's your friend Wulf adjusting to his new partner there, [very deliberately, hinting something] Miss Gretal? VIC    Hmm? GRETAL    [worried, but not sure] Dunno.  Haven't had a chance to -- [breaks off, annoyed again] What are you insinuating? RUMPY    Nothing, nothing...  [thinking noise]  Tell you what, I'll make a few calls, see what I can find out.  Meet me behind the Cutlery Café in an hour. VIC    Good. SOUND    FEET, DOOR, AS THEY LEAVE HIM GRETAL    [snort] You trust him? VIC    He's very good. GRETAL    And you're not afraid he's gonna do something stupid. VIC    [oddly hollow] I'm not afraid at all.  [up]  Should we report to Shallott?  Maybe we should pick up a hand mirror to keep in touch. GRETAL    Don't work like that.  Has to be a certain size and quality.  Why d'you think bathroom mirrors are so crappy? VIC    Ah. MUSIC SOUND    ALLEY GRETAL    I see alleys are the same all over. VIC    Yes. GRETAL    Why's it called the cutlery café?  Got a lot of sharp cheddar on the menu? VIC    [slight laugh] Nah.  The dish and the spoon who run it just like alliteration. GRETAL    [annoyed sigh]  [suddenly up, gasp]   Did you hear something? SOUND    DISTANT CRUNCH OF A FOOTSTEP, VERY QUIET VIC    No...  [long sniff, then realizing] THAT's what I smelled. GRETAL    What? SOUND    ATTACK - PEOPLE RUNNING INTO ALLEY! VIC    [with horror] Gingerbread! SOUND    BIG SCUFFLE SOUND    THUMP MUSIC FADES IN AS THEY WAKE UP GINGER    EVIL CHUCKLE GRETAL    [waking up, grunt, oww!!!] VIC    [weak] Lay still.  Breathe. GINGER    I don't like cops, do I, Fleet? FLEET    [deep creepy chuckle] No, Boss. GINGER    Except ones that I own... VIC    [calm, curious] I'm guessing we're not the first ones you've... entertained here? [hinting for her name] Miss...? GRETAL    What are you--? VIC    Shh. GINGER    [pleased, superior] Just call me Ginger.  What makes you ask? VIC    Well... I assume this big metal cage isn't something you just had lying around.  GINGER    [big throaty sexy laugh]  Good point.  But I might not use it exclusively for police.  VIC    Let me guess.  Business rivals?  People who owe you money?  [very knowing] Boy toys?  Tough Cookies? GINGER    [snappish and annoyed] I'll leave you to ponder that.  Fleet? FLEET    Boss? GINGER    Did you get their weapons? FLEET    [whispered] no fingers, boss. GINGER    Damn.  Take this-- SOUND    SNATCHES UP SOMETHING FROM THE DESK, HANDS IT OVER GINGER    --and cover them while I disarm them.  [muttering to self as she crosses to he cage] ...really need to perfect that recipe.  VIC    There's always prosthetics. GINGER    What? VIC    You could make hands that mount onto their arms. GINGER    Hmm.... GRETAL    Don't help the crime boss! GINGER    Hand over your weapons.  You can’t shoot between the bars anyway.  Magic. GRETAL    Why I oughtta--! VIC    Just do it.  That frosted maniac may not have fingers, but I suspect that shotgun was made for his kind. FLEET    You bet. GRETAL    Hell. SOUND    GUN HANDED OVER GINGER    And yours. VIC    Here. GINGER    Hmph.  [insulting] Kind of... small. VIC    I spend a lot of time undercover. GINGER    Hmph.  Okay Fleet, round up the troops. FLEET    [plaintive] I don't get to kill them? GINGER    Maybe later.  Maybe just her.  [as she leaves] I might keep him around, give him a taste of the product - fatten him up a bit. SOUND    DOOR SHUTS VIC AND GRETAL    [sigh in relief] SOUND    DOOR OPENS GINGER    [from off] Leave Stumpy to guard them.  Make him earn his keep. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS ENTER GRETAL    [musing] I don't think I'll ever eat a Gingerbread man again.  [hushed, but to Vic] Nice mess we're in.  Your contact set us up. VIC    [shrug] He only promised to get us in.   And ...he did. GRETAL    Count your fingers, toes and your children? VIC    Kinda.  But he's usually a bit more ... self-serving. GRETAL    I think I can reach the lock.  Got anything I can pick it with? VIC    Nothing. GRETAL    Well Dammit. STUMPY    Shut up in there! VIC    We'll just have to wait. GRETAL    [thinks, sigh of decision, then angry] If there is ONE thing I cannot stand, it's your defeatist attitude! VIC    [baffled by the sudden attack]  What? GRETAL    It's like I have to do everything in this damn partnership! STUMPY    I said shut up!  Or I'll shut you up! VIC    [getting it] Oh!  [angry sounding, but not too convincing]  Oh yeah?  Well, if you would just take a minute to think instead of running ahead like a... like a ... GRETAL    Bull in a china shop? VIC    No, a-- GRETAL    Giant round of cheese, rolling downhill and crushing all in my path? VIC    No!  a -- STUMPY    [very close] Juggernaut of disaster? VIC    No!  GRETAL    Who cares?  I'm going to kill you, and there's nothing this - this one-armed bandit can do to stop me! SOUND    SCUFFLE VIC    [not very convincing in pain] Ow!  Ow!  Ow! STUMPY    Boss said to take care of him.  SOUND    CAGE DOOR UNLOCKS STUMPY    Not you. GRETAL    [whisper] On three! VIC    [whisper] right! [up] Ow!  You're killing me!! GRETAL    I'm going to tear you in three - One, Two, Three! SOUND    GUNSHOT, CRACKING OF BROKEN GINGERBREAD GRETAL    What?  Where'd you get a gun? VIC    I never gave it up.  Is it "dead"? GRETAL    Not sure where to look for a pulse on a Gingerbread man.  But he has gone all floppy.  VIC    Seems logical.  All the same, let's lock him in. SOUND    FEET, CAGE DOOR LOCKS SOUND    BIG DOOR OPENING SLOWLY SOUND    DISTANT GUNSHOTS VIC    What do you think that is? WULF    [DISTANT ATTACK ROAR] GRETAL    [chuckle, very pleased] The cavalry. MUSIC SOUND    BIG OVEN FIRE, CLOSE SOUND    [OFF] FOOTSTEPS COMING GINGER    Damn.  Fleet!  Keep them back! FLEET    Right.  Men! SOUND    SHOTGUNS COCK MUSIC CUT TO    OUT IN HALL GRETAL    Do you still hear Wulf back there?  VIC    No. WULF    [DISTANT GROWLY ROAR] VIC    Yes.  Still far, though. GRETAL    Damn.  We may have that witch nailed down in the baking room, but with just us, and just your gun, we don't have a hope of taking her in. VIC    I see. GRETAL    How did you get your gun back anyway? VIC    Later.  Did you see how many of her gingerbread minions she has with her? GRETAL    Half a dozen maybe.  They all kinda look alike. VIC    Take the gun.  I have an idea. MUSIC OVEN ROOM GINGER    Did you see how many of them there were? FLEET    No, boss.  Just heard guns, and rushed you in here, as per evacuation plan 7-- SOUND    SPRINKLERS COME ON FLEET    Noooooooooo! OTHER GB MEN    [horrified reaction]  Not the sprinklers! GINGER    Damn!  I knew there was a reason I meant to have those replaced! SOUND    FLOPS AND SPLASHES AS THE MEN FALL APART SOUND    DOOR KICKED IN GRETAL    Hands up!  You're under arrest, witch! GINGER    Never! SOUND    OPENS HUGE OVEN GINGER    You'll never take me alive, coppers! VIC    Here comes Wulf! GRETAL    Step away from the oven! GINGER    [laughs maniacally, then screams as she steps into the oven] GRETAL    Oh crap!  I can't believe she -- VIC    Don't get too close! SOUND    FIRE WHOOSHES UP MUSIC SOUND    BAR VIC    How did you happen to show up at the right moment, anyway? WULF    A snitch.  VIC    [knowing] Should I guess his name? WULF    Slipped a word to us. GRETAL    Us?  Oh, right, your new partner. WULF    Gander's a well made sword.  Cut a righteous swath of his own against those crusty fellows. GRETAL    Where is he? VIC    Here he comes. GANDER    Thought I'd grab drinks for all us here; Hope everybody wants a beer. SOUND    SETTING DOWN DRINKS WULF    Sit down!  You're a warrior, not a wife! GRETAL    [a little brusque] Beer's good.  Thanks. VIC    How are you finding detective work? GANDER    Oh... The work is interesting, fine. And they'll get used to me in time. VIC    I'm sure they will. GRETAL    [Gulps down her beer] We gotta get going.  SOUND    THEY WALK AWAY CAPTAIN    Just the two I was looking for. GRETAL    Oh boy. CApTAIN    They got the oven shut down. GRETAL    And? VIC    May I guess? CAPTAIN    Uh, sure. VIC    No body.  CAPTAIn    They think maybe it was hot enough-- GRETAL    To destroy the corpse?  Nah.  It was her escape route.  Shoulda known.  She went in too easily. CAPTAIn    Watch your back, Gretal.  Hansel, you too.  Oh, and... SOUND    METAL CLINK CAPTAIN    You probably need this. GRETAL    Always a pleasure.  Feel naked without it. MUSIC AMB    CAR VIC    You need to cut that guy some slack. GRETAL    Who? VIC    The new guy. GRETAL    Who died and made you wise woman? VIC    He just walks up and you start edging toward the door. GRETAL    [growls] My problem, not yours. VIC    We are partners now.  Su problemo es mi problemo. GRETAL    Whatever.  [changing the subject] So?  The gun?  How'd you still have it when we were locked up? VIC    Oh that.  I never gave it up. GRETAL    But that witchy boss chick? VIC    Gave her my pipe instead. GRETAL    And she couldn’t tell the difference? VIC    I noticed she was very nearsighted.  [tsks]  These vain women - afraid glasses will ruin their looks. *****************************