Why do I experience things differently to others? Why are the decisions I make different to others? Is there something wrong with me?

No – there isn’t anything wrong with you!

With a brain smaller than a melon, how do we make sense of everything happening around us?

Navigating the world for the majority of us is seamless and boundless, and rarely do we need to ask the question about how we actually navigate the endless possibilities and actually make it to the end of the day without major incident.

Think about the millions if not billions of parallel logistical actions involved to allow someone to travel to a foreign country. From the earning of the local currency, allowing another to act on the transaction, to the engineers keeping a plane, boat, and train in serviceable condition to the international timekeeping universals. All working in harmony to enable a person to move from one location to another seamlessly without, in most cases, fault or error.

https://benjaminbonetti.co.uk/blogs/news/you-are-warped-your-reality-isn-t-real 

There is little doubt that there is something special about embarking on an adventure into the unknown and experiencing the world with new eyes.

It is universally agreed that feeding the soul with the unknown prompts our interest to push further into those areas we once thought were I’m-possible, most of my ahah moments have come when pushed to realise aspects of myself previously unknown.

https://benjaminbonetti.co.uk/blogs/news/adventure-travel-is-good-for-you-and-even-better-when-shared

When low-status males have no chance of accessing females via traditional routes such as fighting or signalling their prowess, they may attempt more deceptive means of getting a mate.

It was originally thought that in some species such as deer and gorillas, only the dominant male mates successfully. But, through direct observation and extended research, it is now known that often other males successfully mate when they can find the opportunity – through the Sneaky Fuckers Strategy.

The technical term for this behaviour is kleptogamy, Kleptogamy (derived from the Greek klepto "to steal", and gamos "marriage". is a behaviour pattern in which males which lack attractive characteristics attempt to mate with females by means of deceptive behaviour.

Of course when it is used in my daily context it has nothing to do with reproduction or the selection of a mate, but the behaviours that some will adopt in order to gain an advantage from a place of weakness. I am sure most can think immediately of a Sneaky Fucker within their own life without too much trouble.

This successful mating strategy was also documented in the Giant cuttlefish.

In Darwin's Origin of a Species, he lays the foundation of the sexual selection theory, whereby some individuals are able to have higher reproductive success as a result of being able to outcompete for mates.

The "sneaky fucker theory" flies in the face of the precepts of the sexual selection theory, and sets up a scenario where successful mating is not necessarily limited by the ability to attract a mate.

John Maynard Smith cited the example of the red deer where subordinate males will take advantage of a mating opportunity while the dominant males are engaged within the Rut and thus their attention is distracted, something that I have personally witnessed in the Scottish Highlands.

#therapist #Therapists #therapistlife #therapistsofinstagram #therapistproblems #therapistsrock #therapisttalks #therapistfeature #therapistessex #therapistdiaries #therapistadvice

https://benjaminbonetti.co.uk/blogs/news/sneaky-f-uckers-strategy-kleptogamy-how-the-data-changed-to-suit-the-narrative

Just over 7.6 billion minds will be active within one rotation of a 24hr clock.

That’s some serious calorie intake, with the average brain requiring between 400-500 calories per day that is a whole lot of noughts.

7,600,000,000 x 400 = 3.04e+12

While it is natural to assume and believe that we are independent operators, in control of our thoughts, navigating within a conscious decision making space, operating in a rich web of interaction with one another, it is worth considering the following;

Our common-sense notion of reality is that our senses; the eyes, ears, nose, and fingertips pick up objective reality, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Smells, sounds, and colours do not actually exist in the outside world, an Ant for example doesn’t know the colour blue and a tree isn’t aware of the feeling found from an orgasm.

https://benjaminbonetti.co.uk/blogs/news/what-is-reality-it-is-time-to-rethink-what-you-believe-to-be-true

I’ve been guilty of this myself, remaining friends with those for far too long, putting myself in situations that weren’t aligned with whom I am with no real validation for doing so.

Just like intimate relationships; the investment in friendships contract, evolve stagnate and in some cases become toxic. So why is it difficult to step away from a friendship, even if it becomes unhealthy, toxic, or just unsatisfying.

Why do we stay in relationships when they clearly stop working for us?

You have a past that has emotional value.

BFF, ‘best friends forever’ is a phrase that you’d expect to hear in a primary school playground, however I’ve seen it permeate into the lives of those you’d least expect.

While the nostalgia attached to childhood friendships can lead to closeness that endures and grows over time, it can also hinder the separation process when that friendship stops feeling mutual or fails to evolve.

It’s not the breaking up that is hard, it’s the drama that follows that will haunt you years after – this isn’t validation to stay.

Childhood friends may stay friends because they feel guilty for violating the sacred bond of a friendship. Even the ability to say “we’ve been friends for 20 years” can make exiting a friendship more difficult – especially if at the decision making end.

https://benjaminbonetti.co.uk/blogs/news/when-is-the-right-time-to-end-a-friendship-or-relationship

Suppressing emotions is an interesting topic and usually a key talking point during the early stages of client sessions and for very good reason.

If you don’t face suppressed emotions, you’ll stay stuck in getting over it mentality, and it’ll become impossible for you to heal.

I’m going to jump straight to the solution – find an outlet. Avoid the temptation to rely on another to become, or be the solution to finding resolve or emotional release. It is not their responsibility – it is yours.

https://benjaminbonetti.co.uk/blogs/news/why-suppressing-emotions-isn-t-a-good-idea-why-you-should-listen

Building a coping mechanism to channel emotions is the better alternative than attempting to suppress or diverts emotions into other aspects or areas of life, which are working. This is sadly, and usually what happens – sabotaging the positives in order to provide an emotional boost.

Avoid at all costs contaminating the good in your life.

For most – emotions (movements) overtake our bodies and minds, and all we can do is act on them or wait for them to pass – the issue in large, is they don’t have a clock; time release and the waiting may be difficult.

At other times, we are able to suppress emotions. It is not only that we fail to act, we do not let ourselves experience them or at least not fully. Ignoring and suppressing that coiled spring well in the knowledge that it will rear its head one day.

Mislabelling.

For most, blocking the experience of an emotion by mislabelling it is the fastest way to ‘move on’. Sometimes, we label sadness as anger, because sadness is weakness — it shows another’s power to inflict on us an unknown injury, pain and discomfort — while anger preserves our dignity and allows us to demonstrate strength.

We may, conversely, interpret anger as sadness, especially when we see anger as inappropriate, as when people are angry at the loss of a loved one. In such cases, we allow ourselves to feel something but not the truth.

In these cases of mislabelling, you might believe that the pain is long gone, but it only moved from the conscious to the subconscious mind where it gained more power over your behaviour.

https://benjaminbonetti.co.uk/blogs/news/why-suppressing-emotions-isn-t-a-good-idea-why-you-should-listen

It is only since the onset of the agricultural age some 10,000 years ago that we began domesticating our lands. In just a few generations, mostly within that of my grandparents to the present day, everything dramatically changed – and there can be little argument to say for the better.

“There is a wealth of research that illustrates how disconnection from nature is linked to mental and physical illness”

Society has become increasingly industrialised and urbanised, with most of us deeply disconnected from the natural world– I’m not going to get all Greta Thunberg on you, but right now might be the best time to adopt some ancestral norms and have a plan to reconnect to nature, no matter how small.

https://benjaminbonetti.co.uk/blogs/news/the-importance-of-connecting-with-nature-your-mental-wellbeing-depends-on-it 

Mental Health Transference

An area that is often a secondary consideration, as the focus naturally is targeted towards the patent, are the children of those under medical care. We are fortunate here in the U.K to have specific safeguarding measures, to protect children, but with a system overwhelmed, I think the transference and real struggle for mental health professionals is on the horizon.

Within this article I want to explore going beyond the ‘my’ struggles, looking at the ‘me-to-them’ transference, from parent to child, specifically Munchausen Syndrome.

Munchausen syndrome by proxy is a mental health issue where the ‘parental / guardian’ figure (not always the case but for the sake for this article we’ll use this description), creates a false illness or injury in a vulnerable person, under their care.

Hannah Turtle was convicted of murdering her seven-week-old son James in June 2016, in her sentencing hearing heard that she was suffering with the condition. Up to 500 cases of it a year in the U.K may be going undetected, according to research.

Because vulnerable people are the victims, it is a form of abuse and in many situations missed by health care professionals (vastly not due to competence but due to workload or the manipulation from the patient). Since the majority of cases are usually linked between mother and child, I will describe that relationship within the context of this article.

Examples, Munchausen Syndrome by proxy

Children who are victims of Munchausen syndrome by proxy can have lifelong physical and emotional problems and may have Munchausen syndrome as adults, the victim becoming the abuser.

There is little evidence that defines one reason for the adoption of this negative trait, but it could be linked to problems during the abuser's childhood. Abusers feel like their life is out of control, randomly looking for purpose, often have poor self-esteem and can't deal with stress or anxiety.

The attention, significance and purpose they receive from having a sick child may encourage their behaviour, ultimately receiving the attention from persons who wouldn’t normally be within their community or social network.

#therapist #Therapists #therapistlife #therapistsofinstagram #therapistproblems #therapistsrock #therapisttalks #therapistfeature #therapistessex #therapistdiaries #therapistadvice

https://benjaminbonetti.co.uk/blogs/news/munchausen-syndrome-by-proxy-parents-take-note-during-covid-19

Impostor syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you fail to make the grade in comparison to others, your surroundings or achievements. It is linked to comparison, perfectionism and the social environment in which you live or are linked.

Simply, imposter syndrome is the experience of feeling like your life is nothing but founded on lies and deceit —you feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a fraud, like you don't belong where you are, and you only got there through the efforts of others or mysterious luck.

Yes, if you are thinking it then it is, but wait a few moments and you’ll be back track and it won’t be. While impostor syndrome is not a recognised disorder it is estimated that over 70% of adults will experience at least one short-lived episode within their life, with usual links to expectations from family or ‘significant’ life role models.

Imposter syndrome can be a state that anyone can adopt and without any real validation or reason for the shift - unless you are consciously setting out to deceive. It can affect anyone no matter the social status, profession, wealth, health etc, so you are not alone.

The term that was first used by psychologists Suzanna Imes and Pauline Rose Clance in the 1970’s. When the idea of imposter syndrome was introduced, it was originally thought to apply mostly to women within prominent social positions. Since then, it has been recognised as more widely experienced irrelevant of gender, race, sexuality or belief.

https://benjaminbonetti.co.uk/blogs/news/feel-like-you-are-an-imposter-you-are-probably-right

#failure #failureisnotanoption #failures #failureleadstosuccess #failureisnotaoption #failureisntanoption #failuretosuccess #failureisanoption #failuresurvivor #failurefriday #failuretothrive #failuretocommunicate #FailureRehab #failureisnotanoptionforme #failureandsuccess

Covid is by far the most searched keyword on the Internet, and something that will be for a long time. It is important therefore to ensure that your psychological toolbox is packed ready and able to deploy at a moments notice…

When you notice your state tipping to a place where you’d rather not be, you’ll be equipped to do something about it.

Here are some areas for focus and consideration, not all will make sense or be relevant to you right now and that isn’t important, what can be said, is that by reading, completing and storing the answers or strategies, you’ll know where to look when the time comes.

Stressed. Why? Understand the reasons why-you-do-what-you-do then work out a way that suits the end result. Be practical with the solution and keep things simple. Remember, the more resources you have to vent your issues the greater the handling capacity for those resources. Choose one and they / it will become overwhelmed very quickly.

Tired of feeling alone? Explore various online groups around topics that interest you, or perhaps not. Try something abstract and avoid immediately opting for social media to be the solution.

Helpless and struggling with health? Find an online forum of individuals that have achieved the intention you’ve set out. Tip, avoid mixing with those faced with the same dilemmas; you’ll just reinforce the reasons why you cant. Want to learn lose weight? Join an ultra running group, not weight watchers.

Uncertainty is going to be the main stressors over the next few years, something I’ve mentioned in detail within a previous articles. Uncertainty about the future, uncertainty about our relationships, uncertainty about our safety, uncertainty about our own emotions and the list goes on.

Find stability and use that as your rebound when you have a moment of fear, worry or have adopted a negative state. Rooting yourself on the controllable is a good way to build the momentum needed to increase that level of stability.

Push to the max and back off to safety, do this enough times and your stability baseline will increase, allowing you to move through future obstacles as quickly as they arrive.

https://benjaminbonetti.co.uk/blogs/news/a-psychological-toolbox-for-covid-19-how-to-deal-with-uncertainty

#anxiety #anxietyhelp #anxietyrelief #anxietydisorder #anxietyattack #anxietysucks #anxietyrecovery #anxietyfree #anxietyawareness #anxietysupport #anxietyattacks #anxietyproblems #anxietyanddepression #anxietyreducer #anxietyrelieving #anxietydiary #anxietymanagement #covid19anxiety