When was the last time you asked yourself what you actually want? Not what your kids need, what makes the most sense for your family, what you should do next, or what everyone else thinks is a good idea. What do you want? 

I’ve been sitting with that question after someone recently told me I still wasn’t choosing myself. My first reaction was, are you kidding me? I left a seven-figure business at 45, started over, launched this podcast, and began building something I genuinely care about. But then I realized how often I was still looking outside myself for answers. And it made me wonder how many of us have become so good at knowing what everyone else needs that we’ve forgotten how to hear ourselves.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The comment that made me question whether I was actually choosing myself
• Why making big changes in your life doesn’t automatically mean you’ve learned to trust your own voice
• How years of motherhood, caretaking, advocating, working, and managing everyone’s needs can make it surprisingly hard to answer, “What do I want?”
• Why figuring out your next chapter doesn’t have to begin with finding your purpose or mapping out the next five years
• The smaller questions I think are far more interesting right now, including what sounds fun, what you’re curious about, and what would bring you joy
• Why wanting something for yourself can feel uncomfortable when you’ve spent years automatically considering everyone else first
• What breweries have to do with all of this and why there may need to be a Not Done Yet brewery experience in our future

You don’t need to walk away from this episode knowing exactly what you want to do with the rest of your life. Maybe that’s putting way too much pressure on the question. Instead, start paying attention again. 

Ask yourself what sounds fun, what you’re curious about, or what you keep wanting even when there’s no practical reason for wanting it. Your answer might not come immediately, especially if you haven’t asked yourself in years. 

For now, the point is to start asking again: What do I want?

And if you know another woman who needs this reminder today, send her this episode because none of us were meant to carry midlife alone.

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark 

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark 

Who decided I was behind?

If you've ever looked around and thought...

"Everyone else seems further ahead than me."

This episode is for you.

This week, I'm unpacking something I've been quietly carrying myself: the feeling that somehow I'm behind.

Behind financially.

Behind professionally.

Behind compared to everyone else who seems to have life figured out.

But after an honest conversation with my sister about saving for our kids' college—and realizing the story I'd been telling myself wasn't even true—I started asking a different question:

Who decided I was behind in the first place?

In this episode, we talk about the invisible timeline so many of us are measuring ourselves against, why comparison is usually based on stories we've created, and why what feels like failure is often grief for the life we imagined we'd have by now.

We talk about:

•  Why so many women feel like they're "behind" in midlife 
•  The invisible timeline we've inherited without realizing it 
•  The vulnerable conversation I had about college savings and the assumptions I was making 
•  Why comparison is almost always based on incomplete information 
•  The difference between failure and grief 
•  Learning to stop measuring your life against someone else's highlight reel 
•  A simple question to ask the next time comparison creeps in 

A question to take with you:

The next time you catch yourself thinking someone else is further ahead...

Ask yourself:

"Do I actually know that's true?"

Because maybe...

You're not behind at all. Maybe you're exactly where you're meant to be.

If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you.

Come find me on Instagram and tell me:

When have you felt "behind"... only to realize you were comparing yourself to a story you'd made up?

And if you know another woman who needs this reminder today, send her this episode. Because none of us were meant to carry midlife alone.

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark 

Have you ever felt like your brain has 27 tabs open before you've even had your first cup of coffee?

One minute you're thinking about your body.
The next it's your kids.
Then money.
Then your parents.
Then retirement.
Then your marriage.
Then the question that never quite goes away...

Who am I now?

This episode was inspired by something a friend texted me:

I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

In this episode, we're talking about the invisible mental load so many midlife women carry—and why it feels like we're constantly juggling everyone else's needs while quietly wondering what's happened to ourselves.

If you've ever thought...

• Why am I so overwhelmed all the time?
• Why can't I seem to focus anymore?
• Why do I feel exhausted before my day has even started?
• Am I the only one carrying all of this?

...this conversation is for you.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why "five people live in my head" perfectly describes midlife.
• The invisible mental load women carry every single day.
• Why so many of us think something is wrong with us when we're actually navigating a massive life transition.
• The identity shift nobody prepared us for.
• Why the question "Who am I now?" may be the quietest—and most important—voice in your head.

Most of all, I hope this episode reminds you of one thing:

You are not the only one.

Mentioned in this episode

✨ Join the Not Done Yet community:
https://rachelaperry.com/notdoneyet

✨ Ready to stop carrying it all alone? Book a Not Done Yet Session:
https://rachelaperry.com/session

If this episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you shared it with another woman who's been carrying more than she lets on. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can hear is simply...

"Same."

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark 

Rachel's parents are downsizing, and they just handed her a manila folder full of old report cards. Reading them out loud cracked open a story she didn't know she was still carrying: one teacher's comment, repeated year after year, that quietly followed her into every business she's ever built.

In this episode:

• The report card folder that cracked open a revelation
• The same two comments, written by one teacher, six years running
• Why she was a C student who felt clueless, and what she wonders about it now
• The familiar voice that shows up every time she puts herself out there
• How it connects to last week's episode on not choosing herself
• Why none of it had to be malicious to become part of her identity
• An awkward moment at a party when someone said they'd listened to the podcast
• The comparison habit almost all of us are still carrying
• Burning the folder, and what her mom said about it
• What "not working up to your potential" even means, and who decides that
• How her own struggle helped her catch her kids' learning differences early
• A message from her old orchestra teacher that flipped her perception
• This week's question: whose voice are you still trying to prove wrong?

Connect with Rachel:

• Website: rachelaperry.com
• Instagram: @rachelaperry
• TikTok: @rachelaperry

If this one hit close to home, send it to a woman in your life who's still trying to prove someone wrong. She's not done yet either.

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark 

This one gets a little woo, and I'm not sorry about it. I've been doing deep subconscious work lately, and something came up that genuinely surprised me. I thought I was choosing myself. Turns out, on a much deeper level, I wasn't. This episode is me being fully transparent about what I found, why it matters, and how it might be showing up in your life too.

In this episode:

• The energy work that led me to a truth I did not see coming, that I wasn't actually choosing myself
• Why my business went quiet right when I knew what I was offering was life changing, and what I realized was really going on underneath
• The difference between the surface level want and the underground belief, and why the belief almost always wins
• Real patterns I'm seeing over and over in Spark Reviews, the woman who wants to write a book but fears no one will read it, the woman who keeps finding reasons not to post
• Where these deeper beliefs actually come from, and why they're not weakness, they're protection
• My client Linda and the courage it took her to finally write her book
• The simple daily practice I'm doing to retrain my brain that I am worthy of being chosen, and a challenge for you to do it with me

If this is you, I would love for you to share this episode with another midlife sister who needs to hear it. And if you've got two minutes, a review means more to me than you know.

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark 

This episode almost didn't happen the way you're hearing it. I scrapped the first recording after a rough weekend and came back with something more real. It's a love letter to every midlife woman doing more than anyone gives her credit for, and a reminder that showing up in the middle of the chaos is its own kind of superpower.

In this episode:

• The funk I couldn't explain on Thursday, and the honest conversation I had with Mark that followed
• Why "is it hormones or is it just life" might be the most common question in midlife, even on HRT
• What happened when I went looking for inspiration in the magazine aisle at Barnes & Noble
• The Helen Mirren quote that stopped me mid-page (aging versus the alternative)
• The menopause symptom list that made me think "men could never," and why that's not a hate men moment
• My friend who just closed a 20 year fitness studio, and what that ending is actually the beginning of
• Why midlife women are the superheroes of their own stories, and it's time we said it out loud

If this episode hit something in you, send it to a midlife woman who needs to hear it today. Because sister, you are not done yet.

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark 

Rachel cracks open the belief that keeps showing up disguised as concern, judgment, or a raised eyebrow: that a midlife woman saying "it's my turn" is somehow too much. It started with a TikTok clip of Michelle Obama answering one question with one word, me, and the eye roll that followed from another woman watching. Rachel unpacks why that reaction lands so hard, why women dismiss each other's wanting the same way they dismiss their own, and what actually happens when a woman finally stops waiting for everyone else's permission to choose herself.

In this episode:

• The TikTok clip that started it all: Barack Obama says "fun," Michelle says "me," and one word gets celebrated while the other gets an eye roll
• Why a woman's reaction to another woman wanting something reveals what she believes about her own right to want
• My own confession: the time I judged my brother-in-law for moving to Colorado for himself, and what I had to admit about why
• The double standard nobody says out loud: men get to put themselves first, women get told it's selfish
• Where the "selfless woman" script actually comes from, and the story about my mom and the bread basket that says it all
• Why breaking this cycle matters for your kids, whether they're watching a mom who puts herself last or one who doesn't
• The reframe that changes everything: wanting more for yourself does not mean you love your life or your family less
• What I've actually watched happen when women give themselves permission to want more, and it is not what you'd think
• The line I need you to hear twice: choosing yourself doesn't take anything away from the people you love, it gives them more of you
• The question I'd ask the woman who rolled her eyes: what answer would have felt okay to you
• Why it's your turn right now, whether you're 45, 47, or 51, and why you don't have to earn it first

Mentioned in this episode:

• Rachel's email list (with a freebie inside): rachelaperry.com
• Not Done Yet Sessions: a 90-minute conversation to figure out what you actually want, what's been stopping you, and your next step https://www.rachelaperry.com/ndysession

Connect with Rachel:

• Website: rachelaperry.com
• Instagram: @rachelaperry
• TikTok: @rachelaperry

If this one hit a nerve, send it to a woman in your life who's been talking herself out of saying "me." She's not done yet either.

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark 

Rachel sits down with Dr. Shannon Cothran, a board-certified gynecologist who left 15 years of private practice to build Menostart, a direct-to-patient practice designed entirely around perimenopause and menopause care. They get into the real reason Shannon walked away from the traditional system, the messy history behind hormone replacement therapy, and why so many women are told to just take more Zoloft instead of getting an actual answer. Rachel also shares her own story of being dismissed, shamed, and talked out of asking for hormones, and what changed once she finally got a doctor who listened. This one gets into the specifics: symptoms, timelines, testosterone hype, and what to ask for at your next appointment.

In this episode:

• My story: the doctor who wanted to just bump up my Zoloft instead of checking my hormones, and the question my husband asked me that changed everything
• Why perimenopause has over 70 identified symptoms, and how wild some of them get (a hot flash that only happens below the waist, water in your ear, joints that ache for no reason)
• The wild history of hormone replacement therapy: the book that started it, the study that scared everyone off it, and the data that got walked back decades later
• The truth about testosterone for women: what the research actually supports versus what influencers and a certain PBS documentary are hyping up, and why pellets can do real damage
• What to actually do first if you think you're in perimenopause or menopause, and what's included in Shannon's six-month program at Menostart

Mentioned in this episode:

• Menostart (Dr. Cothran's direct to patient practice for midlife women's health): www.menostart.com
• The M Factor (PBS documentary on menopause and testosterone)

Connect with Rachel:

• Website: rachelaperry.com
• Instagram: @rachelaperry
• TikTok: @rachelaperry

If this episode hit close to home, send it to the friend who's been telling you her hair is falling out and nobody will listen. She's not done yet either.

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark 

Rachel cracks open one of midlife's most disorienting experiences: the moment the world stops noticing you. Not because you've changed, but because the culture has decided you're no longer the most interesting person in the room. In this episode, she names the thing a lot of women feel but don't know how to say, and then reframes it in a way that might change how you move through it.

Rachel talks about the grief that comes with midlife invisibility (the grief we rarely give space to), the unexpected freedom on the other side, and the most important distinction she wants you to hold onto when the invisible feeling hits. Fair warning: she also mentions boobs more than once. You've been advised.

In this episode:

• The friend who warned me I'd become invisible in my 40s, and how hard I laughed at her (and then didn't)
• The three moments that made me go, okay, something has actually shifted: the store clerk, the talking-over, and the thing I almost didn't say out loud
• The grief piece we skip straight past in midlife, and why rushing to "liberation" does us a disservice
• Why feeling invisible and being irrelevant are not the same thing, not even close
• What you've built, survived, lost, and rebuilt that cannot be faked or shortcutted by anyone younger in that room
• What invisibility actually clears when the world stops tracking you, and why that space might be exactly what you needed
• The version of you that becomes visible on the other side of all of this: she knows who she is, she knows what she wants, and she is way more interesting than the one who was performing for everyone

Mentioned in this episode:

• Coming next week: an interview with a gynecologist on all things perimenopause and menopause

Connect with Rachel:

• Website: rachelaperry.com
• Instagram: @rachelaperry
• TikTok: @rachelaperry

Know a midlife woman who's been feeling this lately but hasn't had the words for it? Send this her way. She's not done yet either.

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark 

Rachel sits down with master certified life coach Katie Pulsifer for a conversation about the thing most midlife women never say out loud: that the life that looks fine from the outside doesn't always feel fine on the inside. They get into the silence, the guilt, the hollow spaces, and what actually becomes possible when you stop filling them with yes.

In this episode:

• The basement stairs moment: what it looks like to stand at the threshold of a gorgeous-looking life and still not want to walk back in
• What Katie listens for that women aren't saying, and why so many women have never told anyone the truth
• Why guilt isn't something that happens to you, it's something you subscribe to (and what you get from staying subscribed)
• The brain's actual job when you try to change your life, and why it's working against you on purpose
• What fills the hollow spaces once you stop saying yes to everything

Mentioned in this episode:

• Katie Pulsifer: katiepulsifercoaching.com
• Katie's Get Unstuck Quiz (on her homepage): personalized voice memo response from Katie
• Katie's Substack: You Are Golden

Connect with Rachel:

• Website: rachelaperry.com
• Instagram: @rachelaperry
• TikTok: @rachelaperry

If this one hit home, send it to a woman in your life who needs to hear it. She's not done yet either.

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark