This week, we have a study in the terror of the domestic. When her mom gets transferred to London for a new job, it seems Cara’s only option is to elope with her corpse boyfriend Steven. But as the date grows nearer, Cara becomes acquainted with the grim realities of what the performative act of marriage entails: negligee, whiny children, and—the most horrific of all—gay husbands. 

Meanwhile, Pardo and Robert discuss Sylvia Plath, color theory, and Hungry Man dinners in “Not Everything’s Great in Paradise” (Sweet Valley High #83, Steven’s Bride).