Not saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean ‘yes’ – Danielle

Danielle is a therapist who has also graduated from the school of life. Her earliest sexual experiences were non-consensual and impacted her for long after the events happened in implicit, explicit, and confusing ways. She found healing within a happy marriage, then suffered a miscarriage with its own series of impacts. She’s doing well now, and still loves a Reverse Cowgirl.   Danielle is a 35-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as straight, monogamous, married, and pre-menopausal.  She describes her body as athletic.   Bookmark moments: 3:10 - Danielle shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, watching Cinderella at age 4-5 and being sucked in by the “will they/won’t they” and the power of the first kiss. She recalls being seeking dedicated attention and commitment, even in pre-school. 8:00 - She has her first kiss. It’s magical until she finds out he’s kissing other girls too. 11:40 - She meets her first bad boy – a tortured-artist type. Non-consensual intercourse occurs. A lack of “no” is not a “yes.” 20:30 - The body can still have an autonomic pleasure response when there is abuse or coercion. 24:00 - Danielle talks about her first real love, her college boyfriend who is a deeply good human dude. A lot of processing of her past experiences ends up happening on his time. The Kobe Bryant assault coverage triggers her in the breakroom at work; she spontaneously recalls an assault by a group of boys at age 7. Waves of memory and pain break over her for a while. 33:27 - She opens up about what sex was like while she processed her trauma. She reclaims her sexuality within the safety and intimacy she finds with her husband. 38:10 - Danielle talks about experiencing miscarriage last year, her hopes for having children, and their marriage bed turning into a micromanagement project: how to make a baby when great sex isn’t enough, and how to prevent that from spoiling the great sex. 47:10 Danielle is curious about how people function in non-monogamous relationship styles and what this means about our ability to love and connect across the commitment and desire spectrums.   The Lowdown (53:22)   Patreon: Creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.   BE PART OF THE SHOW: Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at RateThisPodcast.com/goodgirls   Have a question or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!   Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest   FOLLOW LEAH: Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com   WORK WITH LEAH: Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching   Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty   EPISODE CREDITS: Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak