Notes: From Motherhood

Most mums get asked about the baby. Almost no one asks about her.

In this episode Jade sits down with Suzanne — a US-based mum of four grown children, doula and a student of NVC — to talk about what happens when a mother is properly listened to. Suzanne walks us through the Mom's Matter calls she runs twice a week: a small, structured Zoom where two mums each get uninterrupted time to speak about anything at all in motherhood, and are then reflected back to, asked about their feelings, asked about their needs, and finally checked in with about what's happening in their body. No advice. No teaching. No fixing.

From there the conversation opens out into some of the most useful ideas we've had on the show. Why all feelings are information rather than good or bad, and what that does to mum guilt. The difference between a need and the strategy we're using to try and meet it — and why so much of parenting is that gap. How journalling and speaking out loud do different jobs, and why doing both is not doubling up. Why signing with a baby is as good for a mother's mental health as it is for the baby's language, because naming an emotion with your whole body moves something that naming it in your head doesn't.

And then birth. Suzanne has just finished Pam England's Birth Story Medicine training, and she and Jade get into why birth stories get flattened into "it was beautiful" or "it was hard, but we got through it" — and what we lose when we do that. Jade talks about the unspoken rules we write for ourselves as children and then quietly live by for the rest of our lives, and why the most difficult birth still holds moments of strength, and the most beautiful birth still holds moments of fear.

If you've ever said "I don't want to be dramatic about it," this one is for you.

As always, this podcast does not replace therapy.

You can contact Suzanne at [email protected] and the links mentioned in this episode are below:

• Moms Matter calls, and Suzanne's work — Moms-Matter.org
• babychatt.com takes you to Suzanne's Little Hands Talking facebook page
• You can find Suzanne's Doula page at - SuzanneDecredicoDoula.com
• Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg) — cnvc.org
• Dr Yvette Erasmus, whose classes the Mom's Matter listeners all met through, and whose exercise the call format is adapted from — yvetteerasmus.com

• Pam England, Birth Story Medicine — birthstorymedicine.com
• Molly can be found at - MollyCaroMay.com
• Signing Time / Baby Signing Time (Rachel Coleman) — signingtime.com and mysigningtime.com

• Mama Inner Circle

Did you feel that instant rush of love the moment your baby was placed on your chest? Jade didn't — and on the surgical table after her emergency c-section, when the nurses offered to lay her daughter on her chest, she said "no, not right now." If you've ever carried that quiet guilt, this episode is for you.

This week on Notes From Motherhood, Jade unpacks the myth that bonding is instant and automatic — the worry she hears more than almost any other in her therapy room. You'll hear the difference between bonding and attachment, why a love that grows in slowly is no less real, and how secure attachment is actually built: not in one magical moment, but in a thousand ordinary ones — the 2am feeds, the pick-ups, the days you feel completely checked out. Jade also draws a clear, compassionate line between the normal human moments of anger and overwhelm, and the kind of ongoing harm that actually affects attachment.

If no one has told you lately: you're doing better than you think.

🎧 A gentle heads-up: this episode touches on birth trauma and difficult feelings after birth. As always, this podcast isn't a substitute for therapy.

A quick note on the science, because mums often ask whether there's a deadline. Attachment isn't a finish line a baby crosses on a particular day — it builds in stages across the first year or two. Babies form a clear, specific attachment to their main caregiver from around 7 months, a phase that runs to roughly 18–24 months. By the end of the first year those patterns are organised enough to actually be measured, which is why the standard attachment assessment, the Strange Situation, is used with babies from around 11 to 20 months. Heidi Healthclinicaltrials

But "established" doesn't mean "sealed." Attachment continues developing into the toddler years and beyond, as children come to understand that a caregiver who leaves will return. There's no window that slams shut at birth, at six weeks, or at twelve months — which is exactly why showing up over time, and repairing after the hard moments, matters so much. An early rough patch doesn't decide the outcome. ScienceDirect

On delayed bonding being completely normal

• Postpartum Support International — Mother–Infant Bonding: It's Not Always Instant. Around 1 in 5 mothers experience some difficulty bonding at first. https://postpartum.net/mother-infant-bonding-its-not-always-instant/ Endeavour Foundation

On rupture & repair / the Still Face (Ed Tronick)

• Tronick & colleagues, Infants' Meaning-Making (peer-reviewed, NIH). In Gianino & Tronick's work, mother–infant mismatches were repaired about 70% of the time at the next step, with new repairs happening every few seconds. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3135310/ Reimagine
• The Power of Discord (Tronick & Gold, 2020) — the accessible book version of the rupture-and-repair idea.

On the "good enough mother" (Donald Winnicott)

• Centre for Perinatal Psychology (AU) — The 'Good Enough' Parent. Winnicott described the good-enough mother as one whose adaptation to her baby gradually, and healthily. https://www.centreforperinatalpsychology.com.au/good-enough-parent/ Heidi Health
• Seleni Institute — The Gift of the Good Enough Mother — notes that babies actually benefit when mothers fail them in small, manageable ways — as distinct from major failures like abuse or neglect. https://seleni.org/advice-support/2018/3/14/the-gift-of-the-good-enough-mother Nswnma

On the stages of attachment

• Cleveland Clinic — Attachment Theory (Bowlby's four stages, plainly explained). https://health.clevelandclinic.org/attachment-theory

What if the hardest part of giving birth has nothing to do with the birth itself?

In this episode, Jade sits down with Emma — a mother of two and small business owner — for a tender, honest conversation about the things we carry into pregnancy, labour and motherhood long before our babies arrive.

Emma had two C-sections, four years apart, and two completely different experiences. The difference wasn't medical. It was what she came to understand about herself — and what she finally let herself say out loud. She shares what it was like to go into her first birth with her childhood trauma buried and unspoken, the obstetrician who gently saw through her at her six-week check, and how being honest the second time around changed everything.

This is a conversation about what surfaces when we're at our most vulnerable, the quiet power of telling just one trusted person, and how Emma slowly found her way back to herself — not through anything big, but through the smallest, most ordinary moments of joy.

In this episode, mama, we talk about:

• Why mental preparation matters as much as the nursery or the birth plan
• How our past can resurface in the birth room without warning
• What changes when someone helps you carry the weight
• Building a slower, more intentional life out of the need to stop people-pleasing
• Finding "her" again, years on — and why it's the little things that bring us home
• What it's really like to revisit your birth story through journaling

💛 A gentle heads up: this episode includes discussion of childhood trauma and abuse. Please take a moment to check in with yourself before listening, and come back another day if today isn't the right one. As always, Notes From Motherhood is here to walk beside you — it doesn't replace therapy.

Want to do some of this reflective work yourself? DM the word JOURNAL to @yourmamajourney.co on Instagram for a free sample of the Embracing Your Birth Journey journals.

Jade sits down with Carla — a Venezuelan-born, Montreal-based urban planner and mum to a two-year-old — for an honest, unhurried conversation about matrescence and the long, slow work of becoming a mother.

Carla doesn't sugarcoat any of it. She talks about the year of therapy before trying to conceive, the pregnancy loss that came before her son, the eighteen months of feeling "uncomfortable" in her new role, and the day she pumped breastmilk in an office bathroom and quietly wondered how any of this is actually allowed.

It's an episode full of the contradictions matrescence is built on. Carla shares the resentment she felt toward her husband — a deeply involved, loving dad — simply for being able to walk out the door. The cool mum shoes she bought to feel like herself again. The breastfeeding moment by the St Lawrence River that turned the hardest thing she's ever done into one of the most beautiful. And why she sat down and wrote her own birth story — not for anyone else, but to take back control of the words.

If you're in the thick of it right now — folding washing, breastfeeding, driving, surviving — this one's for you. Carla's parting wisdom: time is elastic. Find the small pleasures. Put the music on.

Almost every mother has told her birth story. But almost none of us have told the whole thing.

We've told the dinner party version. "It was long but fine." "Ended up being a C-section, but the baby was healthy, so." The edited, tidied-up version that fits into the space other people are comfortable holding.

Meanwhile, the full story — the one with the feelings attached, the thing the midwife said, the look on your partner's face, what you were actually thinking when they put the baby on your chest — is still sitting inside you. Shaping how you mother. Underneath the impatience, the anxiety, the quiet voice that says "maybe I'm just not cut out for this."

In this episode, I talk about why so many of us never get to tell the whole thing, the research that proves you're not imagining it, what matrescence actually is, and what starts to shift when a mother finally puts her story somewhere outside of herself.

Whether your baby is three months old or ten years old — this one's for you.

🎁 Free community, journal prompts & book chapters → Mama Inner Circle

📖 The Birth Story Journal → yourmamajourney.com

📸 Follow along → @yourmamajourney

Alexandra Sacks, TED Talk →A new way to think about the transition to motherhood

That constant checking. The "what ifs" you can't turn off. The feeling like you're the only mum experiencing this?

You're not broken. About 1 in 4 postpartum women experience maternal anxiety—and it looks different from regular worry.

In this episode, Jade (an accredited mental health social worker) explains the difference between worry and anxiety, why motherhood changes everything, and a simple technique using attention-shifting that actually helps your brain recalibrate threat signals.

You're not meant to survive motherhood in a state of fear. This is how you start to change that.

You were cleared at six weeks.

So why does your body still feel like it's trying to tell you something?

In this episode, accredited mental health social worker and mum Jade Marklew gets real about C-section recovery — starting with her own emergency surgery after sudden onset preeclampsia, and the moment she walked out of her six-week check feeling anything but healed.

Jade breaks down why the information most mums receive after a C-section is medically accurate but fundamentally incomplete — and how a system built on seven-minute appointments was never designed to guide you through what real recovery actually looks like.

You'll hear the truth about the 12-month recovery timeline your doctor didn't mention, what's actually happening to your scar, nerves, core, and pelvic floor at each stage, and why your emotional healing may not follow the same path as your physical one.

Jade also speaks honestly about birth trauma, body image, returning to sex, and why grieving the birth you didn't have doesn't make you ungrateful — it makes you human.

This episode is for every mum who's been told she should be back to normal by now.

You're not broken.

The information was just incomplete.

Notes from Motherhood is hosted by Jade Marklew, founder of Your Mama Journey. This podcast does not replace professional therapy.

Welcome to the Mama Inner Circle 'How To' Podcast Series!

TODAYS TOPIC - How to navigate transitions in motherhood!

You know that feeling when your child starts daycare or school and everyone's asking "how are THEY handling it?"—and meanwhile you're having a full identity crisis in the school car park?

When you're supposed to feel excited about finally getting time back, but instead you're crying after drop-off and wondering who you even are when you're not actively mothering someone?

Here's what no one tells you: You're not going through a transition. You're going through TWO.

In this podcast, we're using the school/daycare transition as our example, but here's the truth—every motherhood milestone works this way. Weaning, going back to work, your baby sleeping through the night, potty training, your youngest starting kindy, your teenager getting their license—every single time your child grows up a little, you're also transforming. This framework applies to all of it.

We take what we actually know about child development and attachment theory—which is solid—and combine it with the maternal psychology that gets completely ignored. Because your child's transition is visible and validated. Yours? You're just supposed to quietly disappear into the background and get on with it.

What we cover:

• Why your identity feels like it's dissolving (hello, matrescence—the becoming of a mother that no one warned you about)

• The neuroscience of why you literally can't think straight right now (it's not failure, it's brain restructuring)

• Identity excavation—how to bring back the parts of you that went underground during survival mode

• Why "all-or-nothing" motherhood identity is what's breaking you (research shows mothers who hold multiple roles have lower depression and higher life satisfaction)

• The confident drop-off strategy that works with your nervous system, not against it (your calm = their safety)

• What your child is actually asking during separation (spoiler: it's one question, and you already know the answer)

• How to handle the ambivalence—relief AND grief can be true at the same time

• The week-by-week plan for YOUR transition (not just theirs)

• Identity breadcrumbs—the small, consistent actions that rebuild your sense of self faster than any big plan

The big reframe: From "I should just be happy they're becoming independent" to "Their growing up doesn't mean I disappear—we're both becoming."

This isn't about being a better mother or managing your feelings better. It's about understanding that every time your child hits a milestone, you're renegotiating who you are—and building a plan that actually accounts for both transitions, not just theirs.

The tools in this podcast work for whatever stage you're in right now, and whatever transition is coming next.

Welcome to our FIRST 'HOW TO' series!

These recordings are made for both our Mama Inner Circle online mums group AND our podcast community!

I noticed that across my clinical practice, social media and in our mums group, so many mamas post questions about different topics. They ask ChatGPT, they ask friends and they Google all night long. But the answers are confusing or it's exhausting searching for answers.

So here's my solution - 'HOW TO' series for your mama journey!

If YOU have a question you want me to answer then please contact me on instagram or join our Mama Inner Circle group for free! I'm there with other mamas finding our way through motherhood!

Mama Inner Circle - https://www.skool.com/your-mama-journey-7063/about

Instagram - @yourmamajourney.co

We've all been sold a lie about goal-setting. And if you're a mum who's tried every productivity hack, bought the planner, set the intentions, and still feel like you're failing? This one's for you.

Jade breaks down why traditional goal-setting frameworks don't work for mothers - because they were never designed for the reality of invisible labour, constant interruptions, and the mental load that never stops.

She takes James Clear's "Atomic Habits" and completely reimagines it through a motherhood lens, showing you how to make behaviour change actually possible when your life is beautifully chaotic.

This isn't about doing more. It's about giving yourself permission to redefine what success looks like, focus on who you're becoming rather than what you're achieving, and understand that tiny changes can create real results - even when nothing goes to plan. Because the goal isn't not to fail. The goal is to stop blaming yourself for a system that was broken from the start.

Key Moments

• Why you're not the problem - the system is
• The invisible labour no one talks about
• Identity-based habits: becoming vs achieving
• Why "care of myself is not selfish" needs to be your new mantra
• Adapting goals when life gets messy (spoiler: it always does)
• Making James Clear's principles work for real mums

Christmas as a mother can feel really really hard. And I'm still wearing a Santa hat.

Not because you don't love your kids or aren't grateful—but because it comes with enormous pressure to make everything magical while managing everyone's expectations, doing all the invisible work, and somehow not losing yourself in the process.

In this special Christmas episode, we're talking about three things that come up for so many mums this time of year: feeling "parenting conscious" (when every decision feels scrutinised), feeling completely unseen (even as you're doing all the work), and navigating the gap between Christmas expectations and reality.

If you're feeling the weight of Christmas right now—or you're listening to this while hiding in the bathroom —this one's for you.

Topics covered:

• What "parenting conscious" means and how to make decisions when everything feels judged
• The invisible labor of Christmas and why your feelings are allowed to be complicated
• What to do when Christmas doesn't go to plan
• A journal prompt to help you choose presence over perfection

You're doing so much more than you think. And you're allowed to find Christmas hard.

P.S Kristin Wiig, not Christina!