Notes on Nothing

In this episode, we explore how home improvement can be a nightmare for many. How do you compare to the three little pigs on the D.I.Y porcine proficiency scale? Do you have MacGyver-like skills that would enable you to survive the apocalypse? And what would you do if you got your swivel tap stuck in a sludge flume?

In this episode, find out what big budget movie updates of our favourite franchises are doing to our cherished childhood memories. Discover what the best super power for a middle-aged man is, and who would win in a fight between Bird Bird and Woodstock.

It's time to leave our lockdown refuge and reintegrate into civilised society. But are we ready? Maybe we have let ourselves go a bit. It’s personal grooming 101 time. Fire up the shower, dust down the soap, locate the tweezers. Why is there so much DNA in my shower tray? What languages should you consider learning to improve your oral hygiene? And what is the male equivalent of a lady garden? This spring clean is just the shot in the arm you need!

In this episode, we explore the symbiotic relationship between gym fanatics and those who hate the gym. We discover why Prince Andrew is the ideal gym buddy, why parkour is not for middle-aged men, and the best way to position a mirror so you can check your ring.

Lockdown has turned me, and many others like me, into a troll. What are we to do? How can we tell a colleague that they are crap at their job without them knowing? Is the mute symbol on video calls really a microphone with a line through it? What does it really mean?

Stately homes in such pleasant, rural backdrops. Murder seems to come to visit on a regular basis. The death toll in the English countryside is getting out of hand. There is a gathering at the manor, Lord Shitbag is going to be murdered. Exercise those little grey cells for ten minutes as we try to figure out who did it.

In this episode, we discover why, in reality, magic is a bit of a disappointment. Amongst other things we explore why there is no place in academia for gold spandex, why the big cats never ate Siegfried or Roy, and why the sorting hat in my school got it right with me.

Tech and gadgets have come a long way, but where is it all leading? Did Facebook try to create a Chuckle Brothers tribute act? Is the rise of the machines inevitable? And if it is, what are the chances that we will be able to negotiate surrender terms with the robots form the Smash mashed potato adverts?

I hate clickbait but I still fall for it. Why is this? Was Paul Simon the creator of click bait? And why do teenage boys love to rank so much?

The most superficial appraisal of board games you are ever likely to hear. We explore why it is essential for kids to play games and abide by the rules, and why I won't go into a restaurant unless I feel comfortable putting its name into an internet search engine.